I’m so excited to have one of my favourite people on the planet back on A Hopeful Romantic not only today, but again next week. I love having Sh!’s fabulous manager, and my very good friend, Renee Denyer over because even if we’re not having an August heat wave, Renee always heats the place up with practical, and sizzling advice for any love life. Today, Renee will be talking about spicing things up with your partner. She’ll be back next week talking about ways to spice up your self-love-life! Make sure you pop in for both. Welcome Renee! Take it away.
I’m rather excited to be back on K D’s blog – it’s been a while! I hope you’ve had a great summer. It’s been a bit too hot for my liking, so I’m looking forward to cooler days. Plus, the best part of long, cold nights is snuggling up close to someone you really fancy… Am I right or am I right?
Today we’re going to talk about how to spice things up a little bit. Actually, we’re going to spice it up a lot. Being in a long-term relationship often means that sex takes a backseat once the initial hot flush of new relationship energy has burned itself out. It can be incredibly hard to keep things sizzling when the kids are demanding all your attention, the laundry basket is overflowing and the dishwasher has died an untimely death…
It’s perfectly normal for the libido to take a dive every once in a while. Life takes over; other things are prioritized. That’s just how it is. But – what if you find it difficult to get your mojo back? What if it’s been so long you’re not sure if you even have a mojo? (You do – and I’ll help you find it).
“Spicing things up” mean different things to different people. For some, it may mean adding a vibrating cock ring to his man-sausage before hopping onboard; for others it may involve a leather blindfold, a can of whipped cream and an off-duty fireman. Whatever rings your bell, people!
First Things First
Rule number one: make time for each other. Book a babysitter, get dressed up and turn your mobile phones off for the evening. Scheduling in a date night might sound unsexy – but if you don’t, you won’t bother. So do it. Book a night out for the two of you: a meal at a favourite restaurant, for example.
Invest in Stockings & Suspenders
Old-fashioned and cliché, I hear you say?
Oh, hell no.
Stockings and suspenders adds a touch of retro glamour, makes the wearer feel fabulous and the partner itching to run their fingers over the soft skin just above the stocking tops. Offer a glimpse of your sexy lingerie before going out. The evening will be one long build-up to ripping off clothes and feasting on the deliciousness beneath.
Minimum Input, Maximum Output
Teasing is a wonderful way of spicing things up. Coy eye contact, a slow lick of the dessert spoon, an extra swing of the hips as you walk away… Very little effort involved, but all of those actions have great potential for keeping your partner wide awake and interested in what’s to come.
The plan is to arrive back home relaxed and in a good mood. Send the sitter home, turn on some music, and ask your partner to take a seat. It’s time to shake what ya mama gave you! No pre-rehearsed moves are required for this: move in time to the music; a saucy wiggle of the hips here, a shimmy of the shoulders there… Make eye contact and be bold with it. The pupils naturally dilate when we look at someone we’re attracted to, so make the most of this sensual trick.
I swear by blindfolds, for all sorts of reasons. A blindfold restricts visual references, which in turn heightens all other senses. Every kiss, lick and bite will be felt more intensely.
Having a lover wear a blindfold allows you to be wilder and more daring. There is no need to worry about how you look, for example – you can concentrate on enjoying the hot goings-on.
If you want to go the extra mile, use a silk scarf that you have previously worn. It’ll carry your scent, enveloping your lover in darkness and the sexy scent of you.
Small vibrators and cock rings are excellent additions to sexy time. Slip the cock ring over his semi-hard shaft before going down on him. The ring will trap the blood in the shaft, making him harder and more receptive to slippery tongue moves.
If your partner is female, try using a small, lubed-up finger-vibe to slip-slide over her soft areas. Trace over nipples, stomach and down to labia lips, keeping an eye on her reactions to find out where all her hotspots are housed.
Enthusiasm is key for any sexual encounter. Let your lover know how much you’re enjoying being with them, how good they taste and how their moans are driving you mad with lust! Knowing that you are focused on the matters in hand is incredibly sexy: make noise, move about, talk dirty – get your good selves into the action!
Nice for Nipples
- Nipple clamps are great for hands-free fun, and come in a variety of pressure and pain-thresholds. Slide-to-fitnipple clamps are perfect for newbies and are very easy to use. They offer vibration and gentle pressure for your twin peaks – all pleasure, no pain!
Fun for Fannies
- Enhancing oils offer extra sensations and this blend of essential oils is my personal favourite. Add a drop of ON Arousal Oil to the clitoris and massage it in. The clit will soon start whizzing and buzzing, leaving you no option but tending to it…
- Remote controlled vibrating eggsare hugely popular with couples. Larger eggs are mainly used for external pleasure (clitoris), but smaller versions can be used internally, making an outing to the local pub a thrilling trip. Hand over the remote control to your partner and wait for the first buzz…
Tips for Todgers
- Wrap your silky knickers around his man-meat and slide up and down for extra sensations. Make it extra kinky by slipping off the knickers you arewearing…
- Tenga Eggsare simply the best toys for guys. Each of these cute eggs hides a textured top for stimulating the 4000 nerv-endings sitting atop the glans of the penis. Blindfold him, and then slip a lubed-up egg over his wang for an easy-beat hand job.
These days, you needn’t even be in the same room to have great sex – in fact, you needn’t even be on the same continent! The new generation of app-ready toys mean you can play even whilst apart. If you and your lover are tech-lovers, it’s well worth investing in a We Vibe or one of the Picobong Remoji toys. These couples’ vibrators can be controlled, from any distance, by an app on your phone. (H)appy days, indeed!
Thanks for having me, K D – as per usual I have had great fun! I’m really looking forward to your Writing Erotica Master Class at Sh! on 23rd September; it’ll be a fantastically smutty evening, for sure!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go fetch that blindfold… *wink*
About Renee Denyer:
Renée is the award-winning Senior Store Manager (ETO Awards 2014 & 2015) and sex educator at female-focused erotic boutique Sh!. She has her fingers in many pies and spends her days talking about G-spots, P-spots and any other spots you may have found in your nether regions. When she is not selling sex toys to the women & couples of London, she can be found at home with a thrilling book and a glass of pink wine, surrounded by her beloved bunnies (of the furry variety). She writes a regular column for Erotic Trade Only magazine and dreams of penning a bestselling sex guide one day.
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