Tag Archives: Zoe Margolis

Eroticon — Why Ruby Kiddell’s Brain Child is a Must Attend Event

KD: I’m very excited for the chance to interview the brains, and I reckon the majority of the energy behind the much anticipated Eroticon happening on March 3rd in Bristol, the amazing Ruby Kiddell. Welcome, Ruby!

As I look down through the Eroticon website, and the exciting list of guest speakers who are on the yummy menu, I can’t help but get butterflies in my stomach when I think of what putting such an exciting event together must entail, Ruby. Let me just say that you are AMAZING!

What exactly inspired Eroticon? And could you give us a brief history of that spark of inspiration until now.

RK: Thank you, that’s a kind thing to say, all I know is that I’m VERY busy at the moment.

The inspiration for Eroticon came out of the blogging conference Cybermummy which was aimed squarely at the parent, primarily mum, blogger market.

Although I have blogs and businesses that are family orientated I got sponsorship to attend Cybermummy via my Erotic Notebook blog from Sex Toys UK.

This sparked a lot of interest from the other delegates and I found out just how many of my Erotic Notebook readers also had dual Twitter identities.

Just before Cybermummy I thought “hey there should be a sex bloggers version of the conference” and on the day, when I met Molly from Molly’s Daily Kiss and other sex bloggers and writers I was more convinced that we  needed an event where as writers we could discuss our craft and the content openly and without fear of judgement.

KD: I’ve already mentioned being in awe of the time and energy it must have taken to organize an event like Eroticon, what has been the most difficult part of putting together such an event?

RK: Time! I’m a lone parent to a very energetic three year old and I also run my own craft business and that’s before we get to my writing and blogging interests.  This means time is at a premium and it has been hard to find the time to develop all the aspects of the conference I would have liked.  This means there are some things I would have liked to include that aren’t happening.

KD: As you look forward to the event, what excites you most?

RK: In terms of the schedule, though I think they all look fantastic, you’ll definitely find me in the sessions with Zoe Margolis, because I remember her Girl With a One Track Mind blog when she began it, John Tisbury because as an ex-dancer I love his ballet shoe shots, Maxim Jakubowski’s writing session and London Faerie’s “It’s kink Jim…” session.

I’m also looking forward to meeting everyone I speak to on Twitter, those I’ve met before and those I’ve not and the wine and readings at the end of the day.

KD:  Eroticon is billed as the UK’s first sex bloggers and erotic authors conference. As someone who came into blogging to promote my fiction and stayed on for the fun, I’m curious as to how important you see blogging for erotic authors, and what you think is the most important thing an erotic author should know as a blogger?

RK: Finding the time to write our work should come first, but for new and aspiring authors, blogging can be incredibly useful as it is a great way to build an audience, test drive new writing, promote your work, find inspiration and share ideas.

For an erotic author, probably the most important thing to know is how to make a link to your Amazon page! I’m only half joking, I think the most important thing is finding your blogging voice, just as it takes time to find your author’s voice it can take some time to work out what you want to say on your blog and how  you want to say it.

KD: Ruby, I’ve seen your blog and heard you read some of your fantastic fiction when were in Las Vegas together for the EAA conference, could you tell us a bit about your journey to sex blogger and erotic author.

RK: I started writing sexy fantasy scenes for a man I was dating, the fiction lasted, he didn’t. So I put my writing on a blog and got on Twitter, fast forward a few months and the very talented Raziel Moore, who tweets as @_monocle_ introduced me to his editor at Republica Press who signed me up..  My first book, Anthology One, is an anthology of pieces from my blog.  That all happened very fast, but it took me another year to get my second book, Normal, finished and released.

Needless to say my current work in progress is taking a back seat at the moment.

KD: Your top advice to sex bloggers?

RK: My top advice to sex bloggers is much the same as for authors, take time to find your voice.  I had a confessional sex blog for a few months. It went from being public to password protected and eventually I took it down, simply because I wasn’t comfortable with that level of intimate exposure online. What is right for one person isn’t right for another, we all have different ways to express ourselves and finding what we are comfortable with should come before what we think will be popular.

I would also caution people to never post anything on the web that they aren’t completely willing to own up to or willing to lose control of, with sites like tumblr it is increasingly easy for images and content to take on a life of their own outside of the publisher’s control.

KD: Your top advice to erotic authors?

RK: Write first, blog second and don’t let social media eat your time!

