Last week I was lucky enough to have the fabulous Renee Denyer from Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium doing a very informative Q&A about blow jobs. This week she’s going to do a Q&A about going down. Welcome back, Renee! Let’s talk about eating at the Y.
Renee: It’s not unusual for women to climax only from oral sex, so get your best tongue-moves on, and get yourself down there! Enjoy the whole of the vulva, and let her know how much you are loving it!
Imagine the clit as a clock-face (or ‘clit-face’). Many women report that they are most sensitive at 10-11am or 1-2pm. This makes perfect sense; if a woman is touching herself, her hand is likely to sneak down slightly off-side. A common complaint is that men are too heavy-handed, so remember to go slowly and gently.
Scratchy stubble is not pleasant on soft labia lips, so a shave might be in order. A minty fresh breath can be sexy when gently blown over the clit, so brush your teeth or keep breath mints handy.
KD: What do you think is the most important thing the person going down needs to know about giving cunnilingus?
Renee: If you want to treat her to the full oral experience, hook two of your fingers into her G-spot once she is fully aroused. Remember to lube your fingers up so they are nice and slidey, even if you think she is ‘wet enough’. Lube is the single most effective sex toy, so you should always have a bottle by the bed. Stroking the G-spot with firm ‘come-hither’ motions can drive her absolutely wild! If she is game, stroking in or around her anus offers yet extra sensations. Or, even better, if you are both game, licking and kissing your way down to and around her anus can have your lady (s)creaming for more!
KD: What do you think is the number one thing women NEED to know about cunnilingus?
Renee: Many women feel insecure about how they smell, taste and look. Let’s get this out there: a pussy is beautiful whatever it’s size, shape or colour; a pussy smells and tastes wonderful – like you want to bury your face in it! A ‘just-washed’ pussy can be a little bit too squeaky clean (who wants a mouthful of soap??), so I’d say have a shower, then wear your knickers for an hour. That way your lucky lover will get the delicious scent of ‘you’, and trust me, this adds to their experience!
KD: Last week you gave us a brief anatomical tour of the penis. Could you give us a brief tour of the vulva today?
Renee: Oh sure – you need to understand the anatomy in order to give great head!
The Mons is the soft, padded spot on top of the pubic bone. It’s nice for arousal, and a hand cupping it can be very sexy indeed. The Labia Majora, or outer lips, protects the inner layers of the vulva, and are not to be ignored. Stroking, kissing and licking all go down rather well. The Labia Minora, or inner lips, are sensitive and adore attention. Kissing and licking your way in a V-shape between them and the outer lips is a good move.
The clit has 8000 nerve endings! So it by lavishing long, gentle ice cream licks or fast, focused flicks on it, your will be driving your woman wild. Wait until she is turned on though – attention on to a less-than-horny clit is just annoying and painful.
KD: What are the biggest fears, both women and men have that keep them from enjoying cunnilingus?
Men can be squeamish about the taste, but I’d say to put a dental dam over her vulva (with a dab of lube on her side, to enhance her experience) and lick through that. A dam is also a safer sex option, so good if you have several partners or one night stands.
Women worry about ‘taking too long’, but a true cunnilinguist knows that there is no such thing as ‘too long’! It’s an experience to be savoured by both parties.
KD: Any advice or tips?
Renee: My advice would be to find a position that works for you both. She needs to be able to relax (and tense her thighs if need be, many women bring on their orgasm this way), but the giver also needs to be comfortable. On average, a woman needs 20 minutes of continuous stimulation, so make sure you are in a comfortable position as breaking off because you have a crooked neck or jaw ache is a no-no. You could put a pillow under her hips to raise her up a little, or you could have her sitting on your face.
Another good tip is to use a dildo or a vibrator for her to clench her pc muscles around while you work your magic on pussy – women’s orgasms are often stronger if they have something to grab on to.
Lastly, despite porn often showing the complete opposite, women tend to go quieter just before their orgasm takes hold – she is concentrating, so whatever you do, don’t stop!
For those of you wanting to brush up on your tongue action, I recommend this book: