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Sh!’s Lovely Manager, Renee, Talks Bondage for Beginners

Renee on masturbationSh!_logo_300dpi

It’s totally my pleasure to have Sh!’s fabulous manager, and my very good friend, Renee back on a Hopeful Romantic. It’s always fun to have her here, and today Renee is going to give us a quick primer on bondage for beginners. Welcome, Renee!

After the smash hit of Fifty Shades of Grey, we’ve noticed a massive increase in couples curious about kinky sex and BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism), so I was delighted when KD invited me to share tips on bondage for beginners.

There are a few basic rules to kinky play and it’s important you know about these before tying your willing partner to the nearest bed post.

Following these simple rules can save an embarrassing trip to A&E:

plan for all eventualities – keep keys to cuffs (or medical scissors, if you use rope or tape) nearby.

Use a safeword and never leave your captive alone. A safeword is a word that lets the Top (the person doing the tying) know that the Bottom (the person being tied up) has had enough. Agree on a word that you wouldn’t normally use during sex, and honor it absolutely.

It’s very common to use the traffic light system:Renee bondage for beginners traffic light1368809_10201107435062862_2051221348_n

Green = Yes!

Amber = Slow Down

Red = STOP!

 

Next – on to the fun stuff!

Renee bondage for beginners1370294_10201107410622251_1175098322_nA roll of bondage tape is a great starter tool, not only do you get several meters of shiny tape to wrap round your submissive, but it can be rolled back up when play time is over. The tape sticks to itself rather than to soft skin, so it won’t hurt when peeled off at the end of a session. Use the tape to tie wrists, or as a blind fold, or why not make a boob tube!

Soft rope cuffs are great for newbies, and they’re available at a price that won’t break the bank. Simply slip onto your partner, and wahey you go!

Renee bondage for beginners1208671_10201107408862207_1591186624_aSatin ties look and feel gorgeous, and can be tied to pretty much anything: bedposts, chairs or even a sturdy kitcken table for a splayed-out effect. The last one is particularly useful if you want to tease and torment your delicious slave for any length of time.

The Bondage Bow is an excellent piece of kit to include in your toy box. Several inches of Renee bondage for beginers1370246_10201107408462197_608622393_nstretchy latex can be wound round wrists or ankles – just remember to have medical scissors handy to avoid sticky situations.

Handcuffs are quick and easy, both to get hold of and to use. There are dozens of cheap Renee bondage for beginners1289895_10201107409342219_1923498488_nchrome cuffs out on the market, but I’d advise against using these as they’ll chafe on delicate skin. Instead, opt for luxury lined cuffs for comfort and style. They’ll cost a little extra, but unmarked skin is well worth the additional pounds. You can easily attach chains or rope to the cuffs, both available at B&Q – your friendly neighbourhood go-to shop for kink in the suburbs.

If you’re in a particularly mean mood, tie one wrist to one ankle and create an undignified hobble-effect that will please the harshest of Mistresses.  Position your captive somewhere they’ll be comfortable. Ensure the room is warm, and you could turn up the sexy by lighting some scented massage candles. Once the wax has begun to melt, dip your fingers in the warm oil and take some time to indulge your lover with slow luxurious strokes.

At this point, a little sucking and kissing on the neck also works well. (Tease, tease, tease…) By applying a gentle vibrator over nipples and labia you are bound to have your captive squirming and begging for more in no time. (It’s entirely up to you if you give it to them or not..!)

Personally, I’m very fond of vibrating nipple clamps – but attached to labia rather than nipples for a crazy, all-buzzin’ effect. Add a finger or tongue, and your partner may well gush all over your freshly laundered sheets..!

It’s entirely up to you and your play partner as to how long the tie-up-&-tease session should go on, but do make sure that your sub isn’t getting cold. If hands and feet are feeling chilly, it’s time to untie and cuddle…

Renee bondage for beginners1370423_10201107409942234_1552817956_nRenee is the Senior Store Manager at female-focused erotic boutique Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium in Hoxton Square. She has her fingers in many pies and spends her days talking about G-spots, P-spots and any other spots you may have found in your nether regions. When she is not selling sex toys to the women & couples of London, she can be found at home with a thrilling book and a glass of pink wine, surrounded by her beloved bunnies (of the furry variety).

