I recently received an email from a reader who enjoyed Sweetest Salvation – then took me to task for making her “bawl like a gosh darn baby”. I truly am sorry, Pattie! LOL
While I’m thrilled the book evoked so much emotion in her, she asked 2 very tough questions, which caused me to journey back eleven years.
Her questions were –
- How did you know the right pitfalls, despair and grief of loss to write about?
- If any of the emotion was your own, how did you overcome your loss?
She and I talked for a couple days off and on, but I’ll give summations of my responses.
As many have now discovered, the dedication in the book is for the “real Andy”. Her story was hard to write and I remember watching her when she lost her son and husband. As her friend, it was hard to feel so helpless in helping her years ago and in writing Sweetest Salvation, it gave me some healing along with her.
However, I did foster some of the emotions of loss from personal experience as well. I understand all too well how hard it is to “return to the living” after great loss. In the last eleven years, I lost – my paternal grandfather to prostate cancer, my brother nine months after that in a house fire, my maternal Grandmother to lung cancer, then my father six weeks after my Grandmother to a burst aneurysm and my paternal grandmother two years after that. I still say she died of a broken heart, unable to truly get over losing the love of her life.
To watch my father cry the first time when my Gramps died nearly broke my heart. I’d never seen my dad shed a tear before. Then nine months later, to watch both of my parents stand in a cemetery burying their own son … *deep breath* Very unfair. Children are supposed to say an eternal goodbye to their parents, not the other way around. And my father’s death, the hardest of all, led me down a path of anger, uncertainty and I had a really hard time understanding why I was suffering such losses in my life. I took a hiatus from writing for about four years after his death. Truthfully, there was day to day living, caring for my children and all my focus was on them and taking care of my Mom and the cattle business my Dad had run for decades. And both my Grams…tough old birds who I treasured, and learned to be strong from. *g*
Losing them all was so hard on me, as well as my family. There are still days I have to wonder about the “whys” of all the loss in my life. Deep down I do understand that it’s a Circle of Life and we’re only put on Earth for a certain length of time. So while writing Sweetest Salvation, some of Andy’s pain and despair came from what my dear friend went through but a bit of my own suffering tied in with her. I honestly don’t know if I could have written SS without the losses in my life. Until my paternal Grandfather passed away, I hadn’t been to a funeral in my life.
But in the end, if writing SS brings someone else some peace of mind and understanding, then I’m pleased with that. I was able to heal a bit more while writing it and I’m hoping those who read it accept it for what it is … a journey of learning to live again.
Contemporary Erotic Romance/Light Bondage
Content Warning: Contains Voyeurism, Spanking, Multiple Partners
*An Evernight Publishing Editor’s Pick*
Excerpt © Kacey Hammell, 2013
“Mr. Sullivan is waiting for you. He said you’d know where to go.” He smiled and winked.
Cheeks on fire, she gave him a small nod and walked ahead. She moved into the bar area and looked around. The place was packed tonight.
There were a few people she recognized, but most were new faces. Hunter’s business was certainly thriving.
Bridget caught sight of her and waved. Andy did the same and turned to the left, down the hall that would take her to room fourteen and Hunter.
Movement caught the corner of her eye, and she looked to her right. At a table in the far corner, Paige and Nolan sat with another couple. She missed a step, but gained her balance again. She hadn’t thought about seeing them again. Paige waved and her husband smiled bright.
The couple’s kindness and understanding arced across the room. Andy smiled and waved back. They’d been there for her the other night. She’d be forever grateful for it.
Reaching the room, she took a deep breath and knocked. Hearing Hunter’s gruff, “Come in,” she turned the knob.
The room, similar to the one she’d used the other night, had a warmer feel to it. The fireplace ablaze, the heat of it welcomed her.
Andy’s gaze swept the room. Furnished with a full living room set, she loved the royal purple and black colors of the furniture and curtains than anything else. This room conveyed privacy and self-indulgence. Her heart rate increased just thinking of all that might have been done in this room.
It was made for sex. Especially with a glass display case that took up the most of wall. Inside were dildos, anal plugs, collars, floggers, cock rings and more toys of pleasure.
