Tag Archives: relationships

Cycle of Orgasm: Path to letting go during partnered sex

October 17, 2013Blog, Guest BloggerChris Unity Bowness, Consenting Adults, orgasm, relationships, sex, sex mentoringK D Grace

Welcome back, Chris Unity Bowness with another instalment of Consenting Adults

As a mentor, I’m very intrigued by Orgasms and the issues that surround them.

Drawing on my mentoring experiences, I’ve created my own model of what I believe is a path to ‘letting ourselves flow’ to orgasm during partnered sex. As ever though this is not set in stone and is ever evolving based on my experiences of the issues people have shared with me.

I think it’s important to point out that there are a number of reasons for not being able to achieve an orgasm — physical, mental and medical. If you are experiencing problems I recommend first seeking expert medical advice and making sure everything is OK before exploring this path.

Ownership

One of the complaints I hear is “They just can’t make me come.” I believe that the starting point to orgasm is the understanding that ultimate responsibility for our pleasure lies with us. Self-exploration is a great way to achieve a better understanding of what turns us on but also what happens to our bodies during pleasure and orgasm.

Use the whole of your hands to explore your body. Probe every curve and ridge brushing and kneading with hands. Using your fingers in places palms can’t reach will give you a deeper understanding of your body and what makes you orgasm. Whether it’s penetrative, clitoral, g spot, anal or even nipple orgasms, discovering what we like can start in our own company and give us a greater understanding of our desires and how our bodies reacts. Introducing sex toys will help our self-discovery go even further.

Communication

Having a greater understanding of how we enjoy pleasure, what happens to our body during pleasure and ultimately what makes us orgasm can put us in a great position to be able to communicate this to our partners. Using positive consensual language can be a great way to let things go more positively and naturally. For example: “Do you want me to show you where I really like to be touched?” Inability to effectively use language during intimacy is often a stumbling block to orgasm. I’ve discussed this topic previously in a guest article on K.D. Grace’s fellow author and Brit Babe Kay Jaybee’s site which you can read here.

The biggest builder of intimacy between couples is not sex but the shared vulnerability which includes those moments during sex when partners make themselves vulnerable in order to give pleasure and receive pleasure. Communicating with our partner that we want to be pleasured, and how, is one of the most vulnerable positions in which we can put ourselves. It is positively giving our partners consent to touch us and to show them how.

Immersion

Once we have built confidence and trust with ourselves and our partner, we can then begin to fully connect intimately and spiritually with each other. Taking foreplay to a deeper level by using skin warming massage, or brushing and sensual kissing to awaken the whole of each other’s bodies are examples. Always check in with each other and only move on when both are ready.

Traditionally in heterosexual relationships men and women have viewed the ultimate climax of sex as being male ejaculation and judged the results of happy sex on that alone. Moving away from the idea of male ejaculation being the end point can help remove the pressures of performance for men and women.

Post coital time can also be important. Since sex can be a very vulnerable and soul bearing experience, people’s post-sex actions can help reinforce positive or negative feelings. Negative actions, such as walking off or getting dressed and going home — even after amazing sex, can reinforce negative emotions in regards to sex and allow stress and anxiety to build each time sex takes place. Positive actions, communication, and really checking in with each other after sex can create a positive experience that ease the ‘letting go’ and becoming vulnerable physically and mentally the next time the couple has sex.

Finally, it’s helpful to immerse ourselves in each other outside the bedroom with warm touches and kisses, which can flood our brains with oxytocin. This can help build deeper connections with each other. If we are not with our partners, checking in via text, or even using saucy texts, or emails can help to build deeper bonds and mentally prepare us for sex by starting foreplay well before we reach the bedroom.

Find Chris Here:

www.multiple-asms.org

Consenting Adults: Chris Unity Bowness Talks about Taking Sex Outside

July 30, 2013Blog, Guest BloggerChris Unity Bowness, Consenting Adults, psychology, relationships, sex, sex al frescoK D Grace

Summer lovin’ had me a blast

Here in the U.K. we’ve been experiencing unprecedented high temperatures, which is bound to lead to hands wandering as lovers look for covert spots on the beach or pull one another off the beaten track to frolic in a secluded field.

The questions – and the confessions — I get the most this time of year are in regards to outdoors sex.