Follow the Sh! Girlz for all the latest fun & frolics: Twitter: @ShWomenstore Facebook: Sh! Hoxton Website: http://www.sh-womenstore.com/

 

Consenting Adults: Chris Unity Bowness Talks about Taking Sex Outside

Consenting Adults psp ver1

Summer lovin’ had me a blast

Here in the U.K. we’ve been experiencing unprecedented high temperatures, which is bound to lead to hands wandering as lovers look for covert spots on the beach or pull one another off the beaten track to frolic in a secluded field.

The questions – and the confessions — I get the most this time of year are in regards to outdoors sex.

Summer sun, something’s begun

Often, the question of the laws regarding outdoor naughtiness is either something that people are most worried about or haven’t taken into consideration at all. And no doubt the risk of being caught is part of the thrill of sex al fresco.

In 2003 the U.K. The Sex Offences Act was amended to relax laws where consensual sexual activities could take place. Under the law, sexual activities in public was once strictly forbidden, but sex is now allowed in places that are isolated and where there would be an expectation of privacy. However, if you are planning to do the dirty in your own back garden you could fall foul of the law if someone spots you from the street or public through way.

She got friendly down in the sand.

A big part of the reason people enjoy romping around outdoors is the thrill and the risk of being heard or caught in the act.

The beach lends itself really well to the joys of outdoor sex, as it allows you to gage the mood and pick a nice secluded spot. You could hide yourself amongst the grasses in the sand dunes or if you’re feeling adventurous find a corner on the beach or even a cave. And there’s always sex in the sea. The other reason the beach is great is for such an occasion is because it’s quite acceptable for both men and women to wear next to nothing, meaning easier access.

The countryside also offers a great variety of nooks and crannies. A picnic in the right spot in the woods could offer an opportune moment to try out your foraging skills with your lover. You may even be lucky and come across a handmade shelter or cover made of wood often left behind by campers. Getting lost in fields of hay or walking along rivers or even in them can also provide opportune moments to get hot and sweaty together.

People have divulged to me a whole range of confessions regarding outdoor sex. It seems to be something people love to boast about, given the chance. Locations have included waterfalls, old barns, under bridges over canals, in barges and even in an allotment shed – a whole host to take inspiration from.

Summer lovin’ happened so fast.

Spontaneous versus pre-planned sex has always been a hot debate, both have their ups and downs.

When it comes to outdoor sex being spontaneous can be easier in a sense that you can get a feel for the surroundings and enjoy that sudden surge of sexual excitement when you are tugged towards a shaded area through the long grass. Being spontaneous is a great way to enjoy the great outdoors and let go of inhibitions.

On the other hand planning ahead for an outdoor romp can help to make sure that everything is in place to make sure things go off with a bang. The tension and build up to the very point when you decide to take the plunge can provide fantastic foreplay.

However, I believe that outdoor sex can easily strike the balance between the two and with a little preparation and having the right equipment in the boot you will always be ready for that opportune moment.

Keeping a blanket to hand to put on the ground to protect your skin from sand or grass is useful. Also think about keeping things tidy, using condoms even if you don’t usually do so. Plus, safety items like water bottles, sun cream and a torch. Something you could both leave behind is the underwear, and be sure to choose clothes that are light and airy and will give you both easy access.

Chris Bowness consenting adultsi-love-sex_20130429151230247Not comfortable with going all the way?  Outdoor naughtiness has something for everyone, sex doesn’t have to mean going all the way; fumbling around, adorning your lover with kisses, mutual masturbation even over clothes can act as great foreplay to the main event for when you’re back at home.

Find Chris Here:

www.multiple-asms.org

 

Sex and the Personal Shopper: A Sweltering Rant

money-hands-thumb15490930RANT WARNING! I’m detoxing from Personal Shopper Sex today. No, I’ve not been having sex with a personal shopper, and no I’m not opposed to having sex with a personal shopper if the opportunity and the desire arise . What I’m detoxing from is reading yet another story in which a personal shopper appears to be an essential part of a good sex life.

Why do I get the feeling that you only get really good sex if you’re totally repackaged in designer clothing and polished up to a sheen that only the super-rich have? And really, who has the time for that type of a total wardrobe reboot without a personal shopper? I know. It’s a post 50SoG world out there. I understand that. But Jeez! It’s astounding the number of bully billionaires who are out there in fictionland guiding their innocent young lovers to come of age in the world of rough-ish sex with the help a personal shopper from Sax 5th Avenue.

I realise those stories wouldn’t be out there if there weren’t someone, LOTS of someones reading them. And let’s face it, who hasn’t fantasized about a total wardrobe make-over and an expensive trip to the spa? But that’s looks, right? That’s surface details. I mean I hope that people like me for who I am no matter how shabby looking my track suit is. I know all the psychology and the writer-speak about having the heroine be a personality-less cypher, so we, the reader, can step right into her character and viola, designer clothes, expensive car, hot billionaire boyfriend who obsesses on us … the experience is all ours for the taking. I get that. It’s a fantasy, and we all have them. Though I confess I’d rather pour my fantasies into someone who has an interesting life and a personality with a few quirky flaws.

Growing up in a working class family, as I did, there’s another thing that bugs me about sex the Personal Shopper way. It bugs me that, in erotica and romantic fiction, ‘good sex’ has been commandeered by the rich and Personal-shopper- dressed. The young innocent, who is never rich and never very savvy in the art of looking good, is always repackaged in all things designer, all things expensive, all things chic until the drab little mouse is turned into a stunner with super model looks and poise. That done, she is now suitable for arm candy, and bed candy for the controling billionaire.

I can’t help but wonder, do only the rich and made-over get good sex, because if that’s the case, most of us are so screwed, and not in a good way either. Surely I can’t be the only one to want a bit of intelligence and grit in my fictional sex. And in my fictional heroines.

To me the rash of Personal-Shopper-made heroines in fiction feels like another attempt to sanitise sex and clean it all up so it’s acceptable for public display. It feels like an effort to convince us that the only good sex happens when we’ve been showered, plucked, shaved, waxed, deodorised and perfumed, then trussed up in designer clothes and nose bleed heels. And of course none of this can happen without massive amounts of money, so bring on the billionaire who can easily afford to keep his women all pristine and shiny before, during and even après-sex. It’s not that hard to take this trend to the next level; that good sex can only be created with the liberal use of a Platinum card. It feels to me like Personal Shopper sex takes the smell, the taste and the messy down and dirty out of sex in the same way Innocent Cypher Chick seems to have taken the personality out of fictional heroines. I can’t help but feel like this type of reading experience is thrusting soulless sex with soulless characters upon the reader.

If sex takes place in the brain at least as much as it does in the body, isn’t down and dirty in jeans and trainers in the back garden or on the kitchen floor just as hot and way more accessible than designer sex? But then again perhaps the whole Personal Shopper sex thing is meant to do just that, stimulate that hugely powerful sex organ, the brain, into a virtual reality fuck with a hunky billionaire. And the whole experience is all ours for the asking through the ‘fit-yourself-into-the-slot’ feature of the Innocent Cypher Chick.

There! That explains a lot. I’m no less disturbed by the trend, but then I am sweltering in the summer heat. So feel free to ignore my rant.  And besides, I’m pretty sure I’d be sweating through my expensive Personal Shopped clothing while waiting for my billionaire to pick me up in the limo. That’s certainly enough to disturb any Innocent Cypher Chick.

 

Sh!’s Lovely Renee Gives Tips for Women to Make the Most of National Masturbation Month and Beyond!

To help celebrate National Masturbation Month, it’s my pleasure to welcome back Sh!‘s manager, sexy lady extraordinaire and a very good friend of mine, Renee Denyer. Renee has agreed to give a few helpful hints for getting the best out of a good wank.  Welcome back, Renee!

