Who the Hell is Mr. Perfect?

Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist, so it’s time to face cold reality and settle for Mr. Good Enough. This is Lori Gottlieb’s advice in Saturday’s Guardian to single women. ALL of whom, she assures us, are secretly desperate to get married and start popping out sprogs. She’s so convinced of this that she has written a book about it.

Everyone wants an alpha male. Alpha males have good genes. It’s biology. Not enough alpha males to go around? Never mind. If it’s just sperm and child support poor lonely singletons are looking for, why wouldn’t Mr. Mediocre-but-stable-making-good money be Mr. Just-as-good-as-anyone-else?

And since we’re being brutally honest, why the hell would Mr. Perfect be slumming for Gottlieb’s pathetic and shallow version of the single woman in the first place? One really has to wonder who actually is settling for whom?

Being reduced to our biological imperatives leaves little room for imagination, for creativity, for passion, or even just for fun. We simply settle, then we get on with it. It’s possible that being lonely is worse than being bored, but it’s very unlikely that settling for one will cure the other.

2 thoughts on “Who the Hell is Mr. Perfect?

  1. I love your feisty attitude and your clear reasoning, K D. I was single for decades before meeting the love of my life at age 57. I rejected all urges to "settle," realizing quite early that being alone and in own company was preferable to being partnered with someone who made me wish I were alone! I know I would have missed my Great Love if I had been willing to settle for "good enough, maybe, if I'm desperate enough." Thanks for speaking out!

    Joan Price

    Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty

    Join us — we're talking about ageless sexuality at

  2. Oh, I just realized (reading the right-hand column), that YOU are the author of "Vegging" — I loved that story! It was one of my favorites in Best Women's Erotica!

    – Joan

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