Summer sun, something’s begun

Often, the question of the laws regarding outdoor naughtiness is either something that people are most worried about or haven’t taken into consideration at all. And no doubt the risk of being caught is part of the thrill of sex al fresco.

In 2003 the U.K. The Sex Offences Act was amended to relax laws where consensual sexual activities could take place. Under the law, sexual activities in public was once strictly forbidden, but sex is now allowed in places that are isolated and where there would be an expectation of privacy. However, if you are planning to do the dirty in your own back garden you could fall foul of the law if someone spots you from the street or public through way.

She got friendly down in the sand.

A big part of the reason people enjoy romping around outdoors is the thrill and the risk of being heard or caught in the act.

The beach lends itself really well to the joys of outdoor sex, as it allows you to gage the mood and pick a nice secluded spot. You could hide yourself amongst the grasses in the sand dunes or if you’re feeling adventurous find a corner on the beach or even a cave. And there’s always sex in the sea. The other reason the beach is great is for such an occasion is because it’s quite acceptable for both men and women to wear next to nothing, meaning easier access.

The countryside also offers a great variety of nooks and crannies. A picnic in the right spot in the woods could offer an opportune moment to try out your foraging skills with your lover. You may even be lucky and come across a handmade shelter or cover made of wood often left behind by campers. Getting lost in fields of hay or walking along rivers or even in them can also provide opportune moments to get hot and sweaty together.

People have divulged to me a whole range of confessions regarding outdoor sex. It seems to be something people love to boast about, given the chance. Locations have included waterfalls, old barns, under bridges over canals, in barges and even in an allotment shed – a whole host to take inspiration from.

Summer lovin’ happened so fast.

Spontaneous versus pre-planned sex has always been a hot debate, both have their ups and downs.

When it comes to outdoor sex being spontaneous can be easier in a sense that you can get a feel for the surroundings and enjoy that sudden surge of sexual excitement when you are tugged towards a shaded area through the long grass. Being spontaneous is a great way to enjoy the great outdoors and let go of inhibitions.

On the other hand planning ahead for an outdoor romp can help to make sure that everything is in place to make sure things go off with a bang. The tension and build up to the very point when you decide to take the plunge can provide fantastic foreplay.

However, I believe that outdoor sex can easily strike the balance between the two and with a little preparation and having the right equipment in the boot you will always be ready for that opportune moment.

Keeping a blanket to hand to put on the ground to protect your skin from sand or grass is useful. Also think about keeping things tidy, using condoms even if you don’t usually do so. Plus, safety items like water bottles, sun cream and a torch. Something you could both leave behind is the underwear, and be sure to choose clothes that are light and airy and will give you both easy access.

Not comfortable with going all the way? Outdoor naughtiness has something for everyone, sex doesn’t have to mean going all the way; fumbling around, adorning your lover with kisses, mutual masturbation even over clothes can act as great foreplay to the main event for when you’re back at home.

Find Chris Here:

www.multiple-asms.org

Real Sex: Let’s Get Positive! Welcome Chris Unity Bowness & Consenting Adults

April 30, 2013Blog, Guest BloggerChris Unity Bowness, Consenting Adults, psychology, relationships, sex, sex positive, sexualityK D Grace

As promised, I’m very excited to introduce Chris Unity Bowness’s first Consenting Adults post. Chris has agreed to make Consenting Adults a regular feature for A Hopeful Romantic, and it’s a pleasure to welcome him onboard.

Real Sex: Let’s Get Positive
I love sex…whether it’s engaging in it; researching it; talking or writing about it or mentoring others in exploring it. Let’s face it sex is the best most pleasurable thing one, two or even more consenting adults can do.

How often do you hear those opening 3 words spoken in the same context as I love cooking; I love music; I love mountain climbing…followed by a discussion on why that person loves it? All of our hobbies and activities give us much pleasure and enjoyment; people not only like to indulge in telling people why they enjoy them but others like to hear them passionately talk about their pleasures too. However, it seems the discussion of sex is a pleasure that must not speak it’s name. So is the discussion of sex off bounds; how did we get to this point and, more importantly, how do we get out of it?

The Sexual Revolution has been a long challenging fight which has largely gone unrecorded and even skewed to suit the message being conveyed. The history of Sexual Revolution is greatly fragmented and is often charted largely through the history of law and records of trials but even this then has it’s slant on it. However, in recent times sexual exploration has faced a trial by media.

