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Talking Sexuality, Spirituality and Creativity with Dr. Dick

I’m very excited to be Dr. Dick’s guest for the next two weeks on his fabulous podcast series The Erotic Mind. I recently discovered The Erotic Mind series, and I’m definitely hooked! Dr Dick and I talk about sex and religion and the creative process and lots of other exciting topics.

Dr Dick is a Clinical Sexologist in private practice in Seattle. He has been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for 30 years. He believes in affirming the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. Plus he’s an all-around great bloke!

Part 2 of Dr Dick’s interview with me will be 8th November. Put it on your calendar.

Don’t miss Dr. Dick’s other two on-going interview series, Sex Edge-U-cation, and Sex Wisdom.
 

Biology is a Bitch! Bring on the Erotica!

In the now notorious interview with Attitude Magazine, Stephen Fry may or may not have been joking in saying that straight men feel they “disgust” women, who only have sex because that “is a price they are willing to pay for a relationship.” Apparently Fry is on record as also being of the opinion that women don’t really like sex. If they did, they would “go to Hampstead Heath and meet strangers to shag behind a bush.”

The remarks and the uproar they’ve caused make me wonder how much value can be placed on any comment about women’s attitudes toward sex without taking into account the fact that biology is a bitch.

Women are practical. Women count the cost. And with the biological cost so high, it’s not surprising that women’s approach to sex tends to be a little more cautious then men’s. I’d like to mention just two of those biological biggies that should be taken into consideration before attempting to expound upon woman’s attitudes toward sex.

1. Women can, and often do get pregnant, while on the other hand, men do not. It takes a man… well not very long, to father a child, an act he can easily and often repeat at will with very little consequence.

Biology, however, has designed women with a propensity toward pregnancy. That same pesky imperative to pass on the genes to the next generation which may compel a man to scatter his seed far and wide demands that a woman incubate and nest and raise. For women, that involves nine months of carrying a child inside her body at considerable danger to her own health. And that’s just the beginning. According to an article in the Guardian, in the U.K. the cost of raising a child to age 21 is now a staggering ₤200,000! Not wonder most women aren’t anxious to tackle this alone.

2. Size is everything! Men are bigger, and stronger than women. Women are only about half as strong as men in the upper body, and about two-thirds as strong in the lower. Top that off with a good dose of testosterone for added aggression, and it’s not too difficult to see why most women would think twice before joining a shag fest in the shrubs.

For women sex will always be a calculated risk. It sucks, but it’s true. It doesn’t mean we want it any less, or think about it any less often, or need it any less than men do.

The tremendous rise in sales of erotica for women is evidence to just how much women do think about sex. Biology may be a bitch, but erotica is our friend. And, being practical, women are aware that ertocia is a sexual outlet for which there is no risk of pregnancy, no risk of rape or violence, and no ₤200,000, twenty-one year price tag. Women may not be shagging in the shrubbery, but it’s pretty clear, women most definitely DO love sex, and think about it often.

 

Another Rude Reading from The Initiation of Ms Holly 26th November at Sh! Portobello!

Mark your calendars Friday 26th November — Reading at Sh! Portobello by yours truly from my novel, The Initiation of Ms Holly.

If you missed the fun at the launch party for The Initiation of Ms Holly at Sh! Hoxton store, not to worry. Here is another chance to enjoy some of the best and the rudest bits from Holly. And it’s my chance to read to you from the legendary Pink Throne at the Sh! Portobello Store. Plus we all get to party with the fabulous Sh! Ladiez. A hot evening to take the autumn chill off.
More juicy details to follow shortly!

 

Best Launch Party EVER!

Friday night we celebrated the launch of The Initiation of Ms Holly in style at Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium, Hoxton. The traditional Sh! pink fizz and cupcakes were the grazing fare of the evening, along with a lovely, and appropriately pink and scrummy banana cake that my dear friend, Helen Calaghan, made just for the occasion.

