It’s always my pleasure to have the fabulous Renee Denyer over from Sh! to give hot tips for hot sexy romance. It’s been my tradition to have Renee give some fab ideas for a sizzling Valentine’s Day and with the 50 Shade of Grey film coming out on the day, there are going to be lots of questions about ways of bringing a little ‘control’ into the bedroom. Who better to answer those questions that the fab Renee from SH!
Valentine’s Day is almost upon us and, with it, the long-awaited release of 50 Shades of Grey, the film. You may have read the books, and loved the idea of playing with control but felt unsure about how to go about it? If so, this blog post is for you! I’ll be sharing some of my best tips for sexy power exchange in the bedroom. By the end of this post, you’ll be able to confidently recreate a Red Room experience for your lover on Valentine’s Day.
But first, let me introduce myself: I’m Renee, and I work at Sh!, the erotic emporium for women in Hoxton Square, east London. One of my many jobs is teaching classes on how to play kinky games in a safe manner, using suitable implements and avoiding injuries. Many are surprised when I say that BDSM play doesn’t have to involve pain (unless you want it to, of course); it’s more about pleasure and exchange of power. BDSM, for those who don’t know, stands for Bondage, Discipline/Domination/Submission/Sadism and Masochism. That sounds hard, I know, but it doesn’t have to be. For me, it just means “fun sex”!
Christian Grey is a Dominant who gets his kicks from playing with a submissive – someone who enjoys being on the receiving end of all sorts of kinky games. Being in control of your partner’s pleasure can be incredibly sexy – just like it can be incredibly sexy when someone else is in control of your pleasure, and this Valentine’s Day offers up the perfect opportunity to get your own Mr/Ms Grey on – channeling your inner Dominant. Who needs the cinema when you can do it for real at home?
These are a few of my favourite things…
Christian has a Red Room, and you can easily recreate this at home by switching your normal 60W bulb for a red one. And make sure the temperature is comfortable for someone who’ll be lying down naked – a chilly room does not make for sexy games…
Whatever kind of music you find sexy and seductive – create a play list and play it on low. Start off slow and finish on a hard, driving beat – let the music be your cue for when it’s time to switch it up.
Slipping a blindfold over a partner’s eyes works well in a number of ways. Firstly, if you are feeling shy or awkward in your new Dominant persona, placing a blindfold over your lovers’ eyes will make you seem masterful, decisive and oh-so-sexy. He/she won’t see that you’re feeling a little bit out of your comfort zone. Also, taking away their visual reference will ensure all their other senses are on high alert. It’s a win! For extra bonus points, use a blindfold (or scarf) that smells of your – your partner will be tripping on your sexy scent in no time.
It’s time to introduce a safe word. A safe word will let you know that your partner has had enough and needs the game to stop – immediately. In true 50 shades- style you could use “popsicle”, or you could make up your own word. Make sure it’s a word neither of you would ever use during sex. Whisper “I want you to say popsicle if you want me to stop” in their ear, and make them repeat it back to you to ensure they understand.
Wriggling against restraints whilst being pleasured is sweet torture. I particularly like these long, satin ties with D-Rings. Use the ties to restrain your partner to the bedposts, and he/she will be able to relax and let you look after them in all manner of ways.
Using something soft like a feather or a pair of silky knickers (kinky!) is a wonderful way of kicking off a long night, relaxing and softly arousing… Avoid the feet if your lover is tickly – having your feet tickled can most definitely ruin the mood!
Fire and Ice
Playing with temperature is always sexy. Alternate between ice cubes and wax candles for out-of-this-world sensations. Draw patterns with the ice cubes for thrills, and the offer pops of heat for contrast. These wax candles are my favorites (word of warning here: don’t use table candles from IKEA). These candles burn at a lower temperature, so are perfectly safe for play. Drip from a height for a slightly cooler pop of heat, or drip close to the body for a more intense sensation. The wax brushes off easily after play.
Pinwheels (or Other Pervertables)
A Wartenburg pinwheel looks like a mini-sized pastry cutter, but feel amazing on skin. Roll gently along the skin and you’ll likely be rewarded with low moans of pleasure. Don’t worry if you don’t have a pinwheel at hand; this sensation can be easily recreated using a table fork. This is what we call “pervertables” – everyday items that can be used for fun sex sessions!
Adding a pair of pretty clamps will add pressure on the nipples, and leave your hands free for other things. I recommend clamps that come with varying degrees of pressure. Start off gently, and don’t leave the clamps on for too long – it’s often more intense to have the clamps removed, so be gentle when doing this.
Use a leather paddle for gentle spanking. Start off slow and build intensity as your submissive gets more and more turned on – timing is key here. Ask your lover to rate each blow between 1 (low) and 10 (high) and you’ll get an idea of how hard to strike. Start off at a 3 and work your way up to an 8. Remember to kiss and stroke those butt-cheeks in-between blows.
By this point, your partner is probably gagging for release, and you can choose how to give it to them – you’re in control, after all! For a male partner, I recommend using a Tenga Egg. It’ll feel like several mouths working his shaft all in one go – just amazing. For a female, using a deep tissue massager like Wand on her pubic bone/clit is likely to bring her off with a massive bang!
So there you have it – a few easy tips on how to create your own 50 Shades-experience for Valentine’s Day!
And, before I go; I have 10 pairs of tickets to my next Spanking class to give away – enter this competition if you’d like to learn more about sensual spanking. 10 winners will be picked at random on 13th February, so hurry!
Thanks for having me, KD – it’s been brilliant fun as usual!
Renée is the Award Winning Store Manager (ETO 2014) at female-focused erotic boutique Sh!. She has her fingers in many pies and spends her days talking about G-spots, P-spots and any other spots you may have found in your nether regions. When she is not selling sex toys to the women & couples of London, she can be found at home with a thrilling book and a glass of pink wine, surrounded by her beloved bunnies (of the furry variety). She writes a regular column for Erotic Trade Only magazine and dreams of penning a bestselling sex guide one day.
Keep up with Renée and the rest of Team Sh! on all your favourite social media channels:
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