I’ve always felt like spanking is a gateway to kink, and with the Fifty Shades of Grey craze, more and more people are interested in that gateway. With that in mind, I’ve asked the Sh!’s lovely manager, Renee Denyer, to talk a bit about spanking and why it’s such an appealing part of kinky bedroom fun. Welcome Renee!
KD: Renee, why do you think people are drawn to spanking in sex?
RENEE: Spanking is a bit naughty, and it feels good. The person doing the spanking (the Top) gets to feel dominant and sexy, and the person on the receiving end (the Bottom) gets to feel GREAT. A good spanking ensures that the brain releases rushes of endorphins, the body’s natural pain killers. This feels amazing and can be a bit addictive!
KD: What would you say are the top four rules to remember when including spanking in sex play?
RENEE: As the top, you are responsible for the wellbeing of your bottom. Always agree on a safeword before a scene (play) starts. Some people use two, actually. One that means ‘ease up a bit’ and one that means ‘STOP NOW’. A safeword must be something that you wouldn’t normally use during sex, like ‘celery.’ This avoids any confusion. Honour safewords absolutely.
I. Choose your implement/s wisely. Does your partner object to marks? If so, long, narrow instruments are out. Does your partner want pain or just pleasure? Spanking doesn’t have to be about pain; it could be just a cheeky li’l threat of possibilities.
II. Spank only safe areas of the body like buttocks, thighs and top of arms. Practice your aim on pillows so you’re sure you’re aim is spot-on. Also, always test the implement on the inside of your arm, or on your thigh, so you know what you’re dishing out!
III. Take your time. Pain threshold rises in correlation with arousal, so the more turned on your bottom is, the more he/she can take!
IV. Responsibly close the scene when you think the bottom has had enough. End your play by lavishing loving aftercare on your partner.
RENEE: Oh God, yes! Sales of ball gags are up by a massive 400%! Sales of spanking equipment and luv-balls have increased too. It seems everyone’s at it! 50 Shades has been amazing for sales. Couples are opening up to each other, talking about fantasies and what they’d like to try. It’s great
KD: Other than the good old human hand, what do you find to be the most popular spanking tool?
RENEE: You can use pretty much anything that’s a good shape and size, like a wooden spoon or a plastic ruler. Of course, I’m a huge fan of fancy whips and paddles, but you don’t really need to buy anything to get started. You probably have something useful lying around at home, like a big, flat hairbrush!
KD: If I were a newbie coming into Sh! with my partner, wanting to learn more about how to include spanking in our sex life, what would you tell us?
RENEE: I’d say that the two of you need to have a conversation about do’s and don’ts. Power play can bring up buried feelings in a person that may have suffered abused in the past, so it’s really important to negotiate no-go-areas, such as verbal abuse, before play starts.
I always recommend starting off by getting the bottom to grade each blow from 1 (way too soft) to 10 (way too hard). That way you’ll know when to amp it up or slow it down. Personally, I would very rarely go above an 8; that way I ensure my bottom has a great time and feels a little bit stretched in what he/she is able to take without pushing it too far.
KD: In what ways, if any, do you think spanking can enhance couples’ sex life?
RENEE: It offers release, and you can do a bit of play acting if you want. You might want to be a sexy dominatrix for an hour or two, or your partner may want to be a strict housemaster who needs to discipline a naughty student. Pretending to be other people (for a short while, anyway) can really spice things up in the bedroom.
KD: I’m very curious; which spanking implements are your most popular, and do you have a favourite?
RENEE: The hand crop makes a great sound when slapped against bare skin, and is so easy to handle; it’s perfect for newbies:
The heart-shaped paddle is probably our most sensual product (comes in leather or luxury suede). You paddle the bum with the leather (or suede) side, then turn the paddle over and ‘stoke it better’ with the faux fur on the other side… Deliciously exquisite pleasure!
I have two favourites; the cute paddle with a row of pink hearts and the two-tailed whip.
The two-tailed leather whip can be used really sensually and softly, or hard and fast for a powerful whack!
KD: I’ve been to a couple of Sh! spanking classes. Suffice to say I had so much fun that one was just not enough. And I was wondering if you could, in a few sentences, talk my readers through what they could expect, besides a nice glass of fizz, in a typical spanking class.
RENEE: There’d be a Sh! Girl ‘Top’ (like me) and a Sh! Girl who doesn’t mind getting spanked at work *wink*. We’ll talk about safety, we’ll look at various implements and how to use them, and we’ll do a demonstration. Guests can join in if they want. They usually do! But it’s perfectly ok to just watch.
All our classes are fully dressed, so you needn’t worry about having to bare your bum!
Link to classes:
KD: Thanks for stopping by, Renee! It’s always a pleasure to have you on A Hopeful Romantic.