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Sex Al Fresco! Tis the Season for Garden Porn

Raymond and I had breakfast in the allotment this morning. We ate our sandwiches and drank our coffee in plastic chairs looking out over our small holding, now in the full foliage and bloom of summer. We watched a pair of black birds hunting for invertabrates for the fledglings and flitting about to devour unprotected currents.

Last night we picked a mountain of french beans and enough hefty courgettes to inspire any writer of garden porn. There’s just something about being out in the fresh air and sunshine on a British Summer day that can’t help but make the pulse beat a little quicker and the blood run a little warmer. Phallic veg aside, let’s face it, the great outdoors is a powerful aphrodesiac. And it’s pretty much a guarantee that those who haven’t partaken of sex al fresco at least once have certainly fantasized about it.

Tuesday Chris Unity Bowness will be back on A Hopeful Romantic with his monthly comumn, Consenting Adults, to talk more about sex al fresco and how to make the best of it, but since I’m spending a lot of time in the veg patch these days, which will no doubt inspire some more seriously sizzling garden porn, I thought I’d inspire all of you to venture out into the hot and sexy natural world and enjoy. So here’s a little excerpt from my novella, SurrogatesS. With a warm and steamy Britain, you don’t have too go far to find heat outside. Whether you want to partake or only have a little voyeuristic pleasure reading about someone else doing the deed in the open air, here’s a little something to celebrate summer sex in the sun along with a few piccies from our veg patch.

Warning: This excerpt is not for the prim and proper. This is garden porn at is raunchiest.


DANIEL ALEXANDER III takes his marriage vows seriously. Until he gets the balls to ask his wife, BEL, for a divorce, watching each other masturbate is all he can offer his beautiful gardener, FRANCIE CARTER. But when Dan’s friend, SIMON PARIS, agrees to be his surrogate, affairs of the heart get complicated.

Surrogates surrogatesExcerpt:

‘Francie? Francie, are you there?’ Dan made his way around behind the jungle of runner beans, getting a shoe full of warm moist soil when he stepped off the path. As the grit infiltrated his dress socks, he would have cursed his clumsiness, but then he saw her on hands and knees, the swell of her hips slightly raised in her efforts to pull stubborn weeds. She didn’t have to do that. She was the head kitchen gardener, a goddess in her domain. He hired underlings to do the weeding, but fuck, he was glad she took the hands-on approach, especially at times like this. She had kicked off the silly blue plastic gardening clogs she always wore, and her bare toes curled into the soft earth as though the very touch of it was an irresistible pleasure. How could soil between toes be so goddamned sexy?

The thin summer skirt she wore barely covered the heart-shaped roundness of her bottom, hugging her and clinging in the heavy summer heat to the delicious juncture where her thighs met. There were clearly no panty lines. She gardened in skirts, like she wanted to expose herself, like the act of planting and digging and cultivating made her a naughty bitch, who couldn’t get enough. But then that was the way he saw her in his fantasies, and oh shit, did he have fantasies about her! His cock jerked with insistence that nearly took his breath away. ‘There you are,’ he breathed, fingers already fumbling at his fly.

‘Go away. I’m busy,’ she said, giving some unfortunate weed an angry tug, an act the made the thin skirt quiver, made the firm muscles of her buttocks beneath clench and release. And his balls surged sending a testosterone buzz clear to the crown of his head.

He ignored the anger in her voice, well he didn’t actually ignore it. Her saucy temper made his cock even harder. ‘It’s all right, darling, you keep on working. Just lift your skirt for me.’ He grunted softly as he released his cock into his hand.

‘Lift it yourself. I said I’m busy.’

‘You know I can’t do that, sweetheart.’

She growled something particularly feral under her breath. He figured it wasn’t fit for polite company, which made him wish all the more that he’d heard it.

‘I’ve got such a load for you. I’ll come all over it if you don’t lift it for me,’ he said.

‘I have other skirts, Daniel.’ She only called him Daniel when she was really angry. ‘Why do I care where you come?’

‘Because you know where I really want to come, darling, and you have to know how badly I want it.’ He moved slightly to one side, not so far that her magnificent bottom wasn’t the centre of his attention, but far enough that, in her peripheral vision, she might catch a glimpse of him stroking his cock. Even if she couldn’t, she knew what he was doing, and he had no intention of being quiet about it. He lifted his balls free from his boxers and groaned at the feel of himself so full, so heavy for her.

She gave another angry yank at the offending weeds, and the resulting squeeze of her buttocks nearly sent him over the edge.

He spat on his hand noisily, rubbed his saliva over the length of his cock and groaned again, squinting at her exquisite back side as though if he just stared at it hard enough he could slide the skirt up over her hips with sheer desire. And the view would be magnificent. The way her knees were open, the way she braced herself on the garden mat, would showcase the tight dark bud of her anus nestled just above the splayed pout of her pussy. And her pussy, he had no doubt, would be slickened from knowing what he was doing, from knowing what he’d come for, what he so desperately wanted … needed.

‘You were with her, weren’t you? You were with your wife,’ she said reaching a gloved hand to deposit a handful of weeds in the trug next to her, an act which made the skirt ride up even further, an act which made him breathless.