We started the evening early with a pre-launch drink at the Bluu Bar right next door to Sh! It was the perfect place to meet up with old friends and new ones too before the bash began. I headed over a little early to get into the Killer Shoes, touch up the lippy and generally get in raunchy reading mood.
It was an all-star cast. The lovely Triona Adams, of Nun the Wiser fame was there for Holly’s maiden voyage. And I felt expecially honoured to be able to celebrate with some of my very favourite erotica writers, Kay Jaybee, Jacqueline Applebee, Scarlett French, Kate Marley, and
Lucy Felthouse. Lucy is the founder of the exciting new website, Erotica For All, one of the best things to happen to erotic readers and writers in ages! If you haven’t checked it out, do so.
The totally amazing Hazel Cushion, managing director and founder of Accent Press , of which Xcite books is apart, was also there. I can’t thank her enough for all she’s done to make The Initiation of Ms Holly a reality. Hazel, you rock!
Speaking of people who rock, the fabulous Sarah Berry, editor and all-around fearless leader of Foreplay Magazine was there. Her enthusiasm and passion for erotica and writing are inspirational.
For two and a half wonderful hours Holly had a fizz-flushed captive audience. I read some of my favourite raunchy passages, answered questions, signed books and in general had a fantastic time. When people weren’t listening to me read the sexy bits they were wandering about, browsing the pink, toy-filled, fun-filled shelves of Sh! women’s store, while the lovely Sh! Ladiez kept the fizz and cupcakes and pink banana cake circulating.

Afterwards, the party overflowed to a nearby Pizza Express where we ravenous partiers discuss writing and sex and networking and fun-stuff in general. The party ended up being only slightly less than a slumber party as Kay, Sarah and Raymond and I migrated back to the hotel room still talking writing, raunch and censorship.

Back home now, having had twelve much-needed hours of sleep, I’m still smiling all over myself. I can hardly wait for the next launch party. That means, back to work on the next novel, and lots more fun!

Special thanks to Lucy Felthouse for some of
the fantastic photos. Lucy, you’re the best!

A TASTE OF HOLLY

Excerpts of The Initiation of Ms Holly are now available for your reading pleasure at Erotica for All and at Xcite Books.

WIN HOLLY

For a chance to win your free copy of The Initiation of Ms Holly, check out Eriotica For All and the Goodreads Xcite group.
 

Sex and Ritual

Carl Jung saw symbols and rituals as containers for numinous power. It’s a small step from our need for ritual to the idea of sex as ritual. It infiltrates our myths, it permeates our literature, and it fills our fantasies. Many of the earliest religious rites were fertility rites involving either the sacred prostitute or the sacred couple whose sexual union insured abundant crops, cattle and children for another season. Certainly it’s not hard to see the ritualistic aspect of sex in the natural world. We’ve all watched birds or badgers or elephants going at it on nature programs. There are often complex courtship rituals before actual copulation.

Jung’s definition of ritual as a container for power intrigues me. The power contained in sex is astounding. It’s the power to pass on life. It gives us the ‘little death’ and the out of body experience. It elevates us to the level of heaven while bringing us back to our most primitive animal nature.

Sex is the ultimate mystical experience. The closest we can get to a power beyond ourselves is the power within ourselves. I chose to write The Initiation of Ms Holly as a modern day retelling of the Psyche and Eros story with that in mind. In the Greek myth, Psyche must undergo ritualistic tasks before she is allowed to be with her lover Eros. In achieving these impossible tasks, Psyche so impresses the gods that they not only allow her to be with her lover, but grant her divinity as well.

In Greek mythology sex usually involves one of the gods, most often Zeus, coming down to earth and ‘seducing’ a mortal female, who then gives birth to a child destined to do great things. Sex as the representation of the creative force permeates the Greek myths. It’s there in the Christian myth as well, the child of divinity and humanity destined to save the world. Tragically the power of sex is omitted from the Christian myth.

More than a procreative force, sex is a creative force. Its ritual act allows us contact with the power, contact we can have no other way. But who controls the ritual? We’ve all seen lories transporting heavily reinforced tankers bearing CAUTION: HAZARDOUS MATERIALS signs in big red letters. We know a breech of containment would be disastrous. The purpose of ritual is to keep the power contained so we mortals can interact with it safely. Religions have always tried to control the rituals involving sex, to dictate with whom the act may occur, how, and even when it may take place. Property and inheritance rights depend on controlling women’s sexuality. Even the Facebook practice of unilaterally deleting sex positive pages is an effort to control sexuality.’

These days the ritual containers set in place by religious superstition and prejudice are being breeched. Those vessels can no longer contain and control sexuality in all its vibrant varied guises. The ritual is being taken out of the hands of institutions and reclaimed on a more individual, more personal level. That means the creative force of our sexuality is being freed in ways we could have hardly imagined a few years ago.

Yesterday was Coming Out Day. My Facebook page was full of well wishers and messages reassuring our young people that it gets better. Now more than ever there are safe places to learn about, understand and explore all aspects of our sexuality. And we are much less likely to settle for some ‘authority figure’ telling us what is sexually acceptable. Taking back the power is never easy. The journey is a long one, and we’re not there yet, but I’m delighted to say, I see reason to hope.

 
© 2017 K D Grace
The Romance Reviews

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