There is a current trend in the media of demonising sex further with the new phenomenon of the ‘pornification’ of society. It seems we have become numb to the word ‘sexualisation.’ We needed something more shocking to degrade sex further. This new media label gives the impression sex has sunk to a level which has left us disengaged with the people we’re doing it with and only interested in the activity. In reality the only danger to society and our enjoyment of sex is the little positive discussion we’re having about it, we are leaving it to the marketeers, media and pop culture to define our views of real sex. The biggest dangers to us fully enjoying the pleasures of intimacy and the sex we deserve is the vilification and demonisation of sex through the media and how that filters through to society as a whole. This then perpetuates our own in built guilt keeping us from enjoying and indulging in a pleasure unmatched by anything and further reflecting it onto others; in the end we only have ourselves we have to blame.

“We are all born sexual creatures, thank god, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”
Marilyn Monroe.

Reclaiming sex
The recent vote in the house of commons , in the U.K., to allow gay marriage was another massive step in the fight for sexual freedom and although there is a long road to go down the massive majority vote in favour of allowing this shows there is a sea of change in attitudes towards sexuality as a whole or does it?

The fight for sexual freedom is as important as gender equality or racial equality both of which in some way have included their own stance when it comes to sexuality. However, sections of the media are constantly using sex to negatively define anyone outside monogamous baby making sexual relationships. I have recently read a few of articles questioning if the success of 50 Shades and a cultural change in fashion and art of a bondage and bdsm influence has created a culture whereby people have become more disengaged from sex and the people they are having it with. Since the early humans drew sexual acts on cave walls art and life have imitated each other; one being influenced by the other; each one pushing the boundaries and in turn allowing each one to be freer in their expression and experimentation.

Then there are the trials by media, firstly celebrities who are caught out by the papers in stings or kiss and tell stories which seem to set about making normal consensual adult sexual activities the issue rather than it being about trust. Furthermore, there is the more dangerous trial by media of people in stories and cases who are supposedly guilty because of the sexual activities or relationships they engage in. In the recent case of Mick Philpotts, for example, the BBC decided to label him a polygamist and in a polyamorous relationship thereby setting in stone a psuedocriminalisation of anyone else who lives this way. Each time these stories make us all a little more fearful of our relationship choices and how we choose to enjoy sex, eventually making us less likely to express and discuss real life everyday legal and consensual sexual activities.

People have become afraid to be sex positive, sometimes even behind closed doors. Over recent months there have been two incidents which have shocked me. The first occasion was a female client who was talking about fantasies and brought up the subject of anal sex but it came out through the course of the conversation that she thought it was illegal due to a news story she had read that gave the impression that it was the type of sex someone was having that had been their downfall. The second one was when a woman was explaining how her and her partner used condoms and she missed that feeling of his cum. She said she would like him to ejaculate on her body including her face but because of the links with porn and how the negative
connotations of porn and sex in the media made her feel uncomfortable even bringing it up with her partner. These two cases show the worrying trend in how the media vilify sex acts, demonising them almost to the point of pseudo criminalisation. In the realm of legally consenting adult relationships and sex anything is allowed and we need to stop allowing media and society conventions for inhibiting our exploration of harmless fantasies. This photoshopping by the media eats away at societies perception of real sex and we’re made more introvert about our sex lives creating a situation where sex becomes the issue because through our inhibitions we reinforce the impression that sex is shameful, and it ultimately becomes self perpetuating. In
actual fact what the media doesn’t realise is that the current problems surrounding relationship and sex including porn culture, rape culture and the discussion of consent has been created because of the lack of positive discussion of everyday relationships and sex not just for teens but for anyone who turns to the internet instead of friends to get a positive ideas on anything sexually related.

“We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad
daylight.” John Lennon

Power to the people
In reality it is obvious many others love sex too. There is an overwhelming theme in the correspondence I receive which all centre around the thirst for more real sex positivity through wanting to share tales of euphoric bliss or the things that can go wrong — accidents, laughs, mistakes or getting (nearly) caught — all real things that people are thirsty to share with others but are afraid to. People confide these events with me quite openly because they know they won’t be judged or defined by their activities and in doing so can indulge that need we all have in sharing these events with others.