‘What? No! I wasn’t. I promise. I had a meeting with my accountant that ran long. I swear it, Francie, darling. I haven’t seen Bel since I got home. Besides she’s staying over at her sisters this evening. They’re having a girl’s night out. Sweetheart, you know if I were with her, I’d tell you. Haven’t I always been above board about what goes on between Bel and me?’

She knew he had. Not that there was much to tell, but on the odd occasion when Bel had had too much wine with dinner and demanded he do his husbandly duty, or when she was feeling morose about her advancing years, all thirty-four of them, and needed to be shown she was still sexy, he never lied about it. It didn’t matter what sex acts he’d had to perform to please his wife, when Francie asked for details, he gave them. A part of him hated that she always asked. Surly she knew it would be easier if she didn’t know, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. And he didn’t hold back anything, even though he was always careful to remind her that it was thinking about her that made him come when he did his duty where Bel was concerned.

And all the while he told Francie what he’d done to Bel, told her details that made him blush, details that made his cock stretch and arch towards her, she listen while her cunt got slick and fat. Even as those details made her angry and unhappy, she asked for them. And while he told her, she played with herself, fingers darting furiously in and out between her heavy slippery folds, hips shifting and grinding as she asked him in clipped breathless words for more details. What did Bel’s pussy look like? How did she smell? Could he taste the wine she’d drank or the spices from Cook’s currey when he ate her out? How hard did her nipples get? Did she talk dirty when he pushed into her? Jesus, having sex with Bel, even though he knew it hurt Francie, was almost worth it to watch the way Francie took the pain, twisted it, turned it, reshaped it and came on it, came in lovely gushing female squirts at what she had made of it in her filthy little head.

Of course she didn’t like it that someone else got his cock while she only got to watch him wank. He didn’t like it either, but there was nothing for it at the moment. As much as he wanted Francie, as much as he dreamed of riding her raw, he was still married to Bel, and he would stay faithful until he got the balls to ask for a divorce. No matter how badly he wanted Francie, he could never behave towards Bel the way his father had towards his mother.

So why was he such a coward? People got divorced every day. Lots of people. Hell he knew people who had already been married and divorced multiple times. It was a simple thing to ask for a divorce these days. And yet, here he was like a damned adolescence begging for a peek under a girl’s skirt. ‘Please, darling, he said. ‘I don’t have a lot of time, and I want to spend what I do have with you.’

He saw the sigh shiver up through her body, and he knew he’d been forgiven. She raised on her knees enough to take off the gloves she wore, then with one hand she eased the skirt up over her hips and wriggled slightly to open her legs a little wider on the mat where she knelt.

He pressed his thumb to the head of his cock. The urge to come at the sight of her all engorged and open was nearly overwhelming. The pearlescent sheen on the inside of her pouting labia told him he wasn’t the only one who needed to come. As she arched her back downward and forced her bottom even higher, her clit came into view looking like a heavy swollen marble at the apex of her pussy. ‘Oh, Francie –’ he breathed ‘– touch it for me.’

She dipped her index and middle fingers in between her slick folds then drew them upward tightly against either side of her clit until it bulged still further, like soft, ripe fruit waiting to be nibbled. And, fuck, how he wished he could!

‘Do you like that?’ She breathed, glancing over her shoulder.

‘Oh God yes,’ he grunted.

‘I thought you weren’t going to show. I was angry,’ she said. ‘Oh, I definitely had plans for the vegetables I was sending Cook for your dinner tonight.’ She nodded to the basket of mixed phallic veg sitting on the ground next to her.

His cock jerked. ‘Show me,’ he breathed. ‘Show me what you were going to do to my veg.’

She took a heavy courgette slightly thicker than his cock, crooked and arched nearly in the shape of a banana. She gave it a leisurely deep-throating that had him thumbing the underside of his cock again, that had him imagining how it would feel if it were him getting the benefit of her delicious tongue. Her cheek muscles tugged and pulled on the courgette like it was a rod of steel.

When she was absolutely certain she had his full attention, she repositioned herself to face him. She wriggled her bare arse down onto the mat with her legs spayed. With one hand, she scrunched her skirt into a wad just below her navel, raking her long slender hand over tightly trimmed pubic curls, then she slid two fingers into her milky cunt and opened herself. With a little lifting of her buttocks and shifting of her hips she was ready. She snugged the hard jut of the courgette up tight against her reluctant pout.

Suddenly it was as though he weren’t even there, and that made it all the harder for him to hold his wad. She spat on her fingers and rubbed saliva around the place where the courgette met the tight press of her cunt hole. As though the task at hand demanded all the focus in the world, she alternately lubricated and pushed, lubricated and pushed, all the while making tight little grunting sounds low in her belly. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the slow, but relentless yielding of her grudging pussy to the press of the veg. With each push, with each shift, her clit marbled and beaded harder and harder just above the nudging of the courgette. She continued to push and stroke, push and stroke until at last her pussy hole yielded, her eyes fluttered and she caught her breath in a little gasp as the veg slid cock-deep into her gash.

‘Ah!’ she breathed. ‘That’s better. That’s just what I needed. Such a tight fit, but oh so yummy.’ Then she raised her eyes to meet his and offered him a smile that was almost shy. ‘Now I’m ready to come.’ Fingers still wet from her efforts with the veg, she undid the buttons of her sundress, releasing high firm breasts topped with heavy raspberry nipples into the pinching, kneading caress of one hand.