Andy’s gaze landed on Hunter where he sat in the center of the couch, arms stretched over the back of it.
Her gaze narrowed on his and she shut the door behind her. “Don’t you sweetheart me, Hunter. And get that look off your face.”
“That self-righteous look. I might be here, but not for the reasons you think.”
“Then why are you here?” he questioned, his gaze unwavering.
“I wanted to tell you in person that your idea isn’t going to happen. We’ve been… friends too long. You’re Patrick’s best friend. It’s all kinds of wrong.”
He leaned forward, arms resting on his powerful thighs.
His red t-shirt molded his shoulders and the cuffs of the arms looked snug around his biceps. Damn him for being in such great shape.
She shivered, nipples tightening. She needed to get away from him.
“There, I’ve said all I have to say. Goodbye,” she muttered, and turned back toward the door.
Hunter was quickly behind her, arms encasing her as his palms pressed against the door and preventing her retreat.
His breath was warm against her ear. Andy wished she’d left her hair down. At least she wouldn’t be able to feel his breath on her neck.
A shudder ran through her. “Let me out, Hunter. I need to leave.”
“Why? You were so desperate to remain a member and be here the other night. I’m simply offering a safer solution. Me instead of strangers,” he rasped against her ear.
“I don’t have to worry about much with strangers. At least they aren’t people I have to see after the sex is over.”
Hunter pressed in closer behind her, which pushed her farther against the door. She’d always been claustrophobic. And right now, being caged in by this man, made it even harder to breathe than if she was locked in a closet. His chest was firm against her, his mouth against her ear, and his hoarse voice soft.
Her thighs rubbed together and her clit chafed against her thong. The string along her ass was snug. All she had to do was turn around and take what he offered. She wanted a cock inside her.
Dear lord, this was Hunter.
Could she step over the invisible line and take what he offered?
He was attractive, always had been to her. Hell, she’d only been married, not dead. She appreciated a gorgeous man when she saw him.
Hunter always treated with her respect and friendship. She didn’t know how much he dated but had heard women at the club mention his prowess in the bedroom. He could probably give her everything she needed. There would be a sense of safety with him at least.
And her body’s reaction to him today, while surprising, knew what it wanted. While she was sure it was a bad idea for them to journey down this path, she was overwhelmed by the sudden realization that not just any cock would do.
She wanted Hunter. Wanted only him inside her.
Her breath hitched and her lungs filled, making it hard to breathe. No, she didn`t have the courage to give into this man.
She needed to get out of this room and away from him. Grabbing the doorknob once more, Andy yanked.
Hunter’s palms never moved from the door, but in her hasty movements, his chest aligned tighter against her back.
Pressed against the door, she turned her head, her right cheek resting on it as her breasts pushed against her bra. The hard surface scraped against her clothing, which abraded her nipples. The urge to purr and rub against the wood was overwhelming.
Hunter’s body pressed against her; the cock cradling her ass told her that he was just as affected as she. His length was hard, solid. His hips dipped and shoved against the crack of her ass.
“Andy,” he whispered in her ear.
She closed her eyes, willed herself to push back against him until he let her go.
Her eyes opened when she realized her hips moved against his. Her pussy quivered and her stomach clenched. There was no sense in fighting a losing battle. She wanted him.
After the deaths of her husband and child, tragedies that she blames herself for, Andrea “Andy” Sheaver has shut herself off from the world. The only place she finds any relief from her shattered heart is Club Splendor, where she and her husband often frequented together. There, Andy submits to pleasure and pain in situations so her grief is forgotten for a little while.
But Hunter Sullivan won’t stand idly by and watch Andy self-destruct. A friend of her husband, and the owner of Club Splendor, Hunter has kept his love for Andy hidden for years. He refuses to think of her at the club, cold and detached as she’s become, looking for an easy fix to take away the pain in her heart. Hunter wants her to vibrant in life again and sets out to prove he is exactly who she needs.
Canadian author, Kacey Hammell is a multi-published erotic romance author who writes mainly in the Contemporary Erotic/Romantic Suspense genres. She is a true romantic at heart.
Where to find Kacey…