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Posts Tagged ‘celebrating sexuality’

Sh!’s Fabulous Renee Denyer Talks Spicing up Self Love

I’m very excited to have the fantastic Renee Denyer, Sh!’s totally awesome, award-winning manager, back for the 2nd week in a row! I know, I know! How lucky am I? How lucky are you lot? And if you’ve never been to Sh!, I highly recommend you pop in for a visit. You’ll be SO glad you did!

Today Renee is talking about something near and dear to my heart … and other bits … spicing up your self-love life. It’s ME TIME! Take it away, Renee! 

 

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So today we’re going to delve deeper into our moist grottos: we’re going to talk about self-love. Shebopping, twiddling the skittle – whatever you want to call it, masturbation should be high up on your to-do list. It should be right up there with, say, brushing teeth or spending time with great mates.

Not being in a couple doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fluff the muff regularly. It’s been scientifically proven that orgasms aren’t only fun, but also healthy. It sets you up for the day (and sends you into a lovely, deep sleep at night), puts colour on your cheeks and a twinkle in your eye. A bit like taking multivitamins – only more fun!

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut once you find something that works. We all do it, all the time. The same breakfast cereal, the same washing powder, some people even go to the same holiday destination year after year – why fix something if it ain’t broke? The same goes for sex, I find, especially masturbation. How often do you take the time to really enjoy your body and what it has to offer? If anything, it might be a quick shuffle before sleep and that’s it.

I was so excited when K D asked for my best tips on how to spice things up when playing solo, and I’ve had so much fun writing this piece. These are the sort of things I talk about at work every day, plus I like to practice what I preach…

Enjoy!

 

Top Tips for Spicing Up Muff-Shuffles

Hair Care – Coz You’re Worth It

Trying out different hair styles is an easy way to try something new. It doesn’t require too much effort and you might find it changes how you feel about your body in general and your snootch in particular.

If you usually prefer the au naturel look, defuzzing can be a lot of fun. Many women – myself included – say they feel more when the pussy is bare. It offers easy access, feels incredibly smooth and gives a good view if you fancy having a look in the mirror (we’ll come back to that).

There are several ways of creating a new look: shaving, creaming or waxing. A razor or some cream is easy to DIY, but waxing is best left to the professionals. Bear in mind, though, that asking for a “Hollywood” in a waxing salon will often mean you on all fours with your ass in the air and a stranger applying wax to very personal body parts. (Be generous when tipping!)

On the other hand, if you usually sport the balder look, try leaving the hair to grow for a few weeks and see what happens. Stroking and twiddling soft pubic hair can be both comforting and sexy, and you might find that the soft fur traps your natural scent better.

 

Love Your Labia

I meet so many women who have either no idea what their labia lips look like, or they feel their lovely lady lips are somehow “gross” and “ugly”.

We need to change that.

Slip off your knickers, grab a mirror and take a good look.  I promise your lips are beautiful. An unaroused vulva looks different from an aroused one. Colour and shape changes, this is perfectly normal. Pet your pussy and see what happens!

Hop on over to The Great Wall of Vagina – once you’ve finished reading this piece, obv. Artist Jamie McCartney plaster-casted a whopping 400 women’s vulvae and turned them into sculptures. His work gives you a great opportunity to study other women’s bits – and realize that yours are, in fact, magnificent!

A friend of mine likes to look at her honey pot as it orgasms; she says she enjoys watching it clench and twitch. Try it!

 

Clock face

 

Happy Hour

Imagine that your clitoris is a clock face (the clit-face), with 12 at the top and 6 at the bottom. Spending time working out which ‘time’ is most sensitive is a huge step towards banging orgasms. Personally I’m a 5 o’clock kinda girl (cocktail hour!), although many women report 10-11 or 1-2 as their Happy Hours.

Time spent tending to your ladygarden is time very well spent – you’ll find that a certain time on the clit face that brings on happy hour much easier.

 

 

The Wetter, The Better

Let’s get one thing straight: there can never be too much lube. The wetter, the better! Still, many people think women should produce enough natural juices to supply a small nation, and if she doesn’t, there must be something wrong with her plumbing… Not true. Several factors impacts on a woman’s ability to get wet: dehydration, tiredness, medication, hormones… I could go on.