KD: What’s been the most rewarding experience so far in the journey to making Eroticon an exciting reality?

RK: Other people’s enthusiasm for it, it is all very well me thinking it is a good idea, but until speakers started saying yes and I sold the first ticket and got the first sponsor then it was all a little intangible.

KD: What do people who are interested in being a part of this ground-breaking event need to do, and what can they expect?

RK: They need to buy a ticket and get to Bristol for 3rd March 2012

Delegates can expect a day packed full of great workshops and inspirational speakers.  A chance to meet other writers and blogger, to exchange ideas, inspiration and blog addresses.

Writers will get a chance to meet publishers, ask them questions and to sell themselves and their writing to them.

Everyone will get bags of sexy swag from our sponsors, as well as a £50 voucher to spend on sex toys at Lovehoney.

An amazing demonstration of kink by London Faerie, readings from the hottest purveyors of smut and perhaps some burlesque too

There’s food – breakfast, lunch and hopefully rude chocolate brownies. And there’s wine, because all that sexiness is bound to make you thirsty!

KD: Anything else you’d like to add.


Follow us on twitter http://www.twitter.com/eroticon2012

Find us on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/Sexbloggerconference

Follow the blog http://conference.eroticnotebook.co.uk

It would appear that our Ruby just can’t get enough of a good thing. Not content with the big pile of Oh My! that is Eroticon on March 3rd, she’s spreading her wings and organising an evening or reading and chat in London.

Graciously hosted bySh! Women Erotic Emporium, Portobello this will be a fun and friendly evening of erotic readings and sexual confessions as well as a chance to meet other delegates, speakers and Ruby, herself.

It’s the pre-party! Definitely a must attend.

Where: Sh! Erotic Emporium, Portobello

When: Friday 27th January 6:30

Tickets are £3. Fizz and cupcakes will be served.


London Slutwalk — Hopeful Solidarity

What to wear to Slutwalk? That has been my dilemma for weeks now. But when the big day dawned yesterday, I dressed in jeans and a top that showed just a peek of cleavage, and the thought of walking on hard pavement for several hours made me opt for my old reliable Hedgehogs rather than f**k-me shoes. If there’s ever a ‘tomboy walk’ I’m so in! Raymond dressed like Raymond always dresses, no dilemma for him. I admire that so much. Of course the answer is that it doesn’t matter what one wears to Slutwalk, as the oft repeated chant says, ‘Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no.’
For those of you who might have been on holiday on another planet recently, Slutwalks began as a protest movement when a Canadian policeman advised students to ‘avoid dressing like sluts’ in order to avoid being attacked. Since his unfortunate remark, thousands of people around the world have marched in protest of a culture in which the victim, rather than the abuser, gets the blame.
We arrived for at Hyde Park Corner for Slutwalk London amid a gathering crowd and a forest of waving placards and banners. Though there were the expected men in drag and women in mini skirts and bras, and I could only see a small bit of the crowd (BBC estimated five thousand people marched) a majority of the people who marched could have passed for people just out for a Saturday stroll in London, or even people heading off for work. My Hedgehogs and jeans were not the least big out of place, and my man dressed like himself was in good company.

We were all in good company, actually. Placards ranged from angry, ‘Blame the c*nt who rapes and not the c*nt he raped’ to ‘My clothes are not my consent,’ There were lots of  ‘No Means No.’ placards, but the one that moved me most was a hand held message written on a piece of cardboard. It simply said. ‘I was wearing jeans and a jumper.’ There in the colourful, festive atmosphere a simple piece of cardboard said it all, why we were all there, and why what we were doing was so important.

The march got officially started at two, and Raymond and I found ourselves marching in front of Zoe Margolis, ‘the girl with the one-track mind.’ I’d met Zoe before at a reading she did at Sh! a little over a year ago. She is an avid supporter of Slutwalk.We marched along talking and laughing and sharing the excitement with the others marching around us, men in drag hobbling in heels, women in corsets and suspenders, men and women in dressed in T-shirts, all mixed together. The age range was fabulous. There were mothers marching with their daughters, there were pensioners of both sexes, there were students and professionals and every one in between.

Every once in a while to the beat of drums and tambourines, a spontaneous chant would arise, ‘Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no.’ The day had turned warm and a woman marching several people in front of us had written a plea for sunscreen on the back of her placard. There was an outpouring of support from the crowded open-topped tour-buses that passed by the march with waves and whistles and shouts of solidarity.