‘I don’t know about you –’ she grunted as she began to thrust and gyrate against the veg ‘– but I won’t be able to hold back long with all this heft up in my tight little fanny. And when I’m done coming, I’ll let you take the veg to the house for Cook. That way if you want to sneak a taste of my cunt, who’ll know?’ With each breathless thrust she lifted her arse off the gardening mat, giving him teasing glimpses of her gripping anus, and she knew exactly what he was looking at. She offered a throaty chuckle. ‘Maybe next time I’ll let you watch me shove a nice plump carrot back there. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?’

He only nodded. This was the point in their wank sessions where he always became nonverbal, too taken in by the heat of her, by the want of her, by the knowing that this was as much as he could allow himself of her, no matter how willing she was. He yanked at his cock like it was a wild thing he had to tame. He yanked until it hurt, and he kneaded his balls, feeling the surge at the base all ready to spill out onto the warm earth in front of Francie. It was the best he had to offer her right now, his humiliation, his need, his lust once removed.

She fell back onto the ground with a little cry, legs akimbo offering him an exquisite view of the tremors of her orgasm tightly stretched around the courgette. The view, combined with the ripe scent of her was more than he could endure, and he unloaded in heavy spurts onto the ground scant centimetres from her bare thigh. He unloaded till he thought he’d turn himself inside out, convulsing and grunting until he was spent, bent forward on his knees in the veg bed next to her, gasping and gulping for breath.

It was almost enough to give him the courage to ask Isabel for a divorce. He was sure he could almost do it after such erotic bliss, and what a lovely surprise it would be for Francie. But before he could verbalize that bliss, Bel’s voice rang out over the garden wall.


Jennifer Denys Asks Why is the Hero Always Handsome and Hunky?

One of the fabulous writers I met for the first time at Smut by the Sea was the very talented, very quirky Jennifer Denys. Her reading from Friendly Seduction had her audience gripped and in stitches. I couldn’t wait to have Jennifer on my site to share a bit of Friendly Seduction and tell us why the hero is always handsome and hunky. Jennifer, welcome!

Jennifer DenysIt’s one of the unspoken rules of erotic romance that the hero and heroine are good looking with great figures (and young as well!). In my book Friendly Seduction the hero, Matt (handsome, of course!) is a sci-fi writer who has been told to add more romance to his stories, so he enlists the help of a friend, Lissa, who reads lots of erotic romances. When he asks what the heroes are like in the stories, she states,

“Apart from tall, good-looking, and hunky?”

“You mean short, ugly, and fat guys don’t get written into stories,” Matt asks humorously.

“I haven’t read one erotic book yet where the hero is short, ugly, and fat.”

This is not only in books but films and TV as well. Think of Michael Douglas in ‘Romancing the Stone’ where little Danny de Vito was the bad guy. And ALL the men that the girls in ‘Charmed’ fell in love with – not a single ugly one amongst them. And don’t forget adverts too like the current advert in the UK for coca cola where a bevy of young women eye up a gorgeous half-naked man (or, if you are old enough to remember, the Levi jeans advert where the attractive guy takes off his jeans in a launderette).

I rest my case.

And why? Well, in essence we read these books/watch these programmes because we don’t want realism, we want fantasy. We put ourselves in the shoes of the characters and for a while we can forget we are middle aged, on a diet, with greying hair that needs a new dye (at least that describes me!). And who would want to fantasize that you fall in love with the short, ugly, fat one?!

Similarly the hero is often a member of royalty, nobility, a great warrior, leader, millionaire, CEO, or top of their profession – never the man who cleans out the sewer.

Lissa goes on to say,

“He never shows negative attributes like cruelty, laziness, picking his nose, having a hairy back, and so on. Those are reserved for the bad guys.”

Of course the sex in erotic romances is always fabulous and the hero always seems to lift the girl effortlessly. In the book, when Matt tries he stumbles!

“Okay, I can see there is no hope for the human race if women have such a high standard. We men won’t be able to supply it,” Matt declares forlornly.

So true. I have a writer friend, fairly new to writing, who is getting back into the dating game after her ex left her a year ago and she recently commented that she finds herself measuring her ‘dates’ against the heroes in her books. Bad thing to do! No-one will ever compete with our fantasy heroes.

These mythical men also have no problem getting the girl’s clothes off.

“Okay, where the hell is the clasp of your bra?” Matt gestured to her front.

Lissa burst out laughing.

He crossed his arms. “What is so funny?” This was very irritating, particularly as it had been going so well.

Calming down, she wiped her tears off her face. “Oh, that’s a good one. Has every girl you’ve been out with had a bra with a clasp at the front?” she asked.

Realizing his error, he flushed. “Ah. Sorry. All the women have front clasps in the books you gave me.”

God forbid that the heroine would wear a sports bra! And have you ever wondered why the female sub in BDSM stories doesn’t wear any underwear? Lissa tells Matt,

“There’s a very good reason why the woman is always told not to wear panties in any BDSM stories! It’s so the writer doesn’t have the problem of getting the heroine’s panties off.”