In order to reclaim sex we all need to be a little bit more open about real sex and Consenting Adults is the start. Actually taking the leap and being that person who people can come to about sex, knowing they won’t be judged and being able to communicate about real sex positively is a great start. To get to that point though we need to break the cycle of defining ourselves and each other through the sexual activities we indulge in, fantasise about or discover through our exploration of relationships and pleasure. Only then can we get talking and sharing the experiences we desperately want to share with others in the same way we do when we make a great cake or achieve any other of life’s wondrous feats. But also in our failings we can help show that sex is real, isn’t perfect but can still be pleasurable and make us all connect better and feel more human.

My hope for Consenting Adults through this column and the online magazine you can find at www.bit.ly/ConsentingAdults is that it will be the tool to opening up conversation and breaking down the barriers of relationships and sex exploration and show that behind these stories and articles of real sex are fantastic, caring, brilliant and beautiful people who walk amongst us everyday thus dispelling the negative definitions and helping us all feel more comfortable talking about these subjects. Hopefully sharing this column with others can help us all start that conversation and get us reclaiming sex.

Finally, ‘legal and consensual’ there I’ve said it so everything is now ok…it seems that sex and relationships are the only subject this phrase has to be added to when we want an open honest discussion of real sex and that if it’s not you’re automatically suggesting something which is either illegal or nonconsensual. When people talk of sex whether online or in the real world there seems to be weird phenomenon that occurs whereby such discussions are defaulted to implying illegal or non consential activities until that phrase is uttered. From bloggers to writers to sex therapists and educators we all need to create a new paradigm whereby the legal and consensual status of positive, enjoyable exploritive pleasure is implied by definition. This is part
of the reason I chose the title Consenting Adults ensuring that in all discussions and articles this never needs to be added unless, as in the case of this article, it’s in context.

Caroline and Chris Unity Bowness Talk About What Makes Their Partnership Passionate

April 25, 2013Blog, InterviewsConsenting Adults, interview, Passionate Partners, relationships, sexual mentoringK D Grace

Up until now, all of my PP interviews have been with erotica writers and their partners, But it’s my pleasure today to interview Chris and Caroline Unity Bowness for Passionate Partners, and their story is a little different. Thanks so much for joining me, Caroline and Chris!

Chris: Relationship and Sex Mentor initially studied business for 10 years and helped people run their own businesses. I finally stumbled on my real calling after helping people with relationships and sex and who kept telling me I should go for it….eventually I took the leap and love every minute.

Caroline: Workaholic, business owner, lover of people, best friend, Mum, proof reader ….and sex toy guinea pig.

KD: Chris, we met on Facebook, as I recall. You and Caroline had read The Pet Shop together, which immediately reassured me that you were fabulous people with excellent taste. From that, our discussion blossomed to discussing sex as a celebration and a key to intimacy in relationships. Our discussion was my first clue that I was speaking to one half of a pair of Passionate Partners. It’s an absolute pleasure to have the two of you on A Hopeful Romantic
today to talk about your passionate partnership. Since then, I’ve had you on my site as a guest and we’ve had lots of conversations that have convinced me I was witnessing another one of those passionate partnerships in the promoting and celebration of sexuality through erotica. How did that journey begin, and has it always been a team effort?

Chris: Erotica has always played an important part of our journey and it’s a great tool for opening up communcation on sex and pleasure without that awkwardness of starting it yourself. However, building a relatioship thats unashamed about intimacy, sex and pleasure Caroline has to take the credit for.

Caroline: the shower scene perhaps?

Chris: yes…. 1st date, a shy teen facing the claws of the cougar…

Caroline: 3 years and you weren’t no teen… But yes you were… how shall I put it?… Naive?

Chris: A night out and ended up staying together for the night not sexually but intimately. Next morning Kim Cattrall here suggests showering together less a baptism of fire more an indecent drowning, and there began the journey of sex and intimacy beginning positively.

Caroline: My mum always instilled in me that sex is harmless fun… ok you may have to be safer these days… but the act itself has not changed. This is the foundation that has been our passion in promoting real sex and the discussion of such. Oh! We do love the Pet Shop though and often have our own little in jokes referencing them.