Sisters Should Be Doing It For Themselves!Renee

When talking about masturbation, many (if not most) women come over all shy and bashful. ‘We don’t ‘do’ masturbation’ (well, we do – but it’s not polite to talk about it). Ask any man, and he’ll proudly tell you he ‘knocked one out’ in the shower this morning, and I even know one man who’ll tell all and sundry that he masturbates twice a day (that certainly explains the stack of wet wipes in his bathroom!), on top of any partner-sex he may be lucky enough to get.

Why is it that us women can’t/won’t share tips on how to flick our beans?

Well, I believe it stems from childhood and being told that ‘nice girls don’t.’ Proud fathers will hand their teenage sons copies of ‘Busty Babes’ whilst bemused mums turn a blind eye. (My OH, for example, even kept a scrap book of all his favourite pictures of knickerless and pert-breasted young ladies during his teenage years. I was rather amused when we realised his mum had kept the homemade wank-mag amongst washed-out old Iron Maiden t-shirts all these years!). Daughters, on the other hand, are told to keep their hands off their privates (and preferably not let anyone else near them either) until they’re at least 30…

Unfair? Hell Yes!

Here at Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium, we’ve met so many women who don’t know how to pleasure themselves that we decided to put together a

Rosie

Rosie

class on how to wank. Yep. It’s true. We teach women how to masturbate. With the help of Rosie, we show some tried & tested techniques, and then send the female guests on their merry way with some juicy homework. See, all you really need for a great session is a bottle of lube and dexterous fingers (failing that, a good toy will do the job just as well)!

Imagine the clit as a clock face (the ‘clit-face’). Women often report that 10—11 am and 1-2 pm are the most sensitive spots, so hone in on them, but don’t forget that the entire vulva will want in on the action. Slidey, sensual moves are great for a sexy starter; feel your way around. You’ll find that some spots feel better than others, so enjoy them for as long as you like. If you decide to invite more pleasure-spots to the party, the G-spot will probably be thrilled with an invite!

For the main, a finger or two may work wonders inside. The vaginal canal quite likes having something to grip on to, so you may find this is a real treat. If you find it awkward to reach, a vibrator (or a dildo) may be just the thing. Your pc muscles can clench around the toy whilst your fingers slide around on the external parts of your vulva, and you can have lots of hot fun this way!

Breathing deeply, right down into your stomach, will help increase your arousal levels and by this point you may well find yourself pretty hot and ready for more!

You could try adding some warming lube like ID Sensation for extra effect. ID Sensation contains L’Arginine which ensures increased blood flow to FILTHY-FRIDAY-BANNERyour vulva, making it nice and juicy as well as much more receptive to stimulation.  I also recommend giving Tickle Her Pink sachets a go – I absolutely swear by these! Amazing stuff!

An erotic book or something sexy on the laptop will help you get worked up, too. We offer **FREE** erotica from an excellent selection of authors (Like KD!) on our blog every Friday (Filthy Friday), so make sure you hop on over for some free weekly smut! We’ll be enjoying Sexy Snax this Filthy Friday from Learning to Soar by Bebe Balocca

Renee masturbationlearningtosoar_800-1Stats show that 70-80% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and you are much better off trying to learn what works for you all by yourself before adding a lover into the mix. If *you* don’t know what works for you, it’s unlikely that your partner will hit the right spot…

Keep your masturbation under wraps until you are ready to show off your new skills – it’s incredibly hot watching a partner get themselves off, so expect fireworks once your private show is over! (#BONUS!)

In these cash-strapped times, we are all looking for good-value activities, and you know, masturbation is absolutely FREE (as well as a healthy way of getting some colour on your cheeks and a twinkle in your eye!).  So, Ladiez – get your lube, get a copy of one of KD Grace or Grace Marshall’s books for inspiration, lock the door, switch your phone off and get masturbating!

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Oh, and before I go: Big Thanxx to KD Grace for letting me talk wanking on her awesome blog!

