Category Archives: Interviews

The Delish Delores Deluxe Talks Body Confidence

KD: Welcome, Delores! It’s such a treat to have you back on A Hopeful Romantic, and discussing    such an exciting topic. Could you tell us what inspired you to begin a course on Body Confidence.

Delores Deluxe body confidencemini DDDD: I have been working on the cabaret and burlesque scene for nearly 10 years and have been teaching burlesque for about 5 years. I found during the regular burlesque classes that a lot of women felt unhappy or uncomfortable with their bodies and would often want to chat about this as part of the class. I felt that they were almost looking for permission to be open about their insecurities. I decided then I would create a new class with a focus on this and encouraging positive body image.

I’ve been sitting on this class for quite a while and haven’t really had time to follow it up but a change in my career situation recently has meant I’m now able to put all my energy into it, which is really exciting and challenging.

KD: What do you see as the main cause for women’s over-all lack of body confidence?

DD: I think there are many causes – I’m sure that many people have long-term deep-seated issues with their bodies that a couple of hours in a workshop won’t be able to address – I am not a psychologist! On a more general level, I do think the media has set a very unrealistic ‘body ideal’ for most women with their airbrushed and enhanced images on every magazine.

While I can understand that fashion magazines do, and have done this for years, my real issue is with the newer celebrity magazines where we see women berated on the front cover for having lost or gained weight, wearing unflattering clothes or nipping out without make-up. This sets a really dangerous example and puts enormous pressure on all women, particularly younger girls who feel they have to look a certain way to be accepted.

KD: Do you think women’s attitudes toward their bodies are getting better or worse with all of the interconnectedness of the internet and social media?

DD: I think the internet can have a positive influence in that it encourages discussion and can offer a wonderful support network, however,  it does give EVERYONE a voice and opinion and some of these can be deeply damaging and negative. I think the benefits outweigh the cons though – just keep away from the nasties!

KD: Could you tell us a bit about your own journey to body confidence, Delores.

DD: I trained and worked as an actor for many years before I moved into cabaret. I suspect anyone who has trained in a professional performing arts establishment and worked in that industry will at some point have felt pressure about their body and image, especially in dance and musical theatre. I powered through but being told  outright you’re too tall, too big or not pretty enough for something does have an effect regardless of the training you go through to deal with personal rejection. Moving into burlesque made a huge difference to my self-confidence and I finally felt that I was being judged on my performance abilities and skills rather than ‘looking Delores Deluxe Body confidenceTop hat DDright for a part’. Also the style element was something that I got right into immediately! I loved the clothes and the lingerie and it really helped me find my individual style, sourcing items for which,  is now one of my greatest passions and pleasures!

KD: What do you think is most detrimental to our body confidence?

DD: I think there many factors and everyone might feel differently. Some people have had negative influences in their early years, which are very hard to shake and reprogramme. Other people judge themselves too harshly and are constantly comparing themselves to others, which I think is really pointless. We are all unique and individual and need to try to focus on the positive rather than what we feel we are lacking.

KD: Why do you suppose body confidence issues are much more common among women than men? Why are men more comfortable in their bodies, no matter what they look like?

DD: I don’t think that’s true….. I think they are maybe just less vocal about it!

KD: Pop culture, airbrush mag covers and cosmetic surgery readily available for a price can take their toll on any woman’s body confidence. How can we combat that influence when we’re surrounded by it every day?

DD: We need to look at reality – what do you actually find attractive? There are so many beautiful women who don’t conform to standard or media ideals who look amazing. Being body shape aware and understanding how to dress for your body shape can make you feel like a million dollars!

I think surgery is a different issue – if someone is really unhappy and wants to change themselves with plastic surgery then they should feel free to do so for themselves but not because they feel they are expected to look a certain way.

KD: In the burlesque performances I’ve seen, I notice that there are women of all body sizes and shapes, and the confidence and sensuality all of these women exude on stage is amazing. Why, and how, does burlesque helps build body confidence?