The feeling of excitement and the chanting and cheering got louder as we rounded Piccadilly Circus and headed down Haymarket toward Trafalgar Square. At Trafalgar Square the march ended with a barrage of amazing speakers, most with messages of what the average person can do to make a difference. The official website, Slut Means Speak Out has more on that.

Afterward in The Chandos Pub, I spoke with a group of young women who had come up from Brighton for the march. It was their first ever. They had read about it on Facebook and felt it was important. We all laughed and chatted and had a pint together.

It’s hard for me to take it all in, even now. It was my first march too, and it was sensory and emotional overload. But I took away two very important things from the London Slutwalk that will stay with me. First of all I felt  a renewed sense of hope and excitement for the future of women in general. The organizer of the London Slutwalk was 17-year-old 6th-former, Anastasia Richardson. The London Slutwalk made it clear young women are neither apathetic nor silent when it comes to changing the world they live in for the better.

Secondly, I went away wondering what all the controversy was about? The message was clear, the marchers were all united. Rape is never acceptable. The division between ‘good girls’ and ‘bad girls’ is a false dichotomy that must be done away with if we are to create a world where justice really is for everyone, and everyone can walk the streets in safety. And the feeling of expectation that permeated the whole walk was the sense that something was about to change.

I’m usually a pessimist, I’m usually a firm believer that if things seem too good to be true, then they probably are. But this time I’m hopeful, and I seem to be in excellent company.

More on Sexuality, Spirituality and Creativity with Dr Dick

Be sure to catch Part two of Dr Dick’s interview with me on his fabulous series, The Erotic Mind. Dr Dick tells me that the first half of our our interview was a big hit, and tons of people downloaded to hear us talk about the creative process and healing the rift between sexuality and spirituality. If you missed it, tune in, catch up, and find out why so many people are having a listen.

Dr Dick is a Clinical Sexologist in private practice in Seattle. He has been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for 30 years. He believes in affirming the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. Plus he’s an all-around great bloke!

The Double Standard is alive and well

I was lucky enough to meet Zoe Margolis a few months ago. Zoe, aka Abby Lee, was famously outed for her popular anonymous blog, Girl with a One Track Mind. When I met her, she was doing a book reading at Sh! Women’s Shop in Hoxton promoting her new book, Girl with a One Track Mind Exposed. At the time she talked briefly about her shock and anger at being called a hooker in the headline of an article that ran in the Independent on Sunday, so I was very happy to read in Saturday’s Guardian that she had won libel damages. No one doubted that she would. The headline of the article was not only defamitory, but it was also wrong. The Inedpendent has since apologized and settled out of court.

As I read the article, I couldn’t help thinking about the big news a couple of months ago when Peter Biskind’s book, Star, How Warren Beatty seduced America, revealed that Beatty had supposedly slept with 12,775 women — give or take.

No one — even mistakenly — called Beatty a hooker. In fact the very idea is ludicrous. Men, especially handsome powerful ones, build reputations on their sexual prowess. Other men admire them, and women long to be the next notch on the bed post. Even though Beatty was referred to as a serial philanderer in one of the many newspaper articles, somehow that just doesn’t have the same impact as being called a hooker.

Seldom does a woman get admired for her sexual prowess, nor does she have to sleep with anywhere near 12,775 men before she gets labeled a whore. I’m in no way denegrating sex workers. I’m simply saying that the old double standard is alive and well, no matter how sophisticated we think we may be.

I doubt if there’s a woman writer of erotic fiction anywhere who doesn’t empathize with Zoe. Every time I publish a new story, every time I write a blog entry, there’s a frisson of fear, a small knot in my stomach, when I consider the risk. The truth is, the prudism and puritanism that’s a part of the culture we all grow up in still causes me to doubt myself, and even though I know better, causes me to fear what other people might think or say. And certainly not without cause. When women are open about sex, we run the risk of being labeled slut, whore, hooker. We run the risk that those who still think sex should be the property of the patriarchy, the church and state, will see us as fair game for verbal and emotional abuse (or worse) because we’ve chosen to celebrate our sexuality rather than repress it.

Zoe Margolis is one of my heros. She’s courageous, outspoken, and she’s making a difference for all of us who believe in the celebration of sexuality. And the world could certainly use a little more cause to celebrate.