Tag Archives: women’s sexuality

Educating KD

Blog, , , , , , , ,

Though it may sound like it, ‘Educating KD’ isn’t the title of my next novel or of a hot new short story. It’s just a good description of what happened to me yesterday evening at the Hoxton Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium.

Writing erotica is a constant sex education. I’m always learning something new, and I often find myself amazed at the many facets of human sexuality. A lot of my stories involve a bit of punishment for bad behaviour (or lack thereof), and that punishment is often a soundly applied spanking. Even people who might not want it as apart of their own bedroom play may still enjoy reading erotic stories that involve spanking. There’s something very primal about it, something as basic as trusting the person with the power, or even abdicating that power willingly, which makes it an excellent topic for sexy stories. All manner of wild and forbidden things can happen when someone else is wielding the riding crop.

I arrived a little before the 6:30 start time to have a warm cuppa, dry out from the rain, and look around at all the fun toys and gifts and the great selection of erotic books. When it was time, the manager, Joanna, and her new assistant manager, Ludi, ushered me downstairs where all the classes are taught. Downstairs is also where the famous pink velvet settee is. That’s where writers get to sit and read sexy stories when Sh! has book readings. But this wasn’t a setee sort of evening. A table was laid in the centre of the room with a full array of spanking impliments, all in pretty girlie colours, along with some smart black PVC and leather thrown in for fun.

As I sipped pink fizz, the Sh! Chix demonstrated the use of spankers, floggers, two-tails, crops, cat-o-nine-tails, and the age-old favourite — the human hand. There was a lovely bull-whip, but lack of space and expertise (definitely a don’t-try-this-at-home sort of toy) meant I was only allowed to fondle it. I’m told that often some of the larger whips and floggers are used more for the impressive explosive cracking sound they make when striking a pillow or a bed, or a pink setee. I was impressed! They can also be used simply to stroke, tease, and caress.

Joanna tells me that spanking releases tension, and the release of that tension can often come in the form of crying or laughing, then the body responds with a flood of endorphins, probably the real reason why spanking is so popular.

By the end of the evening I’d had a chance to flog and be flogged, spank and be spanked, and I felt like I had a much better understanding of the anatomy of a spanking. Since this was introductory spanking through the comfy padding of my jeans, I didn’t experience the endorphin rush, but I got something better. I got to go upstairs and shop afterward!

Fantasies

Blog, , , , , , , ,

Grab a scrap of paper and a pen and write down very briefly and generally your top ten erotic fantasies.

Have you done it?

Good. Now let’s compare.

According to AskMen.com, women’s top ten fantasies are just as raunchy as men’s. No surprise there. I’ve always maintained that we women have much dirtier minds than men do. Unfortunately, we’ve been socialized on a huge diet of guilt and self-doubt where sex is concerned. The good news is we’re doing our best, in spite of the opposition, to overcome.

Most of the top shelf erotica now in main stream book stores, as well as online, is erotica written for, and by women, and a lot of it blends great story-telling with blow-your-hair-back, burst-into-flame, nuclear sex. If you want the skinny on what goes on in our very dirty minds, women’s erotica is the place to look, and what a fun place it is!

So here it is. According the AskMen, the list of fantasies in reverse order are: dominating and being dominated, teacher/student, sex with a stranger, threesomes – MFM, FMF, voyeurism, force fantasies, exhibitionism, private dancer.

There they are, ladies, our faves. How accurate is the list? I can only speak for myself, but based on the women’s erotica I’ve read, and written, I was surprised to find being a private dancer at the top of the list. I was equally surprised that girl-on-girl wasn’t on the list. I would have also expected to find spanking and punishment in the mix, although I’m sure most of us can slot those in nicely in the teacher/student category, or dominating and being dominated.

Most of the fantasies on Ask Men’s list (and a fair few not on the list) I have written about in my short fiction and in The Initiation of Ms Holly. I’m not sure how Ask Men came up with their list, but based on the women’s erotica I’ve read and written, my list would have been similar. How about yours?

IN OTHER NEWS: A big BOOOO goes out to Facebook this week for deleting the 3,000 + member sex-positive women’s empowerment group, “Our Porn, Ourselves” founded by Violet Blue. Sadly, the above-mentioned opposition we women are constantly battling is alive and well.