Do your vagina the biggest favour and buy a sample kit of lubes, and work your way through each sachet until you find one you really like. And then buy the biggest bottle of that particular lube that you can find.

 

Pussitioning

The pussy is all about location, location, location.

Do you always masturbate whilst laying on your back, fantasizing about Tom Hardy? Try sitting up! Give Idris Elba a go!  

Do you do it on all fours? Try standing up!

In the bedroom? Break out; try the bathroom, the kitchen and maybe the landing too!

Shifting positions gives you a different perspective and you may find hot spots you didn’t know where there. It means you need to use different muscles, bend in different ways and learn new ways of getting off. Over time, this trick means you’ll be able to get off pretty much anywhere, anyhow – bonus!

 

Sex Toys, Vibrators & Other Fun Stuff

Working in a sex shop, I hear many different reason for why someone should/shouldn’t use sex toys. Some people think vibrators are for single people only (so not for couples), and others think that toys are for couples as singles “don’t have sex”. (Well, anyone who thinks that is way off the mark!)

Here’s what I think: everyone who wants a sex toy should have one. It really is that simple.

 

Solo sex is a great opportunity to work out likes and dislikes, getting to know your body and its desires. Explore, experiment and most of all, enjoy.

Wondering what s small vibe could do for your clit? Want to explore the juicy G-spot? Maybe you want to try a dual-style vibe like the rabbit? Or an anal toy! You can have all of those if you want – it’s your choice. Go outside your comfort zone, try something different. It might just blow your mind… *wink*

 

GOAL – Time for Vajubilation!

Actually no.

Let’s not be so goal oriented.

Great sex can be fast and furious, but it can also mean dribbling that ball a little, pass over to the other hand so it can show off its mad skillz… Work on your ‘edging’.

Edging is when you go as close to orgasm as you can – and then back off. Don’t tip yourself over that edge, however tempting. Building up and slowing down has benefits – when you eventually have let go, it’ll be a sweet, sweet release. The longer you build up – the stronger that orgasm will be.

And whilst we’re on the subject of “goals” – not having an orgasm is common for millions of women, and maybe you are one of them. Don’t bash yourself for it. Having an orgasm is a learned thing, and it takes time.

I once worked with a young woman who had never had an orgasm, and she asked me if that was “bad”. I answered that it wasn’t – but that maybe she should practice more. I suggested getting some lube and a rabbit vibrator, as they are the go-to vibe for women over the world. A few days later she arrived at with a huge smile on her face. She’d had her very first orgasm. 

 

About Renee:

Renée is the award-winning Senior Store Manager (ETO Awards 2014 & 2015) and sex educator at female-focused erotic boutique Sh!, where she also teaches educational classes for women & couples. She focuses on female sexuality and regularly presents at Café V, the support group for female survivors of sexual violence. Renée writes a regular column for Erotic Trade Only magazine and dreams of penning a bestselling sex guide one day.

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Erotic World Book Day! Join the Celebration & Make a Difference

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I’m very excited to be participating in the first ever Erotic World Book Day on the 5th of March, and I hope you’ll be joining in the fun for a good cause.

While celebrating the erotic literature we all love, Erotic World Book Day has a greater purpose —  to raise vital funds for sexual health and well-being organisation, Brook, the sexual health charity.So how did it come about?

World Book Day has long celebrated the way in which books can educate, entertain and open up new worlds to explore. That got us thinking: erotica can also educate and entertain. Erotic readers and writers are likely to support sex ed. Solid, evidence-based sex education is desperately needed and often woefully inadequate. So why not use March 5 as a chance to raise money for Brook? Well, it seemed obvious to us…

While EL James has certainly propelled erotica into the mainstream, there’s a lot more than 50 Shades of erotic writing out there to enjoy.

 

 

Featuring 22 erotic stories from authors across the globe, An Intimate Education spans a range of sexualities, genders and desires. The stories show the diversity of erotica, taking in romantic sex, kinky sex, paranormal sex and a lot more besides. All stories show that safe can be sexy.  Created to celebrate the first ever Erotic World Book Day (#EWBD), all profits from An Intimate Education will go to sexual health and well being charity, Brook.