DD: Burlesque is a feminine art form and, in its resurgence, is predominantly run by women which gives us control over what we create and what we want to see. Creating a routine and a character is a very personal thing and a great deal of ourselves and personalities go into it, which Delores Deluxe body confidenceKittens.8makes each performer unique. I believe that once we stop comparing ourselves to others then we can really begin to feel happier, more comfortable and positive in our own skins.

The classic burlesque style is also very flattering to all body shapes – the corsets which come in all styles, sizes and shapes mould perfectly to the individual body and enhance curves (if you have them) or create them (if you don’t) Hours of work and hundreds of pounds go into costuming so they have to make you feel amazing and ready to va va voom!

KD: How much does our attitude toward our bodies influence the other areas of our lives?

DD: I think any negativity can have a massive impact on our happiness and self-esteem, which then can influence the way we see ourselves and how we set our ambitions and our expectations. If we don’t treat ourselves with respect then it’s very easy to let this affect our careers, relationship and personal goals.

KD: If you could give one piece of advice to help women be more comfortable in their own skin, what would it be?

DD: Come to my class!!! Ha ha! Just give yourselves a break, girls! Focus on the things you do like and remember there is so much more to attractiveness than having your ideal body or perfect face. I also advocate surrounding yourself with a crack team of amazing friends – good for keeping body and soul together in times of trouble!

KD: Tell us a bit about the Body Confidence classes. When are they available? Where? Who can participate? How can we sign up?

DD: The class is a 90 minute workshop – it’s very nurturing, gentle and quite good fun! We’ll be focussing on looking at our bodies in a positive light and challenging the issues that hold us back from feeling like the goddesses we are!

The classes are every Saturday in Angel at:

The Joker of Penton Street

58 Penton Street

N1 9PZ

Class times are 11am 1pm and 3pm

£25pp

http://www.thekittenclub.com/dates-prices/classes/

About Delores Deluxe

Delores Deluxe body confidenceMini DD2

Delores Deluxe started out her cabaret career under a railway arch in Bermondsey in 2005 in the original line up of The Kitten Club. She is an established performer, programmer and promoter on the London burlesque and cabaret scene as well as founder and leader of London’s longest running troupe, The Kitten Club Cabaret which have been performing around London for 9 years. Having a 10 year background in classical acting and musical theatre, she was delighted to stumble into the emerging burlesque scene in London in 2005 and to put her skills to an exciting new use. Delores is also now enjoying working as a soloist on the cabaret and variety circuit with her comedy magic tricks and can generally be found wearing something polka dot!

www.thekittenclub.com
Twitter: @deloresdeluxe
Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/thekittenclub

 

New Years Resolutions: Sneaking Quietly Through the Back Door

182Well what do you know? Here it is the 4th of January already! 2014 is well and truly under way. The gym is overflowing with New Years Resolutioners; all around the world new diets have been begun as soon as the New Year hangover wears off; people stop drinking, stop smoking, begin learning Spanish or French, people promise to take better care of themselves, spend more time with good friends, waste less time in front of the telly, and the list goes on. On January 4th the universal urge to be ‘better’ in the New Year is nearly palpable in the soggy English air.

It happens every year, that urge to reflect on what has been and plan how the New Year will be better. 266Hope and excitement at new beginnings is so much a part of our human nature that the end of a year and the beginning of another one can’t help but be the time when we anticipate, plan change, and dare to dream of what wonderful things we can bring about in the next year. In fact there’s a heady sense of power in the New Year. I think it’s the time when we’re most confident that we can make changes, that we really do have power over our own lives. It’s the time when we’re most proactive toward those changes, those visions of the people we want to be.

Before I actually began to sell my writing, back when I dreamed of that first publication, back when there seemed to be a lot more time for navel gazing than is now, I was a consummate journaler. I filled pages and pages, notebooks and notebooks full of my reflections, ruminations and navel gazes. And nothing took more time and energy than the end of the year entry, in which I reflected on how I did on the year’s resolutions and planned my resolutions for the next. This was a process that often began in early December with me reading back through journals, taking notes, tracing down some of what I’d been reading during that year and reflecting on it. Yeah, I know. I needed to get a life!