She continues,

“You could always use the line ‘her clothes fell away from her body’ where the characters have no problems undoing anything. Or even better, the old chestnut when the writer has the character suddenly noticing they are naked with no idea of how they got there. I always groan when they use that one.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want my number one reader to groan, so I’m going to fall back on a sci-fi classic convention of being able to press a button on the clothing and it all comes apart in one go.”

Needless to say, Lissa did groan at that point!

Along the same lines have you ever sat in disbelief when the guy manages to get the girl to where he needs her to be because she is too busy struggling, looking around her, or distracted by something?

When Lissa points this out Matt responds,

“I’ll just have to spend time describing her gorgeous body as she is tied there. I think the readers will forgive this slight transgression if I do that.”

Unfortunately this is true. If we are in the shoes of our heroine and the hunky hero is describing the heroine aka the reader, as having a stunning figure we will forgive anything.

Having tied the heroine up Matt tells Lissa the hero then whips her.

“Whipped her… Um, why?”

He looked at her, chagrined. “Well, it features in some of those books you gave me, and you mentioned punishment of some sort goes down well with female readers.”

Too true. Throw some BDSM into a story and you’ve got a winner. Bondage at the very least and a spanking.

But why does the reader enjoy this so much? A great deal has to be because you are reading from the comfort of your armchair, bed (or bath, depending on your favourite reading spot!). You can imagine the pain of being tied up and whipped, flogged, spanked, etc, without actually feeling it and therefore it becomes erotic. The heroine is, after all, usually naked. And don’t forget the hero doing this to you is very good looking and you are already lusting after him.

In ‘Friendly Seduction’ Lissa does more than just discuss erotic romances with Matt. The ‘seduction’ of the title is him pretending he needs help practising certain scenes in the book he is writing. Lissa, (she has had a crush on Matt for some time), is happy to help – particularly when she is delighted he named the heroine after her. At this point in the story he has removed her clothes and put a blindfold on.

“Of course, at this auction Felissa appears half-naked so the potential owners can view her delicious body.” “The men at this auction need more than her just being naked.”

“Yeah—sooo?” Lissa asked very cautiously.

Moving away from her to get something, he then returned standing behind her. She shivered in his arms as he plucked at a hardening nipple. He had to push her hands down as they
automatically came up to cover herself. “The auction staff put clamps on their slaves.”

This now begs the question, why do we find the idea of auctions so arousing? Or any situation where the heroine is kidnapped? These are termed the ‘forced seduction’ type stories. The alien abduction plot is a common theme to sci-fi erotic romance. The reader knows quite well that the heroine will always end up with the hero so it is perfectly ‘safe’.

And the idea that the gorgeous hero has kidnapped her to be his one and only true ‘mate’ as destined by some prophesy or instinct is thrilling. It appeals to our sense of having a soul mate somewhere out there who will find us (having not found a mate, soul or otherwise, reading about it is my only option so I am a sucker for the alien kidnap stories, particularly if the stories involve a race of beings who are desperate for women because of some catastrophe to their people).

Lissa sums it up nicely,

“And the aliens in those circumstances are always humanoid.” She laughed. “I’ve never come across a story yet where the girl falls in love with a ten-armed, purple, blobby-like monster.”

Quite often the woman is expected to be in a ménage relationship in this situation. Even better! The idea of having two (or more!) hunky heroes lusting after you, and only you, is enough to bring the reader to their knees (well, it does me!).

Naturally Matt included a ménage in his story as well as a kidnap, an auction and some BDSM.

“Here come your new owners. You wait with bated breath, listening with all your being to every sound.” He moved to her side so he could whisper in her ear. “Do they sound
heavy-footed? Do they sound heavy-breathing? Do they carry chains? The footsteps stop by her swinging body, and she gasps as one touches a breast, tugging on the chain.”

I’ve been dotting around the story to pull out extracts, but one thing I have always laughed at when watching sci-fi is that nobody hits the wrong button. Think about all the times you hit the wrong key on the keyboard and all your work gets wiped or you end up on a page you didn’t know existed and have no idea how to get back. What happens if you are hurtling through space at the time? You could end up on the other side of a black hole. Or your machine closes down suddenly, and there is no one in the sci-fi version of the IT department to come and help which is disastrous when you are in the middle of a fight with the Klingons and need the button to fire the phasers!!

Sorry, that was an aside, although Lissa does raise this at one point in the story.

But sticking with the future Matt tells her that the heroine,

“Doesn’t want to be taken because it will mean being sent back to her owner.”

Lissa turned in his arms, her face showing her astonishment. “Her owner! What sort of future is this?”

Grinning at her fierce expression, he quickly invented a story. “She put herself into servitude to pay off debts but then ran away from her cruel and ugly master who wants her back—hence the bounty hunter.”

“Okay, so she doesn’t want to be taken, then. Particularly if her owner is ugly,” she retorted with a mocking tone. “Therefore she’ll be screaming blue murder and continually struggling to get free.”

The great thing about writing a futuristic story is that you can make up whatever you like and have fun ‘world-building’! One of my plans is to actually write the sci-fi story that Matt and Lissa conceive whilst falling in love.

And so to finish this article with a quote from Matt,

“If I understand correctly, you—and every other female reader possibly—like reading about manly heroes with beautiful heroines.” He counted these off on his fingers. “The hero
has to be a leader of some sort and be dominant but caring, and there has to be some sort of conflict or misunderstanding, maybe even a kidnapping. If there is some BDSM involved, and even a ménage a trois, that would be even better.”