KD: Very glad to hear that you enjoyed The Pet Shop together. *smiles like a proud mother*

Chris: I recently guested on a Kay Jaybee’s website and wrote about using Erotica as a great tool in the bedroom.

KD: I understand that the two of you have a unique relationship where child rearing and work is concerned. Could you share a little bit about that with us? What did you find most difficult in your arrangement? What did you find most beneficial?

Chris: We both take an active role in bringing our children up, we both run our own businesses and there are times when one needs to be working and one of us naturally slots in and takes time with the children.

Caroline: At the weekend it’s all about family time. Saturday morning we share a family breakfast were we all sit together and discuss the week. We try to have work take a back seat over the weekend.

KD: Could you both tell us a little bit about your work, and what’s most rewarding about it. (I’m thinking in terms of how you got involved with testing sex toys and how one thing led to another.) And what’s most difficult.

Caroline: We fell into by chance really we noticed a few opportunities arise and then when we decided to take the plunge the magazine we were set to review for shut down. We then found our opportunity when an online store put a call out for reviewers and things kind of grew from there.

Chris: Obviously the upside is a constant abundance of free toys and latest products to test out. However, in recent times we’ve slowed down a little as finding time in busy schedules to test and write is a job in itself but we do like to keep our hands in. It also helps me keep up to date with the latest products and names out there so I can recommend them to clients.

KD: What has been the craziest experience you’ve shared in your mutual journey through sex mentoring and the celebration of sex in relationship?

Chris: People know what I do and know Caroline is sex positive too which puts us in the position of the go to people when people have amazing sexual experiences and want to share their story with one of us. We’ve had stories of a woman nearly getting caught giving her boyfriend a blowjob under a bridge whilst they were at a wedding (you know who you are). The stories of unashamed exhilarating one nights stands and a gay man who wanted to share his story of hot sex when his partner came home from work in the early hours and took him by surprise. What’s sad is people want to share these sexual achievements like any other life happy accomplishments but there is a stigma with doing so.

Caroline: One such story being told to me recently involved the discussion of horse tail butt plugs!

KD: Caroline, I don’t know you as well as I do Chris, so tell us a little bit about yourself. Who is Caroline Bowness, and what things matter most to her right now in her journey.

Caroline: My passion is helping others through life as it’s just far too short, family and friends are important to me. I also run my own business which involves helping others so whether it’s people who need my service or people I work along side it’s all about working as a team and making sure everyone is happy.

Chris: She does have a nickname of Hils which is short for Hilary Devey of Dragons Den fame as she is a bit of an idol of Caroline’s.

Caroline: It’s growing on me!

KD: Caroline, what do you consider your most important role in supporting Chris in his mentoring? How do you see yourself sharing in that journey?

Caroline: Kicking him up the arse *joke* Self promotion, he has supported others in business for many years but when it comes to himself he finds it hard but I think it’s because he is to close to what he does to be able to look at it in a business sense.

KD: Chris, what do you think is the most important way Caroline supports and encourages you? What do you see as the most important way you support her?

Chris: Unequivocal and unwavering support, you must know how tough the negative voices can be KD especially in regards to work that’s sex related? Having someone who is always there no matter what, is special. Furthermore though even though I’m good at putting myself in someone else’s shoes Caroline is very good at giving a deeper insight into female perspective on things.

KD: What’s the hardest part of the Caroline/Chris working partnership?

Caroline: We both work when people need us which can be 1am… Opening a bottle of red and having the phone go or someone need us and having to let go. However, we both know the responsibility and passion each of us has to help others and make their lives better.

KD: What’s the best part?

Caroline: Being able to work with your BFF.

Chris: Bouncing off each other… Being in the unique position to have a great understanding of each others work but being able to be impartial when it comes to offering advice and making decisions.

KD: What’s the best advice the two of you can offer to help couples make their partnerships run smoother?

Chris: Whether you have children or not making your relationship the main priority which is pretty easy in the beginning by taking risks and chances to be together like both taking a sick day. However, over time people loose sight of the importance of putting their relationship first. For us we see it that a happy and close us is a great foundation to build our family on.

Caroline: Open and honest communication is really important… talking without fear. One thing we have built in is a cake date one afternoon a week at a local cafe where we put time aside for each other and our relationship. Chris once joked we could swap it for a gym date…. Erm no it’s not happening Mr!

