I’m very excited to have the fantastic Renee Denyer, Sh!’s totally awesome, award-winning manager, back for the 2nd week in a row! I know, I know! How lucky am I? How lucky are you lot? And if you’ve never been to Sh!, I highly recommend you pop in for a visit. You’ll be SO glad you did!
Today Renee is talking about something near and dear to my heart … and other bits … spicing up your self-love life. It’s ME TIME! Take it away, Renee!
So today we’re going to delve deeper into our moist grottos: we’re going to talk about self-love. Shebopping, twiddling the skittle – whatever you want to call it, masturbation should be high up on your to-do list. It should be right up there with, say, brushing teeth or spending time with great mates.
Not being in a couple doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fluff the muff regularly. It’s been scientifically proven that orgasms aren’t only fun, but also healthy. It sets you up for the day (and sends you into a lovely, deep sleep at night), puts colour on your cheeks and a twinkle in your eye. A bit like taking multivitamins – only more fun!
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut once you find something that works. We all do it, all the time. The same breakfast cereal, the same washing powder, some people even go to the same holiday destination year after year – why fix something if it ain’t broke? The same goes for sex, I find, especially masturbation. How often do you take the time to really enjoy your body and what it has to offer? If anything, it might be a quick shuffle before sleep and that’s it.
I was so excited when K D asked for my best tips on how to spice things up when playing solo, and I’ve had so much fun writing this piece. These are the sort of things I talk about at work every day, plus I like to practice what I preach…
Top Tips for Spicing Up Muff-Shuffles
Hair Care – Coz You’re Worth It
Trying out different hair styles is an easy way to try something new. It doesn’t require too much effort and you might find it changes how you feel about your body in general and your snootch in particular.
If you usually prefer the au naturel look, defuzzing can be a lot of fun. Many women – myself included – say they feel more when the pussy is bare. It offers easy access, feels incredibly smooth and gives a good view if you fancy having a look in the mirror (we’ll come back to that).
There are several ways of creating a new look: shaving, creaming or waxing. A razor or some cream is easy to DIY, but waxing is best left to the professionals. Bear in mind, though, that asking for a “Hollywood” in a waxing salon will often mean you on all fours with your ass in the air and a stranger applying wax to very personal body parts. (Be generous when tipping!)
On the other hand, if you usually sport the balder look, try leaving the hair to grow for a few weeks and see what happens. Stroking and twiddling soft pubic hair can be both comforting and sexy, and you might find that the soft fur traps your natural scent better.
Love Your Labia
I meet so many women who have either no idea what their labia lips look like, or they feel their lovely lady lips are somehow “gross” and “ugly”.
We need to change that.
Slip off your knickers, grab a mirror and take a good look. I promise your lips are beautiful. An unaroused vulva looks different from an aroused one. Colour and shape changes, this is perfectly normal. Pet your pussy and see what happens!
Hop on over to The Great Wall of Vagina – once you’ve finished reading this piece, obv. Artist Jamie McCartney plaster-casted a whopping 400 women’s vulvae and turned them into sculptures. His work gives you a great opportunity to study other women’s bits – and realize that yours are, in fact, magnificent!
A friend of mine likes to look at her honey pot as it orgasms; she says she enjoys watching it clench and twitch. Try it!
Imagine that your clitoris is a clock face (the clit-face), with 12 at the top and 6 at the bottom. Spending time working out which ‘time’ is most sensitive is a huge step towards banging orgasms. Personally I’m a 5 o’clock kinda girl (cocktail hour!), although many women report 10-11 or 1-2 as their Happy Hours.
Time spent tending to your ladygarden is time very well spent – you’ll find that a certain time on the clit face that brings on happy hour much easier.
The Wetter, The Better
Let’s get one thing straight: there can never be too much lube. The wetter, the better! Still, many people think women should produce enough natural juices to supply a small nation, and if she doesn’t, there must be something wrong with her plumbing… Not true. Several factors impacts on a woman’s ability to get wet: dehydration, tiredness, medication, hormones… I could go on.
Do your vagina the biggest favour and buy a sample kit of lubes, and work your way through each sachet until you find one you really like. And then buy the biggest bottle of that particular lube that you can find.
The pussy is all about location, location, location.
Do you always masturbate whilst laying on your back, fantasizing about Tom Hardy? Try sitting up! Give Idris Elba a go!
Do you do it on all fours? Try standing up!
In the bedroom? Break out; try the bathroom, the kitchen and maybe the landing too!
Shifting positions gives you a different perspective and you may find hot spots you didn’t know where there. It means you need to use different muscles, bend in different ways and learn new ways of getting off. Over time, this trick means you’ll be able to get off pretty much anywhere, anyhow – bonus!
Sex Toys, Vibrators & Other Fun Stuff
Working in a sex shop, I hear many different reason for why someone should/shouldn’t use sex toys. Some people think vibrators are for single people only (so not for couples), and others think that toys are for couples as singles “don’t have sex”. (Well, anyone who thinks that is way off the mark!)
Here’s what I think: everyone who wants a sex toy should have one. It really is that simple.
Solo sex is a great opportunity to work out likes and dislikes, getting to know your body and its desires. Explore, experiment and most of all, enjoy.
Wondering what s small vibe could do for your clit? Want to explore the juicy G-spot? Maybe you want to try a dual-style vibe like the rabbit? Or an anal toy! You can have all of those if you want – it’s your choice. Go outside your comfort zone, try something different. It might just blow your mind… *wink*
GOAL – Time for Vajubilation!
Let’s not be so goal oriented.
Great sex can be fast and furious, but it can also mean dribbling that ball a little, pass over to the other hand so it can show off its mad skillz… Work on your ‘edging’.
Edging is when you go as close to orgasm as you can – and then back off. Don’t tip yourself over that edge, however tempting. Building up and slowing down has benefits – when you eventually have let go, it’ll be a sweet, sweet release. The longer you build up – the stronger that orgasm will be.
And whilst we’re on the subject of “goals” – not having an orgasm is common for millions of women, and maybe you are one of them. Don’t bash yourself for it. Having an orgasm is a learned thing, and it takes time.
I once worked with a young woman who had never had an orgasm, and she asked me if that was “bad”. I answered that it wasn’t – but that maybe she should practice more. I suggested getting some lube and a rabbit vibrator, as they are the go-to vibe for women over the world. A few days later she arrived at with a huge smile on her face. She’d had her very first orgasm.
Renée is the award-winning Senior Store Manager (ETO Awards 2014 & 2015) and sex educator at female-focused erotic boutique Sh!, where she also teaches educational classes for women & couples. She focuses on female sexuality and regularly presents at Café V, the support group for female survivors of sexual violence. Renée writes a regular column for Erotic Trade Only magazine and dreams of penning a bestselling sex guide one day.
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