Featuring 22 erotic stories from authors across the globe, An Intimate Education spans a range of sexualities, genders and desires. The stories show the diversity of erotica, taking in romantic sex, kinky sex, paranormal sex and a lot more besides. All stories show that safe can be sexy.
Created to celebrate the first ever Erotic World Book Day (#EWBD), all profits from An Intimate Education will go to sexual health and well being charity, Brook.

I got involved with Erotic World Book Day because I can’t imagine good literature without sex. Our sexuality can’t and should not be separated from who we are as creative, vital, dynamic beings. To be able to celebrate that very human, very vibrant part of who we are through literature is very exciting to me. To be able to couple that celebration with raising money for Brook to help make sure that young people have the tools to celebrate their own sexuality safely and well-informed makes is a win-win on all levels.”

In addition to raising money for sex education, Erotic World Book Day (#EWBD) aims to show the astounding range of desires that are catered to through erotica. From men in love to women in charge, first time fetish to loving passion, myriad themes are explored – and erotica can be so much more than a one handed read.

Erotic World Book Day originator, and sex writer, Emily Dubberley says, “The joy of reading erotica is that it allows you to explore worlds that you might not dare to in real life, and ‘try on’ new experiences for size. Conversely, writing erotica allows you to express – and sometimes hone – your desires, and share them with other people, should you so wish. And both can be incredibly educational.”

Erotic World Book Day has proved that ‘if you build it, they will come’: over 200 erotic authors, including many of the top names in the genre, have signed up for the event;. Award-winning sex writer and adult industry marketer Cara Sutra has persuaded

 

adult retailers and erotic publishers to provide over £1,000 worth of prizes for the Facebook party too.

So join Erotic World Book Day on 5 March https://www.facebook.com/events/880543642004967

We hope you find something that arouses your brain, stirs your loins and generally satisfies you. If not, ask us for recommendations for erotica that does match your desires on the night – because it is almost certainly out there, no matter how niche you may consider your fantasies to be.

And if you do take pleasure in this book, party or both, please show Brook your appreciation by sharing their donate link (attached) or giving them much needed funds. Knowledge is power. It’s important that we give young people power over their own sexuality. We are also asking people to change their FB profile picture/Twitter AVI to the attached ‘donate’ image in support of Brook, the sexual health charity.

For more information contact me at gryfonk@gmail.com or Emily Dubberley on emilyldubberley@gmail.com

Brook image10387678_10153121428097288_2352201305774877608_nErotic World Book Day is a collaborative effort, initiated by Emily Dubberley, founder of Cliterati.co.uk and Scarlet Magazine, and author of 28 non-fiction sex books and one erotic novel, Blue Mondays. Other key members of the group include award-winning sex writer Cara Sutra, Smut UK founders, Victoria and Kev Blisse, and erotic author Rebecca Black.

The Facebook Page for erotica fans is at https://www.facebook.com/eroticworldbookday

There is a separate group for erotic writers, all of whom are welcome to get involved in the Facebook Party by sharing their work, offering free extracts or downloads on the night https://www.facebook.com/eroticworldbookday

The Facebook party is at https://www.facebook.com/events/880543642004967

It takes place from 7pm-12am on March 5

 

Happy Masturbation Month

Sex toy incentiveMG00625-20140322-1049As a novelist, who writes erotic romance, May is always a red letter month on my calendar because it’s National Masturbation Month. Okay, I’ll be there first to admit that for me, every month is masturbation month,  and I’m always a bit surprised that anyone could be ashamed of such a powerful creative force.

I’ve shared this delicious tidbit about masturbation before, but as we all gear up for the rowdy, randy month of May, it’s always timely.

The ancient Egyptians believed masturbation was a creative act in its own right. In the Heliopolis creation myth, the god Amen rises from the primeval ocean, Nun, and masturbates the divine son and daughter into existence, and they populate the world. Even if I look at the Judeo/Christian myth in the first two chapters of Genesis, where God speaks the world into existence, I am still looking at a solo act.

Eric Francis on Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross’s Sex Information Online site writes, ‘Masturbation is the most elemental form of sexuality, requiring only awareness and a body.