KD: Tell us something about the Caroline and Chris Team that might really surprise us.

Caroline: We don’t conform to the traditional relationship set up. Days into meeting each other we had a conversation about the importance of the friends in our lives of the opposite sex. This had caused the breakdown of previous relationships for both of us and we had independently decided that in our next relationships we’d be honest about this.

Chris: We were just lucky we were both each others next relationship and actually that foundation brought us closer. We both have the freedom to love who we want and live how we want whilst having a great relationship together.

KD: Chris, could you tell us a little bit about the difference between a mentor and a therapist.

Chris: Long term support, when and where it’s needed but also prevention not cure to problems. Also here for the good things in relationships like guiding people in exploring pleasure. The real surprise I’ve had is the amount of positive messages I’ve received that all have the same theme a
thirst for open discussion in society about positive and real sex. Many people saying they want to be able to talk but they can’t for many reasons.

KD: What does the future hold for Caroline and Chris? Exciting plans? Adventures? New projects?

Chris: I work in the local community and want to get into it more maybe open an office or have my own space people can come to me. The near future is a website providing an online space people can come to get advice but also share their experiences good or bad help each other through but also positively promote real everyday pleasure and sex. Each weekend I also put together an online magazine rounding up the sex positive news in the
last 7 days which you can find at www.bit.ly/ConsentingAdults I also produce a monthly email packed with tips and advice and it’s proving rather popular. People can sign up at www.bit.ly/BeUnity Then finally there is the exciting monthly column I’ve been invited to do for you, KD, Consenting Adults promoting positive real sex, which starts next week.

KD: I’m very excited about that, Chris, and looking forward to having you onboard.

Caroline: A house by the sea and a puppy, actually it’s all about the puppies!

KD: No doubt the world would be a better place with more puppies … and kittens … strategically placed, of course. Thank you, both, so much for sharing a bit about your passionate partnership with us. It’s been a pleasure to have you here together. And Chris, we’ll be seeing you again soon.

Lexie Bay and Doug, Passionate Partners on the Wild Side

February 14, 2013Blog, Interviews, New ReleasesAn Indolent Seduction, anthology, erotica, erotica writers, inspiration, Lexie Bay, new release, Passionate Partners, relationships, Seven Deadly Sins, women's sexualityK D Grace

What better time for a Passionate Partners interview than on Valentine’s Day? The first time I heard the very talented Lexie Bay read at Sh!, the whole audience was enthralled. But there was one man sitting in the crowd who looked like his smile was about to burst his face. He had proud partner written all over him. That was Lexie’s lovely Other Half, Doug. Since then I’ve had many opportunities to enjoy the company of these Passionate Partners and the love and adoration between the two is vibrant. It was a no-brainer asking them to be my guests on Passionate Partners, so happy Valentine’s Day, and welcome, Lexie Bay and Doug, Sparky Cab, Bay!

Lexie’s Bio: Lexie started writing to immerse herself in a fantasy world where women are adored and men fall at their feet. Then she realised that sometimes men do that so you can stomp all over them in your sexy stiletto boots and since then she’s been creating stories that stay true to her original romantic dream while exploring the erotic, the kinky and the downright filthy. She finally found the courage to unleash them onto the world and now writes about anything that emerges from the murky depths of her imagination, anytime she can.

In typical romantic author style she lives with her husband and two daughters in a house by the sea on the south coast of England, but then spoils the image by working in the accounts office of an insurance company by day. She loves chocolate, theme parks, cosy winter Sundays and the smell of fresh sweat on a hot guy. Her dream is to write full time and she could die happy if people fell in love with her work as much as she falls in love with her characters.

Doug’s Bio: Doug has spent a lot of time getting tattoos, riding bikes – including a gorgeous Harley Davidson Road King – driving too fast and generally being a bit of a wild child in his younger days. Then he met Lexie and nothing changed! Nowadays he works as a cab driver and helps look after their two girls. He can cook, clean, fix stuff and is a genius painter and decorator with a hint of Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen when it comes to interior design. But he still collects tattoos and loves the naughty side of life that comes with being married to an erotica writer. He also likes to take the stress out of his life on his balls; golf balls that is!

KD: Lexie and Doug, one of the things that struck me about the two of you when I first met you was how proud Doug was of your writing, Lexie, and how he always seemed to be promoting you. That convinced me right on the spot that I was witnessing another one of those passionate partnerships in the promoting and celebration of sexuality through erotica. How did that journey begin, and has it always been a team effort?

Lexie: Funnily enough it was Doug that first persuaded me to send in one of my stories. I’ve been writing for years to entertain myself and as a way to indulge my creative side in amongst the sensible side of my life. We’ve always been interested in experimenting, reading and watching erotic things together and he asked why I didn’t write some stories myself. Doug has always been my biggest fan and supporter and he gives me the confidence to keep going even when I think I’ll never get any further with it!

Doug: I had never read any of Lexie’s stories until we discussed sending them off to be published but I knew that she enjoyed writing and I knew that she had a very filthy imagination! I always knew that she would be successful, and I do anything I can to help her fulfil her dream.

KD: Lexie, what does Doug do to help your writing career that you appreciate more than anything else?

Lexie: Doug’s biggest contribution is the fact that he works nights a lot which gives me the space and peace to write. I work all day and then I don’t get into trouble for working all night as he is out in the taxi. Doug is also amazing at doing things around the house, like cooking, tidying, hoovering and sorting out the kids, which leaves me more time to think about story lines and write. He also tells me all the time to quit my job and write full time but so far I think I would feel too guilty to actually do it and let him do all the hard work while I indulge myself in my writing.

KD: Doug, what, so far (knowing that there are lots more such moments ahead) has been the moment in Lexie’s writing career when you’ve been the most proud of her?

Doug: I get the biggest rush when I see her stories in paperback. I remember when the author copies of Immoral Views were delivered and how excited she was to see her story in an actual book for the first time. Another big moment was when she got short listed for the Black Lace/You Magazine competition. She was so excited and I was so proud of her. It’s always fun when people ask her to sign copies of her books too, and I love watching her read when we go to Sh!

KD: What has been the craziest experience you’ve shared in your mutual journey through erotica?

Lexie: We’ve had some amazing experiences since I started writing erotica. We’ve met some incredible people, been to some fantastic places and that doesn’t show any sign of letting up. One of my favourite nights was the Sh! party at the Café de Paris, and we both love going to the party nights at the Sh! shop. Not much can top watching Renee giving a demonstration of how to spank/whip correctly while drinking pink fizz and eating cupcakes. I love the things my writing allows us to do.

Doug: One of my favourite moments was chatting to Tempest Rose and the other girls from the House of Burlesque at the theatre in Eastbourne after their show. There were queues of guys waiting to speak to them and Tempest recognised us and came over to chat. How jealous was everyone?!

KD: Doug, once Lexie begins a new story, how involved are you in the process? What do you consider your most important role when she’s with the Muse?

Doug: I don’t really get involved, but I guess my role when she’s creating is to keep out of the way! Sometimes she will ask me if I think a scene will work and we do talk about how the characters might react to different things, but my role is to keep things going behind the scenes, especially if she has a deadline looming.

KD: What’s the hardest part of the Lexie/Doug working partnership?

Lexie: I think the hardest part is that when I’m immersed in a story I can be a bit single minded and when I don’t get time to write I can be really grumpy. I get so involved in my characters that they become my life and if Doug isn’t as romantic as my leading man he can find himself in the dog house without knowing why!

Doug: I find it hard when Lexie is immersed in a story because she ignores me. It’s almost like being married to two women.

KD: What’s the best part?

Lexie: The best part is that when I’m thinking about sex all the time, it does wonders for our sex life. I wouldn’t say that I try out scenes on him but it does often give me ideas for things we could get up to! Also, when I write I’m happy and when I’m happy (like Bagpuss) everyone else is happy. There is nothing like the rush of having a story accepted and Doug is always there to celebrate with me.

Doug: The best part is seeing how happy Lexie is when she gets a story accepted, as well as getting to meet all the other people involved in the industry and going to all the amazing parties.

KD: What’s the best advice the two of you can offer to make that strange and wonderful relationship between erotica writers and their partners run smoother?

L&D: Make sure you support each other and remember that the stories aren’t real but the fantasies can be!

KD: That’s fabulous advice! Tell us something about the Lexie and Doug Team that might really surprise us.