By the time New Years Day rolled around, I had an extensive list of resolutions, each with a detailed 191outline of action as to how I was going to achieve it. I found that some of those resolutions simply fell by the wayside almost before the year began — those things that if I’m honest with myself, I know I’m never gonna do, no matter how much I wish I would. Others I achieved in varying degrees-ish. But sadly, for the most part, a month or maybe two into the year, that hard core maniacal urge to be a better me no matter what cooled to tepid indifference as every-day life took the shine off the New Year.

It was only when there stopped being time for such ginormous navel-gazes and micro-planning that I discovered I actually had achieved a lot of those goals that were my resolutions simply by just getting on 183with it. As I began to think more about how different my approach to all things new in the New Year had become the busier I became, I realised that I had, through no planning on my part, perfected the sneak-in-through-the-back-door method of dealing with the New Year. The big, bright New Year changes I used to spend days plotting and planning no longer got written down, no longer got planned out. Instead, they sort of implemented themselves in a totally unorganised way somewhere between the middle of January and the middle of February. They were easy on me, sort of whispering and smiling unobtrusively from the corners of my life. They came upon me, not in a sneak attack so much as a passing brush with someone who would somehow become my best friend.

I’m my own harsh task master. I’m driven, I’m tunnel-visioned, I’m a pit bull when I grab on to what I want to achieve with my writing. No one is harder on me than I am – no one is even close. And yet from somewhere there’s a gentler voice that sneaks in through the back door of the New Year and through the back doors of my life and reminds me to be kinder to me, to be easier on me, to find ways to rest and recreate and feed my creative self. I’ll never stop being driven. The time I’ve been given, the time we’ve all been given, is finite. And that gentler part of ourselves must somehow be a constant reminder of comfort and gentleness, of self-betterment that comes, not from brow-beating and berating ourselves, not from forced regimentation, but from easing into it, making ourselves comfortable with it. We, all of us, live inP1010083 a time when life is snatched away from us one sound-bite, one reality TV show, one advert at a time. Often our time, our precious time is bargained away from us by harsher forces, by ideals and scripts that aren’t our own, and the less time we have to dwell on the still small voice, the deeper the loss.

So my resolution, my only resolution every year is to listen more carefully to that gentler, quieter part of me, to forgive myself for not being able to be the super-human I think I should be, to settle into the arms of and be comfortable with the quieter me, the wiser me who knows how far I’ve really come, who knows that the shaping of a human being goes way deeper than what’s achieved in the outer world, and every heart that beats needs to find its own refuge in the value of just being who we are, of living in the present and coming quietly and gently and hopefully into the New Year.

The Many Faces of Moorita Part 2

Moorita 6I’d like to welcome back the fabulous Moorita Encantada. For those of you who missed Part I of this interview, Moorita is not only a fabulous performer with an amazing creative mind, but she’s also my  co-conspiritor for the play, The Eye of The Beholder.

Moorita is a versatile cabaret and variety performer, and an unforgettable stage persona. Her acts combine a professional touch of a trained theatre performer and musician with an outstanding originality and unrestrained creative expression.

Wild, unpredictable and ever surprising, she has already brought a breath of fresh air to cabaret stages in London and beyond. Her work has been applauded at UK’s best cabaret nights and venues such as Madame Jojo’s, Proud Cabaret, Volupté and The Wet Spot Leeds, as well as internationally. But the fulfilment of her bigger artistic vision is only about to happen..

KD: Moorita, as I told you when we began this project, it’s all new to me. I’ve never written for theatre of any kind. I’m a Moorita 8novelist, but fundamentally a story teller is a story teller, and a story told through the medium of performance as well as words is even more powerful. What do you think it takes to translate a story from the written word to a stage performance? What’s most important?

Moorita: From a perspective of a theatre performer I would say that precision, conciseness of the story line and integrity of characters is key. Both need to stir different emotions in the audience, they need to demand to be followed with attention. At the same time – maybe even more so in performance than literary works – the audience needs to be challenged in order to stay engaged. Art within a performance is so delicate and intangible, it’s what happens between the actor and the viewer within a certain time frame, and once it happened, then and there, it’s irretrievable. This means the performance is incredibly prone to a variety of things that might go wrong. Strong, integral story and well sketched characters are the spine of performance, the precious certainty in the middle of all the variables that holds it all together.

KD: As most people know by now, the story we’ve chosen to tell is the story of Medusa and Perseus, from Greek mythology, but with a very wicked, very exciting twist of our own. Could you tell us what attracted you to this particular story, other than me saying please, please, please can we do it!

Moorita: I’m very fond of mythology myself, after all, this – together with holy texts of different religions – is what our culture is built on. What’s amazing about the Bible, Quran, I Ching and Greek mythology is different layers of meanings waiting to be uncovered by a keen reader. What can be particularly satisfying is digging deeper into characters and stories that have a commonly accepted stereotype. One of such stories is the story of Perseus and Medusa, a mythical monster which ends up the way monsters are supposed to end up – dying a death that supports a “good” cause.

On second glance though, there seems to be more to Medusa, there is some controversy and a tragic story behind her becoming a monster (she was raped by Poseidon in Athena’s temple and consequently “punished” by the goddess). Yet another look, and a fascinating character emerges – together with a whole lot of questions about what the real story behind the myth might be, or how the well-known story could be told differently. After I read your short story Stones from the anthology, Seducing the Myth, edited by Lucy Felthouse, I was hooked on the idea. I knew this would work incredibly well on stage.

KD: Moorita, my vision of the play was, for a long time, just to get it written down and give you something to work with. Oh yes, I was nervous about it! But now that it’s on paper, now that you’ve actually performed one fabulous scene from it to rave reviews, I might add, what is your vision for the road ahead?

  Moorita 4Moorita: Apart from being a mad creative genius 😉 I also have a pragmatic side, fully aware of what it takes to make complex, unproven things happen, and I’m very results oriented. My experience of creating great acts suggests that after a glorious moment of getting a key creative insight, there always comes a “reality test” when things start to feel a little awkward and you are no longer dead sure you are a mad genius. Only truly good ideas (coupled with big enough balls) can stand that test and get implemented with success.

After my performance at Sh! I’m convinced that the play, once on stage, will not only take burlesque to a new level, but, quite simply, will also be a box office success. I now have a clear vision of next steps: break the script into separate scenes that can be performed on their own, find fabulous performers to fill in the gaps between the words with their charisma, and let each of these acts defend itself in front of a real audience.

KD: Wow! I get goosebumps just thinking about it! Moorita, I happen to know for a fact that you’ll be giving another taste of Medusa, and The Eye of the Beholder in Scarborough for the fabulous Smut by the Sea event on the 22nd of June. Can you tell us a little bit about that and maybe tease us a bit with what you have in mind?

Moorita12Moorita: Oh I can definitely tease about Smut or indeed anything else for longer than you’d be able to take it 😉 My ambition for the 22nd of June is to perform, for the first time, a scene between two characters from the play. Without revealing all (just yet!) expect a serious sparkle between them and, quite possibly, some stunning Shibari bondage.

KD:  Oooh! Sounds fabulous! I can hardly wait! So, Moorita, my partner in crime and my friend, it’s been an exciting ride so far, and now, where do we go from here?

Moorita: Heh, I suppose it’s high time to get serious about taking over the world with our artistic vision! 😉 And, as Garbage put it in a song, “the world is not enough, but it is just the perfect place to start my love”.

KD: Thank you so much for your time, Moorita. I’m most definitely looking forward to the next chapter of world domination Moorita & KD style! And if any of you lovely readers are in the Scarborough area on the 22nd of June and have a hankering for some Smut by the Sea with a sexy helping of burlesque and theatre Moorita style, come join us!

The Many Faces of Moorita Part 1

An interview with Moorita Encantada

Moorita 9I can’t tell you how excited I am to be interviewing my multi-talented friend, Moorita Encantada. Moorita is not only a fabulous performer with an amazing creative mind, but she’s also my  co-conspiritor for the play, The Eye of The Beholder.

Moorita is a versatile cabaret and variety performer, and an unforgettable stage persona. Her acts combine a professional touch of a trained theatre performer and musician with an outstanding originality and unrestrained creative expression.

Wild, unpredictable and ever surprising, she has already brought a breath of fresh air to cabaret stages in London and beyond. Her work has been applauded at UK’s best cabaret nights and venues such as Madame Jojo’s, Proud Cabaret, Volupté and The Wet Spot Leeds, as well as internationally. But the fulfilment of her bigger artistic vision is only about to happen..

KD: Welcome, Moorita! Seeing you prefrom as Medusa at the Double Whammy launch party at Sh! a couple of weeks ago reminded me just how many faces Moorita Encantada wears, and I would love to know, as I’m sure the readers would, how did you get involved in burlesque, and why burlesque specifically?

Moorita: Close to two years ago now I went through a moment of a creative low. I was doing well at work but I was still imagequite disappointed with myself on the whole. I felt like the best part of me was dying, and if I wasn’t going to do something about it soon enough, it might be gone forever. I remember walking past Cafe de Paris in Piccadilly Circus and deciding I was going to find out how to become a showgirl. One thing led to anther, I enrolled on a burlesque course, created my first act, then another and started performing in London and beyond. The rest is history.

Moorita 11At first burlesque was an just a liberating adventure, but soon enough I understood it offered a unique opportunity for boundless artistic expression. Fully embraced burlesque equals classical theatre minus all social taboos. On top of this, even though I don’t see myself as a feminist, I enjoy the feministic taint of burlesque. Socially, we are presented with many conflicting ideas of who and how we should be as women. Performance art, and burlesque in particular, allows us to redefine, in an as radical a way as we please, what femininity means to every single one of us.

KD: I’m over the moon that you chose me to collaborate with on this wonderful project of ours, the burlesque play, The Eye of the Beholder, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d love to know what inspired the idea of a burlesque play, which as far as I know is very unique.

Moorita: I’ve always firmly believed that there is more to burlesque than vintage bras and fake jewels, I saw it as theatre and cabaret’s bastard child, with enormous potential. Seeing Howard Wilmot’s “Burlexe” (not quite a “burlesque play” but so much more towards the medium of the theatre than anything else on the scene) was to me the proof that burlesque audience is ready for a different quality of experience.

Moorita 10Even though our project is quite unique, there are several outstanding performers on the scene whose acts focus on the dramatic and story driven side of burlesque, such as Audacity Chutzpah or Shirley Windmill. Others I admire have a clear identity (or “edge”) and share my belief that the boundaries of burlesque can be stretched as far as one pleases: Miss Jones, Vivacity Bliss, Lolo Brow, Rubyyy Jones, Miss Cairo Mascara, etc. These performers, and others, contributed to my deep conviction that burlesque is an incredibly powerful performance art, the potential of which is really quite unexplored.

Finally, and most importantly, your skill as a writer, and your hugely empowering energy KD – as well as your pursuit of deeper meaning of erotica – convinced me that this partnership is a unique opportunity to create something outstanding.

KD:  Wow! Thanks, Moorita. *Smiling ear to ear* You made my day!  I’ve watched a good bit of burlesque, and I’d have to say your performances are not what I think most people would consider conventional burlesque. Forgive me if that statement is a bit of an oxymoron, but your performances tend to be both gritty and funny as well as amazingly beautiful, even moving. Can you tell us a bit about your approach to burlesque?

moorita 13Moorita: The funny thing is that even though I have an appreciation of classical burlesque – pinup, cheesecake, retro sirens, vintage lingerie and loads of rhinestones – and love watching it performed well, I’d never do it myself. I guess that because of my theatrical and musical training, most of the time I simply don’t find it challenging enough (and it’s at an intersection of outstanding creativity and a healthy challenge that really interesting things tend to happen).

In short, my acts are like Marmite – you will love them or hate them. I’m fully into risqué, intellectually provocative entertainment blurring the boundaries of artistic genres.

I’ve been told it’s my stage presence, energy, original, wacky ideas and good singing voice that make my acts demand an audience’s attention.

I think I’m a relatively talented comedienne (though I know many people who would outshine me!) and I usually seek a deeper meaning through story based performance. Even a simple burlesque act would usually be inspired by an insight, or a snapshot of a little fragment of reality, appropriately zoomed in and cropped.

KD: I know how exciting I’ve found this collaboration of ours to be, and how full of surprises, but I’d like to hear how you feel about it and what surprised you most, what excited you most, what’s been the most difficult?

Moorita: Wow, that’s quite a lot to think about!

Moorita 7In terms of surprise, I’m still bewildered that we actually made it happen. As they say, ideas are worthless and execution is everything. When we first started talking about the project, the idea in itself seemed amazing but it would have amounted to nothing if you hadn’t had lots of creative energy and found time to write it, and I hadn’t done pretty much the same to stage the “Medusa’s liar” scene.  Now that we’ve managed to execute on the idea, I’m proud and impatient to see it come together  wholly.

I was really excited while in the process of brainstorming the story and the staging of it when we first started. I adore that creative high, particularly if it happens between two people on the same wavelength, artistically speaking. I was  even more excited on the 20.04 though, while performing at Sh! It’s amazing to see a more or less abstract idea come into flesh in an interaction with real audience. I felt the energy flowing between all of us, it was one of those rare moments I felt totally aligned, doing the right thing, at the right place and in the right time. I’m sure you’ll understand what I’m talking about when I say it felt like getting a little wink from the Universe, as if to say “good work girl!”.

As is generally the case with ambitious projects people undertake, the most difficult were moments of self-doubt. Before the play was even written I hadMoorita 3 at least two established promoters wish me luck and say that in their opinion a “burlesque play” would never work. Consequently, once the first draft of the script was ready, I was impressed but at the same time overwhelmed by the thought of what an incredible challenge it was to get it all on stage! I could picture beautifully written scenes and well constructed characters in my head and I fully realised what talent, effort, and logistical challenge it was to make it all happen in the real world.. It was scary.

Now that I got my proof that the audience will love “The Eye of the Beholder”, I just want to move on with the rest of the play. I’m still aware of how much work it will take to complete the project, only now I actually look forward to getting it done! I guess I learnt that little internal critic insisting that “it can’t work” is the only enemy that really matters.

KD: Wow! Thanks so much for sharing your journey and your insites, Moorita. And thanks for sharing the adventure with me. It’s been a wild ride, and I venture to say, it’s just beginning.

Join us next Saturday for Part 2 of The Many Faces of Moorita, and more about The Eye of the Beholder.

 

 

Caroline and Chris Unity Bowness Talk About What Makes Their Partnership Passionate

passionatepartners

Up until now, all of my PP interviews have been with erotica writers and their partners, But it’s my pleasure today to interview Chris and Caroline Unity Bowness for Passionate Partners, and their story is a little different. Thanks so much for joining me, Caroline and Chris!

Chris: Relationship and Sex Mentor initially studied business for 10 years and helped people run their own businesses. I finally stumbled on my real calling after helping people with relationships and sex and who kept telling me I should go for it….eventually I took the leap and love every minute.

Caroline: Workaholic, business owner, lover of people, best friend, Mum, proof reader ….and sex toy guinea pig.

KD: Chris, we met on Facebook, as I recall. You and Caroline had read The Pet Shop together, which immediately reassured me that you were fabulous people with excellent taste. From that, our discussion blossomed to discussing sex as a celebration and a key to intimacy in relationships. Our discussion was my first clue that I was speaking to one half of a pair of Passionate Partners. It’s an absolute pleasure to have the two of you on A Hopeful Romantic
today to talk about your passionate partnership. Since then, I’ve had you on my site as a guest and we’ve had lots of conversations that have convinced me I was witnessing another one of those passionate partnerships in the promoting and celebration of sexuality through erotica. How did that journey begin, and has it always been a team effort?

Chris: Erotica has always played an important part of our journey and it’s a great tool for opening up communcation on sex and pleasure without that awkwardness of starting it yourself. However, building a relatioship thats unashamed about intimacy, sex and pleasure Caroline has to take the credit for.

Caroline: the shower scene perhaps?

Chris: yes…. 1st date, a shy teen facing the claws of the cougar…

chris bowness 220130424_194251_20130424194830778Caroline: 3 years and you weren’t no teen… But yes you were… how shall I put it?… Naive?

Chris: A night out and ended up staying together for the night not sexually but intimately. Next morning Kim Cattrall here suggests showering together less a baptism of fire more an indecent drowning, and there began the journey of sex and intimacy beginning positively.

Caroline:  My mum always instilled in me that sex is harmless fun… ok you may have to be safer these days… but the act itself has not changed. This is the foundation that has been our passion in promoting real sex and the discussion of such. Oh! We do love the Pet Shop though and often have our own little in jokes referencing them.

KD: Very glad to hear that you enjoyed The Pet Shop together. *smiles like a proud mother*

Chris: I recently guested on a Kay Jaybee’s website and wrote about using Erotica as a great tool in the bedroom.

KD: I understand that the two of you have a unique relationship where child rearing and work is concerned. Could you share a little bit about that with us? What did you find most difficult in your arrangement? What did you find most beneficial?

Chris: We both take an active role in bringing our children up, we both run our own businesses and there are times when one needs to be working and one of us naturally slots in and takes time with the children.

Caroline: At the weekend it’s all about family time. Saturday morning we share a family breakfast were we all sit together and discuss the week. We try to have work take a back seat over the weekend.

KD: Could you both tell us a little bit about your work, and what’s most rewarding about it. (I’m thinking in terms of how you got involved with testing sex toys and how one thing led to another.) And what’s most difficult.

Caroline: We fell into by chance really we noticed a few opportunities arise and then when we decided to take the plunge the magazine we were set to review for shut down. We then found our opportunity when an online store put a call out for reviewers and things kind of grew from there.

Chris: Obviously the upside is a constant abundance of free toys and latest products to test out. However, in recent times we’ve slowed down a little asChris-U-B-300x300 finding time in busy schedules to test and write is a job in itself but we do like to keep our hands in. It also helps me keep up to date with the latest products and names out there so I can recommend them to clients.

KD: What has been the craziest experience you’ve shared in your mutual journey through sex mentoring and the celebration of sex in relationship?

Chris: People know what I do and know Caroline is sex positive too which puts us in the position of the go to people when people have amazing sexual experiences and want to share their story with one of us. We’ve had stories of a woman nearly getting caught giving her boyfriend a blowjob under a bridge whilst they were at a wedding (you know who you are). The stories of unashamed exhilarating one nights stands and a gay man who wanted to share his story of hot sex when his partner came home from work in the early hours and took him by surprise. What’s sad is people want to share these sexual achievements like any other life happy accomplishments but there is a stigma with doing so.

Caroline: One such story being told to me recently involved the discussion of horse tail butt plugs!

KD: Caroline, I don’t know you as well as I do Chris, so tell us a little bit about yourself. Who is Caroline Bowness, and what things matter most to her right now in her journey.

Caroline: My passion is helping others through life as it’s just far too short, family and friends are important to me. I also run my own business which involves helping others so whether it’s people who need my service or people I work along side it’s all about working as a team and making sure everyone is happy.

Chris: She does have a nickname of Hils which is short for Hilary Devey of Dragons Den fame as she is a bit of an idol of Caroline’s.

Caroline: It’s growing on me!

KD: Caroline, what do you consider your most important role in supporting Chris in his mentoring? How do you see yourself sharing in that journey?

Caroline: Kicking him up the arse *joke* Self promotion, he has supported others in business for many years but when it comes to himself he finds it hard but I think it’s because he is to close to what he does to be able to look at it in a business sense.

KD: Chris, what do you think is the most important way Caroline supports and encourages you? What do you see as the most important way you support her?

Chris: Unequivocal and unwavering support, you must know how tough the negative voices can be KD especially in regards to work that’s sex related? Chris-Bowness-Unity-300x212Having someone who is always there no matter what, is special. Furthermore though even though I’m good at putting myself in someone else’s shoes Caroline is very good at giving a deeper insight into female perspective on things.

KD: What’s the hardest part of the Caroline/Chris working partnership?

Caroline: We both work when people need us which can be 1am… Opening a bottle of red and having the phone go or someone need us and having to let go. However, we both know the responsibility and passion each of us has to help others and make their lives better.

KD: What’s the best part?

Caroline: Being able to work with your BFF.

Chris: Bouncing off each other… Being in the unique position to have a great understanding of each others work but being able to be impartial when it comes to offering advice and making decisions.

KD: What’s the best advice the two of you can offer to help couples make their partnerships run smoother?

Chris: Whether you have children or not making your relationship the main priority which is pretty easy in the beginning by taking risks and chances to be together like both taking a sick day. However, over time people loose sight of the importance of putting their relationship first. For us we see it that a happy and close us is a great foundation to build our family on.

Caroline: Open and honest communication is really important… talking without fear. One thing we have built in is a cake date one afternoon a week Chris BownessIMG_20130424_201755at a local cafe where we put time aside for each other and our relationship. Chris once joked we could swap it for a gym date…. Erm no it’s not happening Mr!

KD: Tell us something about the Caroline and Chris Team that might really surprise us.

Caroline: We don’t conform to the traditional relationship set up. Days into meeting each other we had a conversation about the importance of the friends in our lives of the opposite sex. This had caused the breakdown of previous relationships for both of us and we had independently decided that in our next relationships we’d be honest about this.

Chris: We were just lucky we were both each others next relationship and actually that foundation brought us closer. We both have the freedom to love who we want and live how we want whilst having a great relationship together.

KD: Chris, could you tell us a little bit about the difference between a mentor and a therapist.

Chris: Long term support, when and where it’s needed but also prevention not cure to problems. Also here for the good things in relationships like guiding people in exploring pleasure. The real surprise I’ve had is the amount of positive messages I’ve received that all have the same theme a
thirst for open discussion in society about positive and real sex. Many people saying they want to be able to talk but they can’t for many reasons.

KD: What does the future hold for Caroline and Chris? Exciting plans? Adventures? New projects?

Chris: I work in the local community and want to get into it more maybe open an office or have my own space people can come to me. The near future is a website providing an online space people can come to get advice but also share their experiences good or bad help each other through but also positively promote real everyday pleasure and sex. Each weekend I also put together an online magazine rounding up the sex positive news in the
last 7 days which you can find at www.bit.ly/ConsentingAdults I also produce a monthly email packed with tips and advice and it’s proving rather popular. People can sign up at www.bit.ly/BeUnity Then finally there is the exciting monthly column I’ve been invited to do for you, KD, Consenting Adults promoting positive real sex, which starts next week.

KD: I’m very excited about that, Chris, and looking forward to having you onboard.

Caroline: A house by the sea and a puppy, actually it’s all about the puppies!

KD: No doubt the world would be a better place with more puppies … and kittens … strategically placed, of course. Thank you, both, so much for sharing a bit about your passionate partnership with us. It’s been a pleasure to have you here together. And Chris, we’ll be seeing you again soon.

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