“That’s it in a nutshell.”

Jennifer Denys

Buy ‘Friendly Seduction’ here:


or Amazon.com


About Jennifer Denys:

Jennifer Denys writes erotic romance with Siren Publishing and Evernight Publishing. Her first Jennifer Denys 2book came out in 2011 and she has written another ten books since then (they are mostly novellas, although she is the first to admit the initial impetus has faded and it takes her longer to write these days!)

She flits from one sub-genre to another wherever the muse strikes. She has written a trilogy of romantic comedies, several BDSM stories, two in a sci-fi futuristic ménage series, and two paranormal menage books (one with a co-author which was a whole different experience!).

Her best seller is Submissive Training. She reckons it is down to the title, as she has had several communications from people asking if this is a good book to learn about BDSM. She has had to explain that this is just ‘fiction’ where the hero is always handsome and there is always a happily ever after!

If you want to know more about Jennifer’s work her blog/website is http://jennifer-denys.blogspot.com/

Review of Friendly Seduction from Coffee Time Romance :

I loved, loved, LOVED Friendly Seduction! At times I found myself sighing because of the pure pleasure Matt took in discovering Lissa’s body. Other times, Ms. Denys had me laughing so hard at the less-than-stellar sexy performances that the words seemed to be jumping around on my eBook Reader. Reading this book was such a pleasure and I enjoyed each erotic encounter, whether it was pure sexual or had the humorous scenarios that made me fall in love with this tale. I want to read more by this author and I can only hope that her other stories will grip me from the getgo


Surrogates is FREE in the UK! Sizzling Garden Porn Just in Time for Summer

surrogatesTis the season for …. You guessed it! Garden Porn! And what could possibly be better than a FREE smutty romp in a steamy garden! I’m very excited to announce that my petite novel, Surrogates, is now FREE on Amazon UK! Not yet on Amazon US, but hopefully VERY soon! Now’s your chance to appreciate a very hot UK summer with Francie, Simon and Dan as they have their voyeuristic, masturbatory, naughty, unusual threesome all around the gorgeous grounds and gardens of Dan’s palatial estate.

While I’m spending my time in the veg beds, you can curl up with a cool drink and a raunchy read as you find out why Francie has way more fun in her veg patch than even a picnic in the allotment will allow. It’s sex al fresco with lots of sexy, sizzling, twists and turns. To whet your appetite for a little filthy fun in the garden, here’s an excerpt along with links. US folks, I’m doing my best to see why the delay for you, but will shout it out loudly when Surrogates goes free for you too!


DANIEL ALEXANDER III takes his marriage vows seriously. Until he gets the balls to ask his wife, BEL, for a divorce, watching each other masturbate is all he can offer his beautiful gardener, FRANCIE CARTER. But when Dan’s friend, SIMON PARIS, agrees to be his surrogate, affairs of the heart get complicated.


Dan groaned. ‘It’s all such a mess. I wasn’t lying when I said Francie’s not my mistress. Well she’s not my mistress in a physical sense. I’m faithful to my wife. We, Francie and I, only ever masturbate together.’

Simon couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter, but the look Dan shot back stopped him mid-guffaw.

‘I know what you think, and I know how utterly ridiculous that sounds, but I swear to you it’s true. I’m crazy about the woman, but I pledged my trough to Bel.

‘You what?’

‘I made a promise, and I’ll not break it. I’ll stay faithful to Bel until I get the balls to ask her for a divorce. I’ll not be like my father was.’

Simon studied Dan for a minute as they walked. ‘And Francie’s OK with this.’

‘Of course she’s not OK with it. That’s the problem.’

‘Then, just ask Bel for a divorce,’ Simon said.

‘Oh I will, I will. It’s just now’s a difficult time. I’ve got so much on my mind. And Bel’s going through some difficult times too, and I just can’t do it right Villa d'este 2imagesnow. It wouldn’t be right.’ He chuckled softly and shot Simon a sideways glance. ‘Remember at Tivoli, when you caught me with Gabriella, and we asked you to join us.’

Simon smiled. ‘It’s like deja vu all over again, only you two weren’t exactly having a wank, as I recall. One of the regrets of my youth, not joining your little party. Had a few good wanks thinking about it though.’

It took Simon a second to realize Dan had stopped walking. He stood in knee high grass, his brow drawn tight in deep concentration.

‘Maybe this time we need to turn the tables.’ Dan stroked his chin thoughtfully. ‘You know, alter the equation just slightly.’

Dan began to walk again, slowly. ‘What if Francie and I invited you to join us?’


‘Only this time I’d be the one having a wank. Oh I’d be telling you what to do to her and all, or she’d be asking you, but think about it, Simon, how she must feel. She knows I still have sex with Bel. Granted, not very often, but I do my husbandly duty when she asks me.’

‘Your husbandly duty. Right.’

‘My point is that I get at least some sex because Bel is my wife, and I’m faithful to her. But poor Francie’s faithful to me. She doesn’t get anything but a wank, and she has to provide that for herself. I can’t even touch her, Simon, because I’m afraid once I do I won’t be able to stop myself. But if you, as my old and trusted friend, were to make love to her for me, you know be my surrogate, then Francie could get some satisfaction too, and maybe…’

‘You want me to fuck your mistress for you?’