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Renee is the Senior Store Manager at female-focused erotic boutique Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium in Hoxton Square. She has her fingers in many pies and spends her days talking about G-spots, P-spots and any other spots you may have found in your nether regions.

When she is not selling sex toys to the women & couples of London, she can be found at home with a thrilling book and a glass of pink wine, surrounded by her beloved bunnies (of the furry variety).

Follow the Sh! Girlz for all the latest fun & frolics:Renee on masturbationSh!_logo_300dpi

Twitter: @ShWomenstore

Facebook: Sh! Hoxton

Website: http://www.sh-womenstore.com/

 

 

 

 

Real Sex: Let’s Get Positive! Welcome Chris Unity Bowness & Consenting Adults

As promised, I’m very excited to introduce Chris Unity Bowness’s first Consenting Adults post. Chris has agreed to make Consenting Adults a regular feature for A Hopeful Romantic, and it’s a pleasure to welcome him onboard.

Chris Bowness consenting adultsi-love-sex_20130429151230247Real Sex: Let’s Get Positive
I love sex…whether it’s engaging in it; researching it; talking or writing about it or mentoring others in exploring it. Let’s face it sex is the best most pleasurable thing one, two or even more consenting adults can do.

How often do you hear those opening 3 words spoken in the same context as I love cooking; I love music; I love mountain climbing…followed by a discussion on why that person loves it? All of our hobbies and activities give us much pleasure and enjoyment; people not only like to indulge in telling people why they enjoy them but others like to hear them passionately talk about their pleasures too. However, it seems the discussion of sex is a pleasure that must not speak it’s name. So is the discussion of sex off bounds; how did we get to this point and, more importantly, how do we get out of it?

The Sexual Revolution has been a long challenging fight which has largely gone unrecorded and even skewed to suit the message being conveyed. The history of Sexual Revolution is greatly fragmented and is often charted largely through the history of law and records of trials but even this then has it’s slant on it. However, in recent times sexual exploration has faced a trial by media.

There is a current trend in the media of demonising sex further with the new phenomenon of the ‘pornification’ of society. It seems we have become numb to the word ‘sexualisation.’ We needed something more shocking to degrade sex further. This new media label gives the impression sex has sunk to a level which has left us disengaged with the people we’re doing it with and only interested in the activity. In reality the only danger to society and our enjoyment of sex is the little positive discussion we’re having about it, we are leaving it to the marketeers, media and pop culture to define our views of real sex. The biggest dangers to us fully enjoying the pleasures of intimacy and the sex we deserve is the vilification and demonisation of sex through the media and how that filters through to society as a whole. This then perpetuates our own in built guilt keeping us from enjoying and indulging in a pleasure unmatched by anything and further reflecting it onto others; in the end we only have ourselves we have to blame.

“We are all born sexual creatures, thank god, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”
Marilyn Monroe.

Reclaiming sex
The recent vote in the house of commons , in the U.K., to allow gay marriage was another massive step in the fight for sexual freedom and although there is a long road to go down the massive majority vote in favour of allowing this shows there is a sea of change in attitudes towards sexuality as a whole or does it?

The fight for sexual freedom is as important as gender equality or racial equality both of which in some way have included their own stance when it comes to sexuality. However, sections of the media are constantly using sex to negatively define anyone outside monogamous baby making sexual relationships. I have recently read a few of articles questioning if the success of 50 Shades and a cultural change in fashion and art of a bondage and bdsm influence has created a culture whereby people have become more disengaged from sex and the people they are having it with. Since the early humans drew sexual acts on cave walls art and life have imitated each other; one being influenced by the other; each one pushing the boundaries and in turn allowing each one to be freer in their expression and experimentation.

Then there are the trials by media, firstly celebrities who are caught out by the papers in stings or kiss and tell stories which seem to set about making normal consensual adult sexual activities the issue rather than it being about trust. Furthermore, there is the more dangerous trial by media of people in stories and cases who are supposedly guilty because of the sexual activities or relationships they engage in. In the recent case of Mick Philpotts, for example, the BBC decided to label him a polygamist and in a polyamorous relationship thereby setting in stone a psuedocriminalisation of anyone else who lives this way. Each time these stories make us all a little more fearful of our relationship choices and how we choose to enjoy sex, eventually making us less likely to express and discuss real life everyday legal and consensual sexual activities.