Awareness and a body. Masturbating the world into existence. It happens all the time. At the risk of offering too much information, my understanding of sex, my deepest understanding of my own sexuality, comes from awareness and my own body. That’s what I have to work with. My understanding of writing, my deepest understanding of the creative forces in me also comes from awareness and my own self.

I’m astounded that in a world where solitude and the meditative tradition is a part of almost every religious discipline, we shy away from the very concepts that could have well given birth to it, awareness and Body. Can there really even BE awareness without a body? And how can we possibly understand the boundaries and the limits of either without the two rubbing up against each other. Our act of one-ness, our proto-sexuality, as Eric Francis calls it, I suggest is by its boundary-exploring nature, also our proto-creativity.

A Snippet from Fulfilling the Contract to honour  Masturbation Month

(Caution! Adult Content)

The damned alarm went off in the middle of the hottest fuck Nick had ever had. He came up out of the Fulfilling the Contractdream roaring like an angry bear and practically slapped the clock off the night stand in his efforts to shut it off. There was no going back to sleep, not with his heart hammering and his dick stretching out between his legs like it owned the place. Cursing between his teeth, he stumbled to the bathroom with only one eye half open. Not bothering with the stop at the commode for the piss he knew he couldn’t manage as hard as he was, he shoved his way into the shower and cranked the hot water. No cold showers this morning. He had every intention of giving this dream a good send-off. For a minute he leaned against the wall letting the jets from the shower massage work their magic. Then when he was nice and wet, he soaped up, still not bothering to open his eyes, still doing his best to capture the vivid images from his dream. Once his chest and armpits, lower back and ass were well lathered, he went to work where he needed it most. And when his pubes felt like they were mounded in thick whipped cream, he closed his fist around his well-sudsed hard-on and began to stroke, letting the dream flood full-on back into his head. It had all started on the top of the Humvee in the parking lot at the Mango. It was right there in broad daylight. He had Tanya Povic’s tropical print skirt shoved up over her ass, ploughing into her fast and furious while he kneaded her gorgeous tits like they were bread dough ready to bake. They were grunting and thrusting and shoving and she kept saying in that sexy Slavic accent, ‘Is good! Is so good! Fuck me harrderr, Nick Chase, I vant to come!’ And he was happy to oblige.

The parking lot was full of people with scopes and cameras, of all things, and they were all watching Nick mount Tanya on top of the Humvee. Some of the men had cocks out tugging and jerking like they’d lose control. The women either had hands in their panties or on their tits, which they were happy to expose to the desert sun. Some of the watchers were even humping each other while Tanya kept begging him to fuck her harder.

Elsa Crane had her keyboards and monitors and electronic surveillance equipment set up on the hood of his limo. She was all bent over with her leopard print loin cloth barely covering her magnificent ass. Then all of a sudden she turned to Nick and Tanya and said in a loud voice, ‘Tanya, you’re fired. Get off Nick and let me fuck him.’ Nick watched with his cock in his hand while Elsa gave Tanya’s tits a fondle and made her bend for a good pussy-probing, as though she might be trying to stash something in that tight little hole — like office supplies maybe. It was a dream, after all. As Elsa stroked and spread and examined Tanya’s cunt, Tanya turned her attention back to Nick’s hard-on, giving him a sucking that would have made his eyes cross if he hadn’t been so keenly focused on what Elsa was doing.

Finally Elsa gave the woman a hard smack on her pert little backside, and Tanya went in and out among the crowd offering to suck cock or lick pussy for anyone who would fulfil the remains of her contract so she could get her bonus. Then the next thing he knew, Elsa had her top off and her loin cloth hoiked, as she crawled right up onto the Humvee and mounted him in a seductive squat, her tight pussy sheathing him like a surgical glove. Then she grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up to nurse on her luscious tits, a task he was totally up for. People with their cameras and scopes moved up close and personal-like, to where he could even hear their heavy breathing, which was no small feat above his own. With Elsa Crane gripping and squeezing and rocking and riding, he was about to go off like a nuclear warhead. And then … Then the damned alarm clock went off instead of him.