Get Surrogates FREE Now

Amazon UK


“Full of quirky characters, kinky sex, unusual settings and clever writing, Surrogates is definitely an erotic romance novella I’d recommend if you’re looking for something a little different.” Erotica For All


“This was an exciting and sexy read at the turn of every page, with a storyline that was so original it was brilliant. If you want a fun, fast read with great character flow and connection and hot sex on almost every page this is for you.” Midnight Boudoir


“Surrogates is the perfect novel for any erotica reader out there… hot, sexy, sensual… it definitely defines erotica it in it’s own right. K.D Grace is one amazing author whose novels simply should be devoured!” A Redheads Guilty Reads

“There are plenty of hot hot sex scenes and a case of mistaken identity and misunderstandings. It is a fun and quick read. Overall, very well written. The characters come alive on the pages and they feel real. I recommend it to anyone who likes short, erotic tales and who aren’t put off by some f/f action and threesomes.” Hearts on Fire Reviews


“Surrogates is full of tongue in cheek comedy, and has just the right amount of erotica to fill readers minds with accounts of how both Daniel and Bel get their orgasms. This is a voyeur’s version of heaven.” 5 out of 5, Love Romance Passion



The Pet Shop: Free GIFT Again!

If you missed out the last time around, not to worry, because I’m very pleased to announce that Xcite are once again offering a free taste of my critically acclaimed novel, The Pet Shop! The first part of the limited edition Kindle  trilogy, The Gift is available FREE for the next five days on Amazon beginning Wednesday 20th March.  Xcite are very aware of just how addicting Pets can be, Part Two, The Secret Life of Pets, and Part Three, The Taming, are just £.77 each in the UK and $1.19 in the US. The only thing better than a naughty Pet of your very own is a FREE naughty Pet of your very own.  If you want your Pets in an all-at-once, rough and tumble, you can still get the whole package of lusty, kinky Pet fun with the original.

The Gift Blurb:

In appreciation for a job well done, Stella James’s boss sends her a Pet – a human Pet. The mysterious Tino arrives equipped with a collar a leash and an erection, and Stella quickly learns that keeping Pets, especially this one, is extremely addictive. Will a chance meeting with reclusive philanthropist, Vincent Evanston, who looks an awful lot like Tino, but couldn’t be more different, double Stella’s pleasure or just be double trouble?

About The Pet Shop

The Pet Shop is a modern retelling of Beauty and the Beast. In part, the theme of the story is our effort to understand the beast that lives within all of us, to tame it and make it acceptable to polite company. Of course in the taming of anything wild we run the risk of losing that wildness that compelled us to love it in the first place. The Pet Shop explores the effort to find a balance between the two.

I’ve always been fascinated with our animal nature, and I’ve often wondered how much of that nature is ancestral behaviours reasserting themselves and how much of it – especially from the standpoint of the human pet situation I’ve created in The Pet Shop, is simply a need to be loved and adored, and to be able to trust someone enough to give up control to them.

Beauty and the Beast and my retelling of it in The Pet Shop are both about seeing the true nature of a person, with all their flaws and neuroses, and loving them anyway. But ultimately the story is also about trusting enough to allow oneself to be loved, and believing that one is worthy of love, warts, blemishes and all.


‘I’m sorry, Tino,’ Stella shoved to her feet, tearing her gaze away from the gorgeously horny man sitting on the floor by her chair. ‘But I just can’t do this. If I had known what Anne – what Strigida – had planned for me, I would have never consented, surely Anne knew that. Anyway, I feel really bad that I’ve wasted your time, but this is just not something I can do.’

The pet only looked up at her with adoring and expectant eyes.

‘I’ll gladly give you taxi fare home, of course. I mean that’s the least I can do. None of this is your fault, after all. Anne told me that you were a gift, so I assume you’ve already been paid.’ She raced through the last sentence breathlessly, her face burning at the very thought that the company had paid for a prostitute for her.

Did they really think she was that desperate? And never mind how desperate she was, surely she had worked at Strigida long enough for them to realise this was not the gift for her. And she was bloody well certain Anne knew that. There would definitely be words when she returned from Bath. ‘Is that all right, if we do that? If we just call it even and I get you a cab home?’

Tino made no response. Instead, he rubbed his cheek affectionately against her leg and moved to sit back on his haunches, a position that made his erection look even more enormous, bulging heavily against his thigh. At the sight, her stomach muscles tensed low and tight and her pussy clenched and half convulsed.

‘I forgot,’ she looked down at the manual still gripped in one hand, ‘Pets don’t talk. But since I really don’t want a Pet, couldn’t you break the rules just this once?’

He brushed her leg again with his cheek, then with his lips, making delicious shivers run up her spine.

‘Guess not. OK. Well, I realise this is an awkward situation, Tino, and I’m really sorry about that. I know you’re expected to stay here. I appreciate your position. Really I do. I’m sure we’ll get through this if we work together.’ She nodded down the hall. ‘I have a guestroom. You’re welcome to sleep there. It’s small but comfortable.’ He followed her on silent feet, and looked on as she showed him the guestroom.

