Consenting Adults: Let’s Stop Beating Around The Bush
It’s my pleasure to welcome back Chris Unity Bowness for the second installment of Consenting Adults, and just in time for Masturbation Month!
There is an odd quirk I’ve noticed, and even more so during the celebration of self love in May. On one hand the talk of female masturbation and especially sex toys has been high on the agenda. However, on the other hand, this is in contrast to the lack of discussion of male self pleasure and specifically male sex toys, which usually doesn’t extend past mutual couple masturbation. In general I find it a subject not many people are comfortable with, as it conjures up many negative images. There are many reasons behind this and many assumptions made and this needs to change.
However, I’ve noticed that when it comes to the wider society this quirk takes on a more interesting turn. Though society is uncomfortable with the idea that women enjoy self pleasure and often paints women who do in a negative light, female sex toy coverage is everywhere in the mainstream. On the flipside it is pretty much taken for granted that every man wanks, but from what I’ve seen there is very little discussion of male sex toys in the solo sense.
These are just my observations of the sex positive media I take in on a daily basis, and I’m not here to start a gender issue. I know there are reasons why discussions not only happen more between women but also why they are needed. However, I believe discussions and better communication about all areas of sex and pleasure not only help demistify sex and, along with it, the positive benifits, but also gets us talking about problems. Ultimately, communication, sharing information and experiences can help us all have better sex lives.
It is important to point out that male sex toys are now far removed from the image of the grubby mac. We should be encouraging men and women to talk about male masturbation and we should be encouraging male sex toys.
One of the big reasons men’s sex toys should be promoted more and talked about is that many of the sexual problems men suffer can be partly the result of years of bad masturbation habits, and the fact that men don’t masturbate the way they have sex. Issues from premature ejacultion, loss of erection, not being able to climax through penetration, and others could be down to how you toss yourself off. Using toys and thinking differently during self pleasure through the use of sex toys could lead to a great improvement.
The Tool Shed
Male sex toys have come a long way since the infamous blow up doll scene in British comedy Only Fools And Horses. Toys are now as sleek, well designed and as thought through as their female counterparts, with some being produced by the same sex toy companies such as Lelo, Pipedream, Rocks Off and Doc Johnson to name a few. So to show that there is more than one way to spank a monkey* here are my tips on the range of male sex toys available and what they can do for you.
Cock Rings may be something many have come across during sex with a partner but they are also great for solo play. Most commonly, cock rings can be placed around the base of the penis or around the penis and balls and for that reason they come in different sizes, but also vary greatly in design, functions and now even shape, For Example: the new Endless Cock Ring which aims to stay in place with it’s new twist feature.
Cock Rings can give you a larger, firmer erection and ultimately a more sensitive penis allowing you to learn to control your penis more not just during masturbation but also during penetrative sex.
“What’s the point? You’ve got a hand.” Is the most common response to discussions regarding male sex toys but if that where the case you’d hear it in regards to female sex toys too. Masturbators such as the recently award nominated Verspanken shows there is much more to male pleasure than a clammy palm. Many masturbators, like the Verspanken, allow men to play around with different textures, feelings and even temperature, all of this helping men towards a more fulfilling solo experience but also allowing us to experience the different ways we could enjoy sex with a partner.
The male equivalent of the dildo, Fake Pussies, come in all forms from tubes in which you can place your cock to some that are even designed and moulded from the pussy of your favourite porn star, to full body toys which include a pussys, boobs and even a place to perform anal sex. For Example: see Pipedream Extreme Series.
Men have been using their hands to wank for a lot longer than they’ve been having penetrative sex and they’ve holding themselves too tight, making themselves come as quickly as possible and also the fact they are tugging rather than thrusting can create a whole host of problems when it comes to having penetrative sex.
Fake pussies can address these problems; by helping you control the tightness, not only prolonging orgasm but also encouraging you to thrust rather than pull, which can help you control the sexual energy and pleasure that builds in the groin, hips and lower abdomen during sexual intercourse.
Yep! You read right toys which allow you to gain pleasure from the massaging of your prostate. Not only is there actual health benefits involved as prostate stimuation keeps your prostate healthy but you will also, through practice, be able to reach a whole new level of pleasure and orgasm.
Furthermore, it will lead you to the skill of multiple orgasms not only allowing you to control your orgasms and sexual energy but help you focus on other areas of your body, prolonging climax. Prostate play will help to make the distinction between orgasm, climax and ejacultion allowing you greater control of those seperate pleasures and giving you more control and allowing for communication of what you like when you are with a lover.
My advice here though is to start small — possibly with your finger — and learn where your prostate is, how to stimulate it and get used to the sensations before diving into buying a toy. For a quick guide to health benefits head over to this information by Lelo and where you can find Billy, one of the best selling p-spot massagers. For further reading; there are also many books available such as The Multi Orgasmic Couple and also recent release The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners by Charlie Glickman.
These are just the main areas of male sex toys, but each area has a whole range of products, variations and prices within them and I hope I have given you motivation to explore. If there is any specific recommendations or further information you’d like please use the comments box below.
Ultimately, masturbation and self exploration through sex toys, whatever gender or sexual orientation, is very self nurturing, self loving and can help us get in touch with ourselves in a deep way before we let others in. It can help us learn more about what we like, what turns us on and what makes for a better orgasm. Having a better understanding of ourselves can go a long way to better self awareness and communication, in the exchanging of turn-ons, when we have sex with a partner. We can not only help ourselves be better lovers but also allow for an all round heightened mutual experience.
Obviously, anybody who is suffering from problems in sexual performance I first encourage to seek medical advice to discover if there is any underlying health issues and then you are welcome to explore the above.
If you have a partner with a penis and would like to encourage them to explore sex toys, many men find it more comfortable to speak to someone in more comfortable surroundings and if you are in the London area there is no better place to visit than the Sh! Womenstore in Hoxton. Not only do they help couples explore penetrative sex but also solo exploration. They also have special evenings men can visit and get advice and they also hold a whole range of classes including spanking and blow jobs to name a few.
*no euphemisms were hurt during the writing of this article.