Lexie: We’re really very normal and to look at us you wouldn’t dream of what we get up to some weekends when we hotfoot it up to London to play “erotica writer” with our naughty friends. We work hard, we’re raising two young girls with all the dramas that that brings and we spend a lot of time making each other laugh. I suppose one of the big things in our relationship is the ability to laugh at all the crap life throws at you. We’ve been through some major dramas in the ten years we’ve been together but we’ve managed to get through it all with a lot of love and a lot of laughs.

KD: Lexie, what’s the Muse had you up to lately, and what yumminess should we be keeping an eye out for from Lexie Bay?

Lexie: I’ve got a story coming out that I’m really proud of. I feel as though this year my writing is starting to really gel and I’m starting to find my writing style. I love this one so much. It’s called “Decadent Velvet” and I wrote it for the “Smut for Chocoholics” anthology that Sexy Reads has got coming soon.

As well as that I’ve got three novellas that I am trying to finish and hopefully submit somewhere. The first is the back story to the short that got me shortlisted for the Black Lace competition at the start of the year. I enjoyed writing that one so much that I just had to put all the background into it. It’s about an ambitious young woman who falls for a guy who turns out not only to be her new boss but who also has a lot more issues than she bargained for and a much more exciting side than she could ever have imagined. This is my first attempt at a bit of BDSM so I’m a bit nervous about doing it justice.

The second is about two brothers and the girl that they both love. It’s a bit darker than I would normally write and it’s a very intense story. I’ve been batting ideas around for this one since I started writing erotica and I’ve decided that this year I’m actually going to finish it and hopefully get it out for people to read.

The last one is a supernatural story about a Succubus and her messed up family. It’s also a bit dark but it’s full of lighter moments and it was inspired by a really funny guy I was friends with a year or so ago. His take on life made me giggle and I wanted to write something that would capture his humour.

On top of all of that I’m busy promoting my latest story “An Indolent Seduction” which is the story of Sloth from “Seven Deadly Sins” published by Sweetmeats Press. It’s out in e-book and paperback and you can get it from:

Amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/Seven-Deadly-Sins-K-Grace/dp/1909181080/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1360538323&sr=8-3

WH Smiths http://www.whsmith.co.uk/EProducts/Seven-Deadly-Sins+eBook+KB00106214637

Waterstones http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/lexie+bay/k-+d-+grace/rebecca+bond/kojo+black/john+lachatte/seven+deadly+sins/9514507/

Blurb: When the demon of Sloth sets his sights on the angel Industria, apathy becomes dangerously alluring.

Excerpt from An Indolent Seduction by Lexie Bay:

Cordy’s mobile rang and he picked it up frowning. What the hell did Hugo want? He put his hand on the girl in his lap’s head, halting her vigorous blow job for a moment as he answered the phone.

“What is it Hugo, I’m taking some time out of my busy schedule?” Cordy snapped

“Right, yah, sorry boss, still learning the ropes. I think this is pretty important though.”

Cordy tapped the girl on the head, indicating that she should carry on her task. She smiled up at him, languidly running her tongue over her lips before she slid his cock back into her mouth. He stifled a groan as Hugo carried on.

“They did fucking what?!”

He pushed the blonde out of his lap and jumped up, tucking himself back into his trousers. Storming over to his laptop he clicked onto his website. Hugo wasn’t lying; there it was in black and white. “Website removed”

Cordy knew exactly who was behind this. He’d put up with a lot from her but this was the final straw. He ran his fingers through his hair, pacing the floor of his office as his mind worked overtime. Then a slow smile spread across his face and heaven felt a cold wind, spreading a chill across all the virtues.

“Get it up and running again, I don’t care who you need to involve. I want it accessible again by the end of the day if not sooner,” he barked into his phone, not even listening to Hugo as he answered him. He snapped his phone shut and turned to the pretty blonde, wondering how quickly he could get rid of her. He needed to plan his revenge and she was a distraction he didn’t need. Unfortunately she looked like she’d had way too much of whatever it was she’d brought with her, mixed with too many glasses of champagne. She was smiling at him and he was fairly certain he wasn’t going to get away with telling her to go.

*****

Lexie is published by House of Erotica and Sweetmeats Press and you can find out more about her at:

http://www.lexiebay.co.uk

http://www.twitter.com/Lexie_Bay

http://www.facebook.com/LexieBayAuthor