The tug, tug, tug on his cock against the bounce of his lead-heavy balls was just about to get him there under the pulsing of the shower, though why it should be Elsa Crane who got his cock iron-stiff, he didn’t know. She was a hard ass, if ever there was one, and she’d all but laughed at him when he’d offered to fulfil Tanya’s contract. Tug, tug, tug. She probably did laugh when he turned and left. Jesus, it was insane what they were doing. Filthy insane. He thought about the ménage he’d viewed through the telescope. Tug, tug, tug. He thought about him standing in the desert jerking off from the experience, and it was Elsa Crane he’d been fucking in his fantasy. Jesus, what was it about that woman? Was it that avalanche of thick shiny hair? Those deep blue eyes? Was it the fact that the leopard print did little to disguise the fittest body he’d ever seen? Was it the slight gravel to her voice that he just wanted to rub up against? Tug, tug, tug.

But as the dream gave way to his fantasy, she wasn’t begging him to fuck her harder. She was hardly the begging type, was she? In his fantasy, she rode him like she was a jockey and he was her stud. She didn’t need to ask him anything. She took what she wanted, and he was happy that she took it from him. Suddenly the cameras and the scopes and the watchers were almost on top of them and it was enough. All of them watching Elsa Crane fuck him until his balls exploded – it was enough. He came in a convulsing, backbreaking ejaculation that belied how hard he’d come in the desert just a few hours ago. The cascade of steamy water from the shower washed the evidence of his lust down the drain.

 

An Interview with Chris Unity Bowness Part 2

Welcome back for the second half of my interview with the amazing Chris Unity Bowness. I had the pleasure of meeting Chris on FaceBook about six months ago, I think it was, and almost immediately I began to scheme getting him onto my site as a guest. After some long conversations and some planning and and talking about how we wanted to approach the interview, I’m very glad to welcome Chris to my site for the second part of our interview celebrating sexuality in relationship. Welcome back, Chris, and thanks for joining me!

KD: Recently I’ve begun a series on my blog called Passionate Partners, discussing how partners not only cope, but play a vital role in the careers of erotic writers, and I know from some of our discussions that your wife plays a very vital role in your work. Could you share just a little bit about that relationship?

Chris: From the very outset of our relationship Caroline was sex positive viewing sex, nudity and exploration as a natural ingrained part of life. Rather than it having to be scheduled, discussed and tiptoed around, the usual awkwardness was taken away with the warm, open and comfortable way our relationship and sex could be discussed.

Chris Bowness UnityThat laid down a very good foundation for our future to be built upon and has created an environment where no sexual debate is out of bounds, whether that be personally in our own relationship or being able to discuss the latest news stories, research or historical aspects of sex.

The way we like to put it is that many relationships have things in common whether it’s the arts, current affairs, religion, politics, celebrities, food. They find common interest and things to debate. Ours just happens to be sex. We are quite happy to start discussions with others too and accept that it might leave some uncomfortable. Having said that, there are a couple of subjects in that previous list that leave me squirming. We’re quite used to the dreaded silence but have learnt that more often than not somebody will be left feeling positive and it’s not uncommon to have them find us later to continue the discussion.

As a mentor I have someone with whom I am able to discuss openly all the subjects surrounding sex. I have someone with whom I can discuss, debate and test out theories. Sometimes those discussions are general, sometimes they may be a specific case. Of course it’s always done with confidentiality. We discuss ideas about what’s going on and ideas to help and support others. This gives me a fantastic environment not only to live in but work in.

Because we promote open two-way communication in relationships people know that Caroline can be just as informative and supportive as I am, so they often ask for her view or tell me to make sure I ask her for her view on the situation so they can get a male and female view of things. Our relationship is very much full-on. Not only do we play together but we also work hard together. We’ve always run our own businesses and been involved with each others. We play to our strengths and weaknesses. That means we have many years of experience dealing with every up and down that could positively and negatively affect relationships.

Finally, what our relationship does is to allow us to explore and experiment with our relationship and sexual pleasures. It allows us to have clear and open discussions about what works and what doesn’t work, or what was enjoyable about it. We are able to step out and look at things in view of what kind of people may enjoy it and why….even if we didn’t. All this hands-on experience puts me in the unique position of being able to pass on our experiences and research to help people not only get the best of their relationships but help them explore their pleasures.

“Nothing risqué, nothing gained.”

Alexander Woollcott

KD: If you could give only one piece of advice, something that you think would benefit everyone in their sexual journey, what would it be?

Chris Bowness Newsletter logoUnity.1

Chris: Communication…Communication…Communication

I know this may sound simple but I really believe a great part of what I want to do includes reminding people of the simple things, getting back to basics, because somehow with the modern busy complicated lives we lead it’s been forgotten.

There are many pieces of advice I could give for individual situations but, bottom line, good and bad they all come down to constant open communication. Whether you’re on day one of your relationship or ten years down the line, my advice is to keep talking and conversing openly and honestly not just about the good experiences, like experimenting and exploring, but also when problems do arise, rather than avoiding issues. People avoid discussing problems and issues that arise because they’re afraid it might break them up, when in reality it’s the anxiety and stress that avoiding the situation puts on a relationship that ultimately breaks a relationship down

It’s been my experience with the people I’ve helped that when you stop communicating with your partner your relationship goes into sort of suspended animation. All your views, ideas and thoughts about your partner or your relationship are based on old experiences. Many people I’ve worked with have ideas or make assumptions on conversations or mind sets formed before they stopped talking.

How often do you talk to your partner? And I mean really talk? …Beyond the bog standard good morning? How many times a day do you actively engage in conversation and really connect with each other?

Furthermore, mobiles and social networking gets a bad rep for breaking relationships up but they can be used for good. Even if you both have busy lives a short even slow lingering conversation and keeping in touch throughout the day can do wonders for your relationship. Taking time out of a lunch break to text or message a partner lets them know you’re thinking of them, and taking time to reply even if it’s later in the day can just help reaffirm that connection between you.

Keeping or rebuilding an open honest line of communication today can do wonders for your relationship. My advice…instead of that lunch time game of angry birds…text your fellow love bird instead.  You may just be surprised how that one message can be a step towards a happier relationship.

“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.” ― Marilyn Monroe

KD: Is any one thing you think could happen that would change, for the better, the landscape of how modern culture views sex?

Chris: Without a doubt better education and research.  What has shocked me throughout the years is the lack of options and courses available to people who want to study sex and relationships. It seems there are so many courses out there that pander to our basic needs such as art, food, religion, science, music. I mean you can even get a degree in The Beatles. However, there are no courses that cater purely to sex and relationships. Yes there are courses in which sex or an area of sex is a branch or element of core subject but not the main subject and considering what a massive part sex plays in all our lives it’s a shame.

Not only that, but I truly believe that in order to fully enjoy sex and be able to whole heartedly embrace relationships we must learn to appreciate our pasts. By that I don’t just mean our personal history but I mean an understanding of the evolution of relationships and sex over the ages. This can not only help us understand how we got here but also fully appreciate our futures.

KD: What do you think is the biggest detriment to healthy sexuality Westerners face?

Chris: There are two things that go hand in hand, I feel. They are fear and definition.

I believe fear of discussion, debate and communicating positively about sex comes from how Western society defines people by how, where, who and how many people they enjoy sex with.

I feel the media plays a big part in defining norms and classifying those outside the norms as deviants. This drives society’s idea of what is considered normal. Nobody’s relationship falls into the media’s idea of what’s normal and that only serves to stop people from enjoying sex and openly discussing it.

KD: What do you see as the most hopeful thing about sex in the age of internet and social media?

Chris: The internet and social media can be a force for good when it comes to sex positivity by offering more access to a whole range of people who live and work in sex related industries. Being able to have more connection to the people in those areas whether it be educators, therapists, bloggers, makers of sex toys or writers of erotica – like yourself makes sex and the discussions around it so much more approachable. Furthermore, it gives those with positive views and mindsets about sex the chance to meet other likeminded folk and a chance to talk and to realise that our views and consensual expressions of love and sex are natural; that there are others out there who feel and love the same. The internet and social media enable us not only to share these views openly but exchange ideas on how to improve or experiment with those activities to help improve pleasure.

bit.ly/BeUnity

 
© 2017 K D Grace
The Romance Reviews

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