‘The closet’s there.’ She pointed. ‘Though I guess you won’t need that. Extra toiletries are on the dressing table there. Those you might need. And the remote for the telly, well it’s a little tetchy. Here let me show you.’ Suddenly she realised he wasn’t paying any attention. His gaze was locked on her – more specifically on her crotch. She blushed hard and forced a smile. ‘Never mind. I imagine you can figure it out if you decide you want to watch telly. Anyway, make yourself at home. Are you hungry? Can I get you something to drink?’

Again, he plopped down on the floor. This time he wrapped his arms around her leg and began to rub his cheek against her thigh.

‘Tino, really. I don’t think I can …’

He made little grunting sounds and shifted his hips forward and back. If anything, his erection seemed still bigger. She suddenly remembered the manual said the Pet Shop kept their Pets horny. Hadn’t Anne said he usually didn’t have to wait this long before he came?

She found herself blushing again at the sight of his heavy hard-on. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how … uncomfortable you must be. I know you’re not allowed to touch yourself unless your keeper gives you permission, and, well, since we can’t, since we’re not going to …’ She nodded to his cock. ‘It’s all right with me if you do what you need to do. You know, for some relief.’ She felt like her face would burst into flames.

For a long moment he looked up at her with his bottomless cinnamon eyes, as though he couldn’t quite comprehend what she wanted of him. Then, slowly, carefully, holding her gaze, he laid a hand against his cock and ran a curled palm up the length of it. A shudder ascended his spine. He threw back his head and released a trembling breath that ended in a deep animal groan at the back of his throat.

Almost before she realised it, she replied with a little whimper of her own that slipped between her lips. Her nipples pearled through the thin silk of her blouse, and her pussy felt slick and giddy. She closed her eyes only for a split second, but the next thing she knew, Tino was standing beside her, so close that her hand, resting low against her belly brushed his cock, and they both gasped at the feel of it. Before she could do more than marvel at the velvety softness that felt like it sheathed granite, he pushed in closer, and his large hand engulfed hers easing it gently against his cock with just enough pressure to encourage her fingers to wrap around the girth of him.

She should have stepped back, she should have commanded him to stay in the room and do what he needed to do and not come out until he was done. But she didn’t. Instead she curled her fingers around him and felt his hand tighten over hers. She expected him to hump like a dog, but he only stepped closer, engulfing her in a feral scent not unlike cat fur on a sunny day.

The shifting of his hips was almost invisible but for the tensing of the muscles low in his hard belly, tightening and lifting until his soft pubic curls just grazed the inside of her wrist. Instead of the blatant sexuality she expected, he simply laid his head on her shoulder, his warm breath raising the fine hair along the back of her neck. His heart hammered a heavy drumbeat that matched her own, and her nipples seemed to be pressing ever forward to get nearer to it.

His free arm encircled her, resting just above her hip, where his hand moved in a gentle caress up and down her ribs, almost tickling. The sensation of it all accumulated warm and heavy just below her belly. The heat of his lips rested close to the pulse of her neck. They were slightly parted, his breath coming in fast little puffs.

She knew she should be pushing him away, making him bend over for the spanking a misbehaving Pet deserved. She hadn’t asked him to touch her, and she hadn’t volunteered her services. ‘You’re a very naughty Pet, Tino.’ She barely managed to gasp before he tensed, and a strangled groan escaped his throat just as his cock twitched and she felt the silky slick heat of his come spill over both of their hands and against his bare belly. Then his whole body convulsed, and involuntarily he pulled her tight against him, an act which sent her into her own convulsions. She let out a startled cry. She hadn’t expected to come. She hadn’t intended to come, and yet there she stood quivering out her pleasure against the Pet, who held her in a powerful, sex-stimulated bear-hug.

From Amazon.com

The Gift

The Secret Life of Pets

The Taming

From Amazon.co.uk

The Gift

The Secret Life of Pets

The Taming



Kyoko Church’s Mad and Sexy Inspiration For Her Pleasure

version1Hello KD! Thank you once again for welcoming me to your blog today. A pleasure, as always.

Today I wanted to talk about a source of inspiration for my new book, For Her Pleasure.  Namely the TV show, Mad Men. If you like well written HBO (or I guess technically AMC) dramas this, in my opinion, is one of their best. It’s so well done, the plots are hugely engrossing, the characters are superbly flawed and beautifully three dimensional, I really can’t say enough about how much I love this series. Because of my travels and my intermittent access to pay channels, I’ve only just started season five so if you know what happens, don’t tell me!! But while I was just starting to write for HarperCollins Mischief Books, I was firmly entrenched in season four. And while very much lusting after Don Draper  – seriously,  don’t get me started, this post is not about that! – even this mostly heterosexual girl could not help but be seduced by the fiery sexuality that is Joan Holloway.

First of all, one only has to take a quick glimpse at actress Christina Hendricks to know that there is something amazingly sexual about her. I love that she is so voluptuous, buxom, bursting with sensuality. And the way they dress her on the show is perfection. They do everything to highlight all her curves and proportions in the sexiest way imaginable. I mean, I’m not a guy but even I cannot help but think…WOW! Just… wow.

Pair that with the personality they give her:  assured, haughty, unrelenting, take no prisoners. She always seems like she’s one step ahead, and Kyoko For her pleasureimagesgiggling about it too. She can cut anyone, man or woman, to the quick with just one glance. And speaking of glances, she can make a barbed comment and then look at the person, so innocently when they both know full well she knows exactly what she’s saying and just how accurate and close to the bone it is. And she does it all while appearing to be sympathizing with the person. It’s so bitchy! Awesomely, awesomely bitchy. Check this out, to have a small glimpse at what I mean. I was inspired, to say the least.

Here’s the thing. By and large, little girls are taught to “be nice.” I certainly was! And truth be told, I like being nice! Even teasing, however good natured, can sometimes make me really uncomfortable since, as everyone knows, what makes a good tease is always that there has to be some element of truth to it. So, generally speaking, in my day to day life I walk around enjoying being nice. Not to be too Pollyanna about it but I believe the old adage that what goes around comes around. Plus I think being a nice person is just an enjoyable way to live your life.


Something happened to me when I started to delve into the idea of Joan’s character being in a BDSM relationship. I started asking myself questions like, what if she were a Domme… what if she were with a man who got off on humiliation… what would their relationship look like? I felt a new voice creep inside me. One day, I sat down at my laptop and within ten minutes I wrote this email from my perspective Mistress to her perspective sub…

Kyoko ChurchFor Her PleasureFrom: Mistress

To: SubPaul

Subject: For Your Drive

Hi! This email is for your drive home. If you have opened it before then, stop, close this up. Open it back up when you are about to drive home. Put it away. Now.

Okay. Are you alone now? Good boy. Have you been thinking about me? Of course you have. You’re always thinking about me, aren’t you? I’ve taken up residence in that naughty little brain of yours.

I have to address the fact that your wife doesn’t go down on you. Have you wondered why I haven’t commented on that in our emails? Did you think I hadn’t noticed or maybe it wasn’t important to me? Oh no. No, no, no. I took very keen notice of that. I have thought about that. A LOT. Because here’s something you should know about me. I LOVE to suck cock. I fucking love it. The power. I really get off on the power of it. I know that if I had my lips and tongue anywhere near your cock right now I would have complete control over you. Total.

So, Mr. I-haven’t-had-a-blowjob-in-20-years, when I get my hands on you again I’m going to strip you down, sit you on a chair, cuff your hands behind your back and start licking. That spot. You know that spot? Oh yes, the one just under your head, that sensitive spot that you told me you couldn’t touch because it gets you there too quickly? Aw, poor baby. Too fucking bad. I like that spot. I would flick and tongue and kiss and suck that spot until you were a pleading, begging, weeping, sopping fucking mess. Don’t you dare cum in my face. I mean, Mistress loves cum, but I don’t want it yet. You fucking hold it back, slut.

Now. Put your phone away. Start your car. And think about this email the whole way home. Try subtly to get wifey to fuck you tonight. Report back to me in the morning.



I wrote that email in one fell swoop and – I’ve never tried hard core drugs before but – I imagine the rush I got from writing it might be akin to that sort of high. It was one of those moments you hear artists talk about when they create something that seems to come from outside of themselves and they think… Where the hell did that come from? I certainly had that feeling. I wrote it and thought… Who the fuck was that??

That email became the basis for a short story, Something Twisted This Way Comes, which appeared in Mischief’s My Secret Life anthology. One more short story later and I was certain I wasn’t done with these characters. I knew I wanted to devote a whole book to them. I was having so much fun being Mistress!

So that was the genesis of For Her Pleasure. I hope you’ve enjoyed hearing about it. I certainly enjoyed telling the story. And if you found it intriguing, I hope you’ll check out the book too!


Imagine an average guy with a wife, a job, average house, average car, average sex life… Well, not exactly. He has a secret he finds so embarrassing that he never talks to anyone about it. And then one day he meets her…

An architect chairs the newly formed Sexual Harassment in the Workplace Committee. When the consultant he hires to help him organize the new committee turns out to be a red haired bombshell, he tries to rein in his untoward thoughts.

But when she uncovers his embarrassing little secrets, this married man ends up in a relationship that’s so wrong on every level of his carefully put together life.

How long will he let his burning carnal desires threaten everything he’s worked so hard for?

Buy Links:


Amazon UK

Barnes and Noble

Google Play

Kobo Books

About Kyoko Church:

Kyoko Church discovered the power of the written erotic word when she was 16 years old and penned a very explicit missive to her boyfriend detailing all the naughty things she wanted to do to him. When he received it, boyfriend was impressed. When he found it, father was not.

For the next 18 years she hid her naughty thoughts in shame. Until she found a community where they were once again appreciated for the well-imagined smut they are. Her short stories have been published in anthologies by Black Lace, Rubicund Publishing and Xcite Books. Book One, Nymphomania, and Book Two, Sapphic Secrets, in her Draper Estate Trilogy were published by Xcite in 2012. For Her Pleasure was published by HarperCollins Mischief in February 2013.

A Canuck by birth, she has recently made Australia her home. She is currently learning to drive on the left and say G’day convincingly.

Find Kyoko here:

Website: kyokochurch.blogspot.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/kyoko.church

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kyokochurch

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/kyokochurch/





© 2018 K D Grace
The Romance Reviews

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