People have become afraid to be sex positive, sometimes even behind closed doors. Over recent months there have been two incidents which have shocked me. The first occasion was a female client who was talking about fantasies and brought up the subject of anal sex but it came out through the course of the conversation that she thought it was illegal due to a news story she had read that gave the impression that it was the type of sex someone was having that had been their downfall. The second one was when a woman was explaining how her and her partner used condoms and she missed that feeling of his cum. She said she would like him to ejaculate on her body including her face but because of the links with porn and how the negative
connotations of porn and sex in the media made her feel uncomfortable even bringing it up with her partner. These two cases show the worrying trend in how the media vilify sex acts, demonising them almost to the point of pseudo criminalisation. In the realm of legally consenting adult relationships and sex anything is allowed and we need to stop allowing media and society conventions for inhibiting our exploration of harmless fantasies. This photoshopping by the media eats away at societies perception of real sex and we’re made more introvert about our sex lives creating a situation where sex becomes the issue because through our inhibitions we reinforce the impression that sex is shameful, and it ultimately becomes self perpetuating. In
actual fact what the media doesn’t realise is that the current problems surrounding relationship and sex including porn culture, rape culture and the discussion of consent has been created because of the lack of positive discussion of everyday relationships and sex not just for teens but for anyone who turns to the internet instead of friends to get a positive ideas on anything sexually related.

“We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad
daylight.” John Lennon

 

Chris-Bowness-Unity-300x212

Power to the people
In reality it is obvious many others love sex too. There is an overwhelming theme in the correspondence I receive which all centre around the thirst for more real sex positivity through wanting to share tales of euphoric bliss or the things that can go wrong — accidents, laughs, mistakes or getting (nearly) caught — all real things that people are thirsty to share with others but are afraid to. People confide these events with me quite openly because they know they won’t be judged or defined by their activities and in doing so can indulge that need we all have in sharing these events with others.

In order to reclaim sex we all need to be a little bit more open about real sex and Consenting Adults is the start. Actually taking the leap and being that person who people can come to about sex, knowing they won’t be judged and being able to communicate about real sex positively is a great start. To get to that point though we need to break the cycle of defining ourselves and each other through the sexual activities we indulge in, fantasise about or discover through our exploration of relationships and pleasure. Only then can we get talking and sharing the experiences we desperately want to share with others in the same way we do when we make a great cake or achieve any other of life’s wondrous feats. But also in our failings we can help show that sex is real, isn’t perfect but can still be pleasurable and make us all connect better and feel more human.

My hope for Consenting Adults through this column and the online magazine you can find at www.bit.ly/ConsentingAdults is that it will be the tool to opening up conversation and breaking down the barriers of relationships and sex exploration and show that behind these stories and articles of real sex are fantastic, caring, brilliant and beautiful people who walk amongst us everyday thus dispelling the negative definitions and helping us all feel more comfortable talking about these subjects. Hopefully sharing this column with others can help us all start that conversation and get us reclaiming sex.

Finally, ‘legal and consensual’ there I’ve said it so everything is now ok…it seems that sex and relationships are the only subject this phrase has to be added to when we want an open honest discussion of real sex and that if it’s not you’re automatically suggesting something which is either illegal or nonconsensual. When people talk of sex whether online or in the real world there seems to be weird phenomenon that occurs whereby such discussions are defaulted to implying illegal or non consential activities until that phrase is uttered. From bloggers to writers to sex therapists and educators we all need to create a new paradigm whereby the legal and consensual status of positive, enjoyable exploritive pleasure is implied by definition. This is part
of the reason I chose the title Consenting Adults ensuring that in all discussions and articles this never needs to be added unless, as in the case of this article, it’s in context.

 
© 2018 K D Grace
The Romance Reviews

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