Taking back our sexuality and owning and understanding it is an ongoing battle, one in which, unfortunately, we women are often our own worst enemies. Asertions aren’t facts, and zeal is no substitute for truth. Thanks, Suzanne Forbes and Carnal Nation for reminding us.

Twice the Sh!, Twice the pleasure!

Blog, News, , , , , , ,

Too much of a good thing is even better! Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium is opening a new shop in London on Portabello Road! If one shop was great, two will be amazing! The big launch celebration is 22nd July. Not only do I get to be there, but I get to read from my soon to be released novel, The Initiation of Ms Holly. I’ll be joined by Kay Jaybee, Scarlet French and Jacqueline Applebee These three fab writers will also be sharing their steamy stories and titillating tales. Congratulations Sh! We can’t wait!

The Double Standard is alive and well

Blog, , , , , , , , ,

I was lucky enough to meet Zoe Margolis a few months ago. Zoe, aka Abby Lee, was famously outed for her popular anonymous blog, Girl with a One Track Mind. When I met her, she was doing a book reading at Sh! Women’s Shop in Hoxton promoting her new book, Girl with a One Track Mind Exposed. At the time she talked briefly about her shock and anger at being called a hooker in the headline of an article that ran in the Independent on Sunday, so I was very happy to read in Saturday’s Guardian that she had won libel damages. No one doubted that she would. The headline of the article was not only defamitory, but it was also wrong. The Inedpendent has since apologized and settled out of court.

As I read the article, I couldn’t help thinking about the big news a couple of months ago when Peter Biskind’s book, Star, How Warren Beatty seduced America, revealed that Beatty had supposedly slept with 12,775 women — give or take.

No one — even mistakenly — called Beatty a hooker. In fact the very idea is ludicrous. Men, especially handsome powerful ones, build reputations on their sexual prowess. Other men admire them, and women long to be the next notch on the bed post. Even though Beatty was referred to as a serial philanderer in one of the many newspaper articles, somehow that just doesn’t have the same impact as being called a hooker.

Seldom does a woman get admired for her sexual prowess, nor does she have to sleep with anywhere near 12,775 men before she gets labeled a whore. I’m in no way denegrating sex workers. I’m simply saying that the old double standard is alive and well, no matter how sophisticated we think we may be.

I doubt if there’s a woman writer of erotic fiction anywhere who doesn’t empathize with Zoe. Every time I publish a new story, every time I write a blog entry, there’s a frisson of fear, a small knot in my stomach, when I consider the risk. The truth is, the prudism and puritanism that’s a part of the culture we all grow up in still causes me to doubt myself, and even though I know better, causes me to fear what other people might think or say. And certainly not without cause. When women are open about sex, we run the risk of being labeled slut, whore, hooker. We run the risk that those who still think sex should be the property of the patriarchy, the church and state, will see us as fair game for verbal and emotional abuse (or worse) because we’ve chosen to celebrate our sexuality rather than repress it.

Zoe Margolis is one of my heros. She’s courageous, outspoken, and she’s making a difference for all of us who believe in the celebration of sexuality. And the world could certainly use a little more cause to celebrate.

Celebrate America’s Sexuality Day

Blog, News, , ,

Happy Sexuality Day, America! And since it’s always a great idea to celebrate our sexuality, I’m inviting everyone – no matter where they live – to celebrate Sexuality Day. For those of you who don’t know, and I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t, there’s a reason why America’s Sexuality Day is March 3. It’s the historic anniversary of The Comstock Act of 1873 – a congressional act authorizing national censorship laws against sexual free speech. This piece of legislation was the brain child of a man who bragged about being responsible for 4,000 arrests and 15 suicides, Anthony Comstock.

As I read a bit of his history in Wikipedia, I was saddened to think that if he were around today, there are plenty of places where he’d fit right in, and his ideas and attitudes would be welcomed with open arms.

It’s easy to take for granted the openness of the times in which we live. As I write this, I am surrounded by books and magazines (never mind the internet) for which Mr. Comstock would have happily had me jailed. I write things every day for which I would have been jailed. And I do it without any risk to myself. Even in today’s world – maybe especially in today’s world, that’s no small thing.

To be able to celebrate our sexuality – in all its diversity — should be one of our most basic human rights. So I encourage you to join in the celebration, wherever you are. Remember, we forget the Comstocks